Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I am in a (sort of) long distance relationship. We are 50 or so miles apart and neither of us drive. So it's a couple of hours and a lot of money on public transport.
We've been together about six months. The first three were amazing - we were so into each other. We went out a lot, saw each other once a week without fail, and did all sorts of things together. I had never felt so loved and wanted in all my life.
Then, the last three months...things haven't been the same. I put my girlfriend's slight less interest down to the fact that she was under stress. She wasn't making enough money to cover her rent and eat, and her job and uni life was stressful, not to mention her somewhat dysfunctional family.
We have argued a lot over these last few months. I have become insecure and very worried. We argue about this, because I do voice my concerns when I have them. I am told they aren't necessary, which kind of hurts, because I think all feelings are relevant, even if they're not justified, they come from somewhere and do matter.
I realised last month that she was very close to her ex. They only split up about 6/7 months prior. Her ex lives two doors away from her as well. There was one occasion upon visiting my girlfriend that she saw her ex walking up the street and she pushed me into a shop to hide from her. Another occasion, we got off the bus three stops early to avoid seeing her ex, who she was texting, and that was how she knew she'd be getting that bus. My girlfriend accidentally sent her ex pictures of us together (they were meant to go to me) and she sent her very grovelling texts. Her ex did her tattos for her, did her hair for her, they went round to each other's flats, etc...(I found some of this out, she didn't tell me.)
So I confronted her. Asked if anything was going on. She said no, and got quite defensive and angry. She said they are being 'civil' because her ex owes her money. I said it seems more than civil. I told her I wanted her to cool this friendship. She said she wants to keep me away from her ex in case her ex kicks off with me. I ask why she would, and she says she just doesn't trust her. In my opinion that either says she's hiding something, or her ex still has feelings for her. I know her ex is very hostile towards me, despite the fact I have never met her.
I don't know if she cooled it with her or not. The distance means I see her once a week usually. Following the argument about her ex, we were okay for a few weeks. Good, actually. Everything seemed fine. Then recently, again, we've been bickering. I find the distance hard and my girlfriend doesn't seem to make time for me to speak to me properly, and that's what I need for it to work. A bit of her time when I can't be with her physically. She used to text me all the time and now it takes her so long to reply and she doesn't seem interested.
She has been having money issues recently due to her job not being quite enough money. She can afford her rent but nothing else. I told her I would pay for her to see me, or lend her money if she really needs it (I don't have much myself but I'm in a slightly better living arrangement) and then I asked her if she thinks not seeing me would help her. She says she doesn't know.
What should I do? I love her, but I think I should let her go. I think she would be happier without me. I don't know. I feel lost, and sad.
We've been together about six months. The first three were amazing - we were so into each other. We went out a lot, saw each other once a week without fail, and did all sorts of things together. I had never felt so loved and wanted in all my life.
Then, the last three months...things haven't been the same. I put my girlfriend's slight less interest down to the fact that she was under stress. She wasn't making enough money to cover her rent and eat, and her job and uni life was stressful, not to mention her somewhat dysfunctional family.
We have argued a lot over these last few months. I have become insecure and very worried. We argue about this, because I do voice my concerns when I have them. I am told they aren't necessary, which kind of hurts, because I think all feelings are relevant, even if they're not justified, they come from somewhere and do matter.
I realised last month that she was very close to her ex. They only split up about 6/7 months prior. Her ex lives two doors away from her as well. There was one occasion upon visiting my girlfriend that she saw her ex walking up the street and she pushed me into a shop to hide from her. Another occasion, we got off the bus three stops early to avoid seeing her ex, who she was texting, and that was how she knew she'd be getting that bus. My girlfriend accidentally sent her ex pictures of us together (they were meant to go to me) and she sent her very grovelling texts. Her ex did her tattos for her, did her hair for her, they went round to each other's flats, etc...(I found some of this out, she didn't tell me.)
So I confronted her. Asked if anything was going on. She said no, and got quite defensive and angry. She said they are being 'civil' because her ex owes her money. I said it seems more than civil. I told her I wanted her to cool this friendship. She said she wants to keep me away from her ex in case her ex kicks off with me. I ask why she would, and she says she just doesn't trust her. In my opinion that either says she's hiding something, or her ex still has feelings for her. I know her ex is very hostile towards me, despite the fact I have never met her.
I don't know if she cooled it with her or not. The distance means I see her once a week usually. Following the argument about her ex, we were okay for a few weeks. Good, actually. Everything seemed fine. Then recently, again, we've been bickering. I find the distance hard and my girlfriend doesn't seem to make time for me to speak to me properly, and that's what I need for it to work. A bit of her time when I can't be with her physically. She used to text me all the time and now it takes her so long to reply and she doesn't seem interested.
She has been having money issues recently due to her job not being quite enough money. She can afford her rent but nothing else. I told her I would pay for her to see me, or lend her money if she really needs it (I don't have much myself but I'm in a slightly better living arrangement) and then I asked her if she thinks not seeing me would help her. She says she doesn't know.
What should I do? I love her, but I think I should let her go. I think she would be happier without me. I don't know. I feel lost, and sad.
This might be cruel, but based from what you relayed here, I think she's not that into you anymore. You said the first three months were great, but reality states that the honeymoon stage has already long gone. That "I don't know" thing she gave you as an answer could mean "it's up to you but I don't really care." I'm sorry dear but I'm speaking based from experience. :( And I get how much this hurts.
Please avoid spending for this person; let alone lending her money as it could be her ticket towards taking advantage of you. A person's disinterest just shows that they're not just interested. Always remember that if a person truly cares for you and wants to be with you, it shouldn't take a lot of convincing on your part. Even if she has money problems, she should have taken the time to communicate with you properly. That's what a good relationship partner should, and I think you deserve better.
Letting go is love, too, because you love yourself enough to distance yourself away from someone who doesn't deserve your love. :) *hugs*