Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

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can a marriage work with little trust?

jessicamullinax
jessicamullinax
Me and juanita had a long lovers talk last night and ive cheated in the past well she told me that she didnt trust me 100% because of it. It breaks my heart to know that and I told her if i knew that before we got married that i wouldnt of married her. I know that they are based on trust. I just hurt bad that I did that and I hurt because i know she dont trust me. My marriage wasent suppose to have so many diffculties. Every marriage does I guess. Its just hard how do I get through this when shes hurting and i do hurt and deserve to hurt for the things i did.
deleted_user
deleted_user
marriage is a choice. cheating is a choice. I just posted a saying on my facebook page. "You are free to choose, but you are NOT free of the consequences of your choice"

I hope you have learned from your choices, and that you accept your consequences. You have little control over the consequences that your partner is going to put you through. Know that if you believe she is worth it, and you can adhere to her demands to be faithful forever more, you will do everything and then more of what your partner requires of you to earn her trust back.

Know that your partner believes you are worth it if she makes demands of you to prove she can trust you again.

I'm rooting for a successful relationship for you and your partner.... success doesn't necessarily mean "happily ever after, together", but whatever success for you both to be healthy, happy, people.

Best of luck to you!
Thelonewolf
Thelonewolf
you may have cheated in the past but make sure you dont cheat again. i have cheated, and i still feel like shit about it even tho its way way way in my past now. i know never to cheat again cause it hurt me and the 2 people it effected. and i had cared so much about them.... so why hurt the ones i care about? cheating is a no no and if i must have the other person. that just means something is wrong with my current relationship.
its hard to trust someone 100%, its even harder to trust them when you know theyve cheated, or have cheated on you.
the only thing i can suggest is tell her you would never again, and just let time tell. be the best you can be. live life, control your actions. and think twice about who all it will effect, cause no choice will effect JUST you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think you have to look at it like this.....She did not walk away from you after you cheated, because you are still together and you even got married. Now you are feeling bad because she does not trust you 100%, and you are afraid a marriage not based on trust cannot last. So each one of you has a separate issue here to work on. True, they go together, but now each of you has to deal with these issues. You have to work on gaining her trust back, and she has to learn to be able to accept that you are trying, and to trust you again. It's going to take some time. Just ask yourself--Is it worth it to me? Do I want to stay married to her?
Then when you throw depression into the mix, that certainly doesn't help does it? I know and understand, I have been there. Maybe some couples counseling would help the two of you. It might help each of you to see the other side. Sometimes a therapist or counselor can point out things that you didn't see and help turn your relationship around.
I've read some of your posts on here before and I can tell the two of you love each other. It's going to take some time, love, and understanding for the two of you to deal with this. Hugs to both of you as you go through this trying time.