Hello fellow old schooler lol. Ok here is the dilemma, are you ladies going steady? Or you and her have different expectations? Like you want to settle and she still wants to see what's out there in the market?

Since you made it clear that you can't lower yourself to her expectations then I would say you made the right decision for yourself. Just keep looking out there, eventually you'll find a fellow old schooler like yourself. We're all out there you know haha. :D

hi no we have tried seeing each other couple of times but she wasnt honest with me i told her from day one i dont share. i havent ever dated more than one person at a time and this has never been a problem before. i wish i didnt get attached easily and could just say next. thank you for your advice just didnt know if this is normal

Alij,

Maybe the issue is that you get attached quickly. She sounds like she wants to have feelings for the person, or some "smack" in the head type thing, which is a fantasy, but if she wants to believe it, so be it.

You weren't clear about her seeing other people though, I'm getting that she doesn't want to be exclusive right away? she wants to make sure of you first? Or is she really hanging with other women? Dating others?

I'm one that doesn't "date", i just try to get to know someone first. If we are clicking i might have sex, but that will be dependent on my and her feelings for one another. I figure once we get to a point of sexual relations, it should be exclusive. But it takes time to get there for me...there have been times i've gone too fast, and deeply regretted it after. Its more difficult the seperate after embarking...than it is before you've committed to sexual relations.

Just my thinking, but i'm much older than you alij and so have made lots of the mistakes. While you don't want to go around having sex with 4 women at one time, there's no reason you cant make friends with a few and see which you have a connection with, if you even do. Are we talking the same thing???

yes you are definately correct i get attached very quickly. she is very intense like i am. we are both very sexual people and moved way too fast. first date was very intense i had only known her for couple of weeks she ended up telling me she loved me and i ran like the wind. so gave her another chance couple months later. we are very similar but i cant be with someone i dont trust and that has told me she is dating others. dont get how someone can tell you they love you and call you baby and mush you to death and have others they play with

I'm a lot like you ali...I don't share either. And I made that clear like you did in the beginning. I think you did the right thing. If she truly loves you, she will realize and be exclusive. Good luck to you!

Umm...I'm going to just go with my thoughts here...

Why can't people 'date' these days? Is EVERYONE incapable of getting to know someone before they hop in the sack?

Typical: "Hi! We texted, emailed for 2 weeks and just had a great dinner! Now after 5 hours I see you are fun to be around. And, I like your eyes. You make me laugh and feel good about myself. You're actually pretty cute! Hey...let's hop in the sack tonight!"

Weeks Later, "Hmmm. I've been having sex with this girl and now I have all these endorphin's flying around. I really barely know her and something isn't quite right. Hey! You! Who the hell are you???"

:O/

IMO, dating is supposed to be about taking the purposeful time to get to know someone as a FRIEND to SEE if a healthy compatible connection is possible; THEN - MAYBE- to move beyond and see if that connection might become a wonderful, unique partnership.
IMO, a person is not 'committed' just because they are hanging out with you. Couples are committed because they've each talked about it and decided that's what they both want. That then becomes 'exclusively dating'.

It's quite simple really,...Keep sex out of 'dating',..and nobody gets hurt. LOL..
I know I'm older and have been around the block too many times, but if someone I was dating/seeing told me they didn't like me seeing other people because they didn't like 'sharing me'......as I showed them them the door,...I'd ask them "at what point during this 'getting to know you time'..did I transition from being someone you are getting to know into something you owned?"

hmmm ms teri. yes i am an adult been around block many times and i realize i moved too f7ast. no excuses had been almost year since was with 4444a woman and lets just say was feeling needy frisky horny dont know nice word for it. guess was just venting have never dated a woman that is dating someone else. my fault for moving too fast. im just honest and straight forward just dont want someone laying on the bullshit if they are playing games. i dont play and told her that from day one.

I know you're history Ali. What was 'bullshit' about her telling you the truth?

and, what was 'bullshit' about your admitted feelings of 'feeling needy frisky horny?'

I repeat.
We all are accountable for what we do. There comes a time in every souls life that we must accept accountability and quit blaming everyone else for 'what they do to us'.

When we acknowledge our weaknesses and see them clearly; and stop blaming others because they trusted and believed in our own 'bullshit'...life journeys will be based on clarity, strength, authenticity and grace.

Do Not Blame Others for what We Ourselves Cannot LIve Up To.

Ali, if someone was telling me they loved me and getting all mushy and it was reciprocal, I wouldn't want them dating others either. On the other hand, I agree with Teri and Bre. Take your time, get to know someone. That will probably head off a lot of problems.

i did admit that i made mistakes and moved too fast. yes its my fault im always good at blaming myself for everything the bullshit as i called it was her texting me non stop how much she missed me, loved me couldnt wait to see me but i cut it off because she was never available but freaked out when i didnt reply immediately. so yes it is mostly my fault i am an adult and make my own decisions im just saying im not capable of not being completely honest and wont be with them if they are with
someone else if we are too the mushy point. i know she lied to me many times guess i shouldnt vent. just wanted some advice. im not a child im an adult my fault i got sexual and attached. told her from day one to be straight up. next time i will go slow. thanks for advice

As it always has been for your approximate 2 year journey here on DS, Sister..... I will continue to hope you to find a way towards self love, strength, happiness, self confidence and peace..
However, after all this time with no change in your perspective,.....my energy and hope for you is not able to change either.
Share, vent, and once again, decide what is valuable and worth accepting...or not.

