Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I know I haven't posted lately but today i was really cut down by another girl. It hurt and i need some support and help.
So today a girl started talking to me, and I was talking to her back... and out of honesty i told her i was shallow and picky, I didn't say what i was looking for or anything like that but whatever... but it pissed her off.
Now mind you.. even though I told her this I have changed A LOT since when I first came out. Yes I do have a type... Do all the girls i talk to follow it.. never?!?!?! most of my type has to do with not physical qualities but emotional qualities... the only physical thing that i'd hope would be they don't smoke.... yes when i first came out it was physical... but then i look at every person i talk to... and i find qualities in them. Yes i still look at physical appearance, but not as much. No one has ever fit my type but we all have an Ideal person in your mind right!??? But we can't help who we fall in love with? Also... I feel that if you have a physical attraction to someone as well as an emotional attraction that's when you truly love them... if it's just emotional then there's no intimacy and i know some people are fine with no intimacy and that is fine too.... I know i'm not a good looking person but I work on my appearance for my own personal gain and for the fact I am not comfortable in my own skin... and it's not for anyone else.. i change for me... and I don't expect anyone to change for me... I want to love someone for who they truly are.... and now to the worse part...
She gave me her number and told me to call her if i needed help then told me that i did need help. But i didnt want to call her. So i gave her my number and she called me.. Not to help me... but she told me that I was trash, and then went on about her motocross career... saying that she was 2nd in the united states etc. and that's fine i'm not even sure how i pissed her off by saying motocross was cool? because she does it. Then i told her whatever i said would probably not matter or make any since and she told me that she had a 4.0 GPA so she is smart.. and i was like i didnt say you wern't then she told me i was a horrible person and that she wouldn't even waste tears on me. She told me there was no help for me and told me i told me i'm going to hell for being judgemental (note you i told her many times i have changed) and i told her i had no right to judge anyone. and then she told me that any girl that talks to me is stupid for liking me because I'm an asshole. She just told me all this stuff to belittle me. And why it doesn't bother me as much as it normally would I just feel that I have changed and I try to help everyone and im not judgemental... hell my whole job about being an RA is to be open minded and love everyone and i love everyone I do. But i'm a bad person for having some type of person in my mind or knowing what i like....
I guess what I'm trying to say is those of you who have seen me or talked to me... or even just known me do you think i'm a bad person.... for knowing what i like ...even though it's never finite..the girl i'm talking to now wouldn't be considered my "type" but i still like her and have feelings for her?? i mean i know that sounds bad...but she calls herself my exception... I don't know... I'm so confused... I feel like i am a horrible person.. and some of what she said is sinking in to my heart and it really hurts...
The phone conversation ended like this " Well I'm going to hang up now because I actually have a life and have other things to do than sit here and try to help people who there is no help for, so i hope you have fun being a bitch, bye bitch" ....
***SORRY FOR IT BEING SO LONG I REALLY HAD TO EXPLAIN***
So today a girl started talking to me, and I was talking to her back... and out of honesty i told her i was shallow and picky, I didn't say what i was looking for or anything like that but whatever... but it pissed her off.
Now mind you.. even though I told her this I have changed A LOT since when I first came out. Yes I do have a type... Do all the girls i talk to follow it.. never?!?!?! most of my type has to do with not physical qualities but emotional qualities... the only physical thing that i'd hope would be they don't smoke.... yes when i first came out it was physical... but then i look at every person i talk to... and i find qualities in them. Yes i still look at physical appearance, but not as much. No one has ever fit my type but we all have an Ideal person in your mind right!??? But we can't help who we fall in love with? Also... I feel that if you have a physical attraction to someone as well as an emotional attraction that's when you truly love them... if it's just emotional then there's no intimacy and i know some people are fine with no intimacy and that is fine too.... I know i'm not a good looking person but I work on my appearance for my own personal gain and for the fact I am not comfortable in my own skin... and it's not for anyone else.. i change for me... and I don't expect anyone to change for me... I want to love someone for who they truly are.... and now to the worse part...
