Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I have asked for advice previously about this relationship, but let me give you a brief overview...
I was with this girl for 8 months. We live around 47 miles apart, which despite the fact it isn't too far, is a couple of hours travel on public transport that doesn't come cheap. We both work just under full time (30 hours a week) & (I'll just call her D) D was at uni.
Only 4 months into the relationship did things start to deteriorate. I had some self-esteem issues that I was struggling with, and around my birthday I discovered that D was a little too close with her ex, who happens to live a few doors away from her. They were round at each other's places all the time, there was endless texting and I felt very uncomfortable when i found this out. I told her this, and she said she would cool it. I found out only last month that her ex was telling people they were seeing each other (apparently 'nothing sexual'. but people don't just say that without a firm belief.)
For a long time D hid me from her ex, literally. Pushing me into hiding places when we saw her in the street.
So, anyway...
This whole thing caused me a lot of confusion, unanswered questions and a knock to my low confidence. I tried to communicate my feelings and issues only to be told they were unnecessary. I was told to stop focusing on negative things. I felt that we never worked issues out because D would not acknowledge my feelings or the issues we had. She claims I over-analyse and treat the relationship like a business when all I wanted to do was work through things that bothered me.
I started to feel pretty worthless, feeling like the person who loved me didn't think my feelings or issues were important enough to act upon.
So, this week, D went into hospital at my request. She has a heart condition and it was particularly hurting her. She has a lot of stress in her life - her family have huge issues that she was recently dragged into, she was offered a new job which was then retracted after she'd given notice to her old job. The doctors thought she had a clot in her heart so they treated it and sent her home to come back. She was examined and told she is healthy.
This week...she has been very, very nasty with me. I said something that unintentionally upset her and I apologised right away and explained how I saw it, only to be told to 'fuck off'. She then re-started the argument a few hours later after acting completely normal with me and refused to apologise for the way she was treating me.
I was out with friends in the pub one night and she was very off with me because I didn't immediately text her back. Her mood continued into the next day where she wouldn't explain why she was annoyed.
Then, last night, things came to a head. I discovered she had a dating profile, and although it says she is seeing someone, she deleted this profile when we got together, so seeing it back up and running made me wonder. I asked her about it, only to get a sarcastic response, and eventually everything blew up. I told her I didn't like how she was treating me and I got even more shit. She told me to go back to an abusive ex, that I only cared about myself, and that I should 'fuck off'. A few hours later I told her I couldn't cope with this, (I too have had medical issues and anxiety relating to these and other things in my life) and told her we should probably be apart.
She didn't take it well. She blamed me for her heart condition, kept repeatedly telling me to fuck off, and comparing our relationship to a previous one of mine. She said I didn't care about her feelings but she never communicates them with me and I told her this. I love and care for this girl but how much more am I meant to take? We don't make each other happy and I feel like there is too much water under the bridge already. I've been making myself miserable for months.
Maybe I chose the wrong time, but how she was with me affected me too much. Is there ever a good time to break up?
Did I do the right thing? I'm so riddled with guilt and sadness.
I was with this girl for 8 months. We live around 47 miles apart, which despite the fact it isn't too far, is a couple of hours travel on public transport that doesn't come cheap. We both work just under full time (30 hours a week) & (I'll just call her D) D was at uni.
Only 4 months into the relationship did things start to deteriorate. I had some self-esteem issues that I was struggling with, and around my birthday I discovered that D was a little too close with her ex, who happens to live a few doors away from her. They were round at each other's places all the time, there was endless texting and I felt very uncomfortable when i found this out. I told her this, and she said she would cool it. I found out only last month that her ex was telling people they were seeing each other (apparently 'nothing sexual'. but people don't just say that without a firm belief.)
For a long time D hid me from her ex, literally. Pushing me into hiding places when we saw her in the street.
So, anyway...
This whole thing caused me a lot of confusion, unanswered questions and a knock to my low confidence. I tried to communicate my feelings and issues only to be told they were unnecessary. I was told to stop focusing on negative things. I felt that we never worked issues out because D would not acknowledge my feelings or the issues we had. She claims I over-analyse and treat the relationship like a business when all I wanted to do was work through things that bothered me.
I started to feel pretty worthless, feeling like the person who loved me didn't think my feelings or issues were important enough to act upon.
So, this week, D went into hospital at my request. She has a heart condition and it was particularly hurting her. She has a lot of stress in her life - her family have huge issues that she was recently dragged into, she was offered a new job which was then retracted after she'd given notice to her old job. The doctors thought she had a clot in her heart so they treated it and sent her home to come back. She was examined and told she is healthy.
This week...she has been very, very nasty with me. I said something that unintentionally upset her and I apologised right away and explained how I saw it, only to be told to 'fuck off'. She then re-started the argument a few hours later after acting completely normal with me and refused to apologise for the way she was treating me.
I was out with friends in the pub one night and she was very off with me because I didn't immediately text her back. Her mood continued into the next day where she wouldn't explain why she was annoyed.
Then, last night, things came to a head. I discovered she had a dating profile, and although it says she is seeing someone, she deleted this profile when we got together, so seeing it back up and running made me wonder. I asked her about it, only to get a sarcastic response, and eventually everything blew up. I told her I didn't like how she was treating me and I got even more shit. She told me to go back to an abusive ex, that I only cared about myself, and that I should 'fuck off'. A few hours later I told her I couldn't cope with this, (I too have had medical issues and anxiety relating to these and other things in my life) and told her we should probably be apart.
She didn't take it well. She blamed me for her heart condition, kept repeatedly telling me to fuck off, and comparing our relationship to a previous one of mine. She said I didn't care about her feelings but she never communicates them with me and I told her this. I love and care for this girl but how much more am I meant to take? We don't make each other happy and I feel like there is too much water under the bridge already. I've been making myself miserable for months.
Maybe I chose the wrong time, but how she was with me affected me too much. Is there ever a good time to break up?
Did I do the right thing? I'm so riddled with guilt and sadness.
Good luck!