Ali,

Try to hear this advice on this page, as guidance for you, not attack or some trying to halt you speaking freely. What we would want for you is to find someone you can share you're life with. But by jumping in both feet first, often times we end up getting burned.

I can tell you that my plan is to make friends first, sex really does muddle everything up. Learn to temper your impetuousness, when you want to dive in, hold back. You will find in the end, it will be much better for you.

Telling us that this woman lied to you, and was texting telling you how much she loved you...etc...etc...should be a red flag for you, especially is she doesn't really know you yet. That is the idea of "dating". In fact, personally, I don't really date. I do things in the company of multiple people, and if someone sparks some interest, then i find ways for us to spend time together, talk, exchange ideas, etc.. Other than this last relaionship, i've never even considered "taking it to the next level" (not sexual), before one year. Its one of the things I regret most about this last one, that I didn't give enough time.

To be honest, if i'm getting to know someone, I'm not interested in if she's "dating" someone else, unless she is sleeping with them. I won't come between two people if i can help it. But the fact that when i'm getting to know her, who cares, if she choses to run off with someone else impatiently, then i've got the answer i need, yes?

The best way to change things that do not produce positivity in our life, is to aknowledge them first, only then can we change them. You will be fine....take a deep breath and know there is somoene out there for you. but if you're jumping at the first person who shows attention, you are going to go through this, over and over, and over...and over....

Hugs ali there is nothing wrong with way you feel and the person you are iam this way as well i totally agree with you maybe this person is not rite for you and there exploring life and what it has to offer ithis situation may not be the right choice for you doesnt make her a bad person by her descions we are only human as sometimes we ware our hearts on our sleeve and get hurt by life experiences speaking as my life experience no matter what lenght of timeweeks ,monthes,years you may come to find out you still dont know them be genuine dont change the person who you are you have a beautiful heart old skool someone will appreciate that no matter how you feel aboyt this situation it just may not be 4 you and there nothing wrong with luv y be true good luk ali lol lgbt ghost

THANKS FOR ALL THE ADVICE MAYBE I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND SOME THINGS THAT ARE BEING SAID TO ME. I VENT ON HERE TO GET AN HONEST RESPONSE. I MAY NOT ALWAYS LIKE IT BUT I NEED IT. I HAVE BEEN ON HERE YES FOR 2 YEARS BUT HAVE LIVED MANY YEARS BEFORE THOSE 2 AND I DONT TELL ALL SO DOES ANYONE REALLY KNOW ME NOPE. I HAVE GROWN AND YES YOU HAVE HELPED ME IMMENSELY BUT YES IM STILL OVERSENSITIVE. I DONT JUMP THE FIRST WOMAN THAT WINKS AT ME IM ACTUALLY PRETTY PICKY AND WHEN FIND ONE I DO JUMP TO FAST . IF ONLY I WORKED AT A HOT MOMMA STORE INSTEAD OF A LITTLE OLD LADY STORE MAYBE I WOULD ACTUALLY RUN INTO A WOMAN. MAYBE MS TERI YOU COULD EXPLAIN WHAT YOU MEAN BY PERSPECTIVE. AND I WILL TRY NOT TO BITE

Hi Ali ~
I first want to sincerely apologize for being so fiesty and direct during my exchange with you during these last few exchanges. My views on dating,..were simply that.. my views..and really were not meant to be read as a judgement. I should have been wise enough to keep my thoughts about your situation...not my opinion :O/
My second post was inconsiderate and too direct. Sometimes I am into my own personal stuff and not in correct spiritual form to be empathetic and properly supportive. I am accountable for that. I deeply apologize for not once again embracing you and showing you that I simply care about your long hard journey here.

I find that after 2 years of suporting you...my logical mind becomes a bit perplexed and worried about you..and this is because I care. This is about me..not you..so I will work on how I deal between spiritual awareness and human logic as you continue to vent and share your life experiences here. ((hug)) I promise you this. ((long hug))

To answer your question,
..to me, the word 'perspective' means someones mental view or outlook. I stay close to you.. I have been there when you joined, while you struggled, when you disappeared for long periods of time, read your journals, and I see you now.
When I said, "...after all this time with no change in perspective,..my energy and hope for you is not able to change."..it meant that as long as you stay in this place of deep pain and insecurity...and reach out here on Daily Strength.....I will stand up to it like I always have...like a warrior fighting off your darkness over and over and over again,..until you either hear me..or get so mad you make a change..or once again prove to me that I am wasting my time.

You have sought out help and are receiving help and I am so very glad. The goal is about your finding self love, strength and clarity and I hope it comes together for you very, very soon.

Thank you for being so honest and open and allowing me the opportunity to apologize, explain and show you that I care. I ask that any further communication regarding this particular post be done via direct DS message.