She gave me her number and told me to call her if i needed help then told me that i did need help. But i didnt want to call her. So i gave her my number and she called me.. Not to help me... but she told me that I was trash, and then went on about her motocross career... saying that she was 2nd in the united states etc. and that's fine i'm not even sure how i pissed her off by saying motocross was cool? because she does it. Then i told her whatever i said would probably not matter or make any since and she told me that she had a 4.0 GPA so she is smart.. and i was like i didnt say you wern't then she told me i was a horrible person and that she wouldn't even waste tears on me. She told me there was no help for me and told me i told me i'm going to hell for being judgemental (note you i told her many times i have changed) and i told her i had no right to judge anyone. and then she told me that any girl that talks to me is stupid for liking me because I'm an asshole. She just told me all this stuff to belittle me. And why it doesn't bother me as much as it normally would I just feel that I have changed and I try to help everyone and im not judgemental... hell my whole job about being an RA is to be open minded and love everyone and i love everyone I do. But i'm a bad person for having some type of person in my mind or knowing what i like....
I guess what I'm trying to say is those of you who have seen me or talked to me... or even just known me do you think i'm a bad person.... for knowing what i like ...even though it's never finite..the girl i'm talking to now wouldn't be considered my "type" but i still like her and have feelings for her?? i mean i know that sounds bad...but she calls herself my exception... I don't know... I'm so confused... I feel like i am a horrible person.. and some of what she said is sinking in to my heart and it really hurts...
The phone conversation ended like this " Well I'm going to hang up now because I actually have a life and have other things to do than sit here and try to help people who there is no help for, so i hope you have fun being a bitch, bye bitch" ....
***SORRY FOR IT BEING SO LONG I REALLY HAD TO EXPLAIN***
no you are not mean. lol getting distant from me yes but then again i guess im getting distent from you as well for now we have things we need to do. so its no ones fault on that one.
neway, seems like she had the problem. or was misunderstanding you somehow. who knows.
*offers meatloaf and beef gravy*
lessee.....(btw i made the potatoes and gravy and their num num)
idk how to end this sooooo....
*eats dinner*
~Wolfie
1) You're 19. Your 'type' is going to change every month, for almost a decade. Just go with the flow, be yourself and open to all the changes life has in store for you. Don't be afraid of your personal growth. Work on being self-aware and see yourself for who you are. Accept it and revel in your unique beauty.
2) Don't let anyone - ever - hang out in your life who disrespects you and is unkind. Not Ever. Once someone crosses the line, realize this is who they are..and move on. Taking immature, mean words to heart is a waste of your precious time and energy. You have a life to live ~ live it in confidence and with a big smile.
Forge ahead honey!!!
She was flirty with me...and I just told her out of honesty
that I was told I was shallow by my friends and I was talking to someone.
As for what started the whole conversation i'm not sure... I just told her I can't bring myself to look at her messages from when she first messaged me because it just hurts so bad.
Then Out of stupidity I gave her my number because I wanted to talk to her and tell her that what she thought of me was all wrong.
She called and told me that i'm a bad person, I'm going to hell for being judgmental, told me i was trash, and that I couldn't be helped and I was a bitch....
I feel i was judged because she doesn't even know me... she just randomly started talking to me. I'm not a bad person. I took her criticism and her name calling over the phone and tried not to believe any of it. Then I just started thinking to myself that I was this horrible person for being judgmental when I really can't change who I am but I try not to judge anyone based on looks. I just have certain things that I would like in a mate.
Thank You for those who have replied.... I hope this cleared some of it up... I can try to explain more but it was so heart-wrenching and still stuck in my head that It's hard for me to move on yet. She was not my friend before, she added me on the website, messaged me, and then in 5 seconds was tearing me down.
As for my insecurities... Yes i do have them.... I have noticed more than anything that i am judgmental when it comes to picking girls... I just don't know how to stop... I know i'm not the best looking so I have no right to judge. I find other girls more attractive than others. But I don't cut them out of my life I never know where any relationship is going. It's a hard thing to admit too especially when so many people look down about those who "judge".