Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Hi.
My name is Clare, I'm 20 years old and 3 days ago my girlfriend of four years broke up with me.
We'd been having a few problems but I believe I was in denial of that, and in denial of my feelings. I had known in my heart for a few weeks that she didn't love me. I kept asking her if she did, and she would say she did, but you just know these things...don't you?
She didn't look at me the same. She didn't touch me the same. Talk to me the same. Act the same. She was never interested in doing anything physically. She would never do things to show me she loved me.
I kept saying I thought she didn't love me and she kept saying she actually did, and eventually I thought I was going insane. My constant worries about her feelings, her lying, what she might be doing when she wasn't with me...they were constant. I ended up becoming very frustrated and snappy, and took a lot of it out on her, and she eventually caved and left me.
She said we needed space and after a bit of a breakdown on my part I agreed that we did. I knew we did, but I wasn't particularly happy about it.
She kept saying we'd work it out, we'd still be close. She kept kissing me and holding me. I was really sad but it gave me a glimmer of hope.
The following day I had another breakdown, and I wanted to just end it. I didn't feel like I had the strength to deal with the breakup. I called her and we talked, and I calmed down. But I discovered as the day wore on that all the things she said the night before about working it out weren't true.
She said and did things, like prolonging the breakup, to spare my feelings. I know that. But I feel so much worse knowing how much she lied to me.
We weren't the best relationship...she had left me before for someone else and broke my heart, and came back a few weeks later when the other person didn't return her feelings. That was about two years ago.
Regardless of all that, I miss her fiercely. I'd give anything to hold her right now, to kiss her, just to be in her company or hear her voice. No matter how dysfunctional we were, I loved her throughout and I will probably love her forever.
I have been talking to friends and I have some good support, but it would be nice to hear it from someone with a similar experience.
My name is Clare, I'm 20 years old and 3 days ago my girlfriend of four years broke up with me.
We'd been having a few problems but I believe I was in denial of that, and in denial of my feelings. I had known in my heart for a few weeks that she didn't love me. I kept asking her if she did, and she would say she did, but you just know these things...don't you?
She didn't look at me the same. She didn't touch me the same. Talk to me the same. Act the same. She was never interested in doing anything physically. She would never do things to show me she loved me.
I kept saying I thought she didn't love me and she kept saying she actually did, and eventually I thought I was going insane. My constant worries about her feelings, her lying, what she might be doing when she wasn't with me...they were constant. I ended up becoming very frustrated and snappy, and took a lot of it out on her, and she eventually caved and left me.
She said we needed space and after a bit of a breakdown on my part I agreed that we did. I knew we did, but I wasn't particularly happy about it.
She kept saying we'd work it out, we'd still be close. She kept kissing me and holding me. I was really sad but it gave me a glimmer of hope.
The following day I had another breakdown, and I wanted to just end it. I didn't feel like I had the strength to deal with the breakup. I called her and we talked, and I calmed down. But I discovered as the day wore on that all the things she said the night before about working it out weren't true.
She said and did things, like prolonging the breakup, to spare my feelings. I know that. But I feel so much worse knowing how much she lied to me.
We weren't the best relationship...she had left me before for someone else and broke my heart, and came back a few weeks later when the other person didn't return her feelings. That was about two years ago.
Regardless of all that, I miss her fiercely. I'd give anything to hold her right now, to kiss her, just to be in her company or hear her voice. No matter how dysfunctional we were, I loved her throughout and I will probably love her forever.
I have been talking to friends and I have some good support, but it would be nice to hear it from someone with a similar experience.
On a slightly separate note, if I can offer a little advice as someone a little older is that I feel it's best to be not in a serious committed relationship at such a young age (25 and under). You have your whole life to do this! I was in a serious relationship from ages 19-23 and it is by far my one and only major regret. Take the time to be free, explore and meet many women especially those that you are more aligned with. I realize this can hopefully come in time after your heart has healed.
Many hugs and feel free to reach out or message me anytime!
I'm sorry you're going through the same thing, it is not easy for anyone and no one deserves such pain.
I agree, I was definitely too young for such an intense relationship, especially as I was only 15 when we first got together. Now I am trying to find myself as a single person and it's hard but I'm managing.
I'm concentrating on being with friends and coming to terms with the break up and once my heart has healed a little I can consider meeting new people but I will surely heed your advice about a serious relationship. To be honest I don't think I'll have the strength for one for a very long time anyway.
Thank you again for taking the time to comment :)
I told my ex last night that it leads me on when she wants to go on little dates or cudlle and hold my hand. Makes me feel like she was just kidding and that we will get back together and in the next breath she will say she wants to be single. It tears my heart apart and confuses the crap outta me. I know one of us needs to be strong and make boundaries but its hard to loose the person you love.
I feel your pain and litterally thought this was my post when i was reading it. If you need to chat you know where to message me :) I hope things get easier for you and for me and we are able to move on.
I understand the pain you are going through... It will be there for a while... Let it process.... Let it heal... Let the natural way heal it... Talk about it.. Cry... Keep busy... Do whatever make you feel comfortable... This time is tough... But it will go away... Let the time heal you...
And yes.. I agree with miss Moonlight4, explore.. And see where it takes you...
Wish u best of luck..
And the peace of heart.... :)
Trust me! The courage comes with the decision. Just tell yourself its past and its time to look beyond that. Try to avoid contact as much as you can. Healing is better done, once u are saperated because then you can actually think about alot of things and are not over rushed with emotions, anxieties and rage etc. You can clear your mind. Think about things which makes YOU happy!
I understand it is a small community. Try to avoid as much as it in your hands. Try to call some other friend and talk about the TV show :)
she is not the only one. Right...? Give yourself chance. Think about the possibilities life has to offer.
You are just 20, work on your acedamics and grades. Make future decisions. World is so big to explore. See there are many things that you could possibily find interest in. This way, u might get a bit distracted from the pain. Hang out with friends. Go places. Get active in other college stuff. if you have a hobby, Not? Then find something.
You will find many girls, who would love to be with you. Time is a magic healer. It will heal u. :)
I really hope you get through your ordeal and remember that your heart will heal and you will move on and make yourself happy first and then someone else happy. Sometimes we try to force a relationship together that is not supposed to be together.