Jealousy Support Group
Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. If you or a loved one may have an issue with jealousy, this community is a good place to start exploring the issue and get support. We're here for...
i apologize all, i haven't been on for quite some time. a lot of things have improved with my jealousy, and a lot of issues still remain. i've been so busy lately which is good for keeping my mind off these things, but as always there are things that prevail.
i have made many posts involving mine and my husbands best friends here. they are really great people with wonderful insight at times and generosity and grace that i could only dream of (well, really i speak for MY friend, the wife :) ) But aside from all these things i just can't seem to let go of some of the reservations i have...and it kills me. For one thing, their kindness and positive qualities affects me strangely (and this has come up throughout my life) it just seems to make me feel like even worse of a human being. I know that it's probably entirely selfish to think this way. I mean, who does this? Who takes all these good things and turns them around like that?
Anyway, it kind of feels to me like i am competing, in some offhand way, for my husbands respect and attention whenever they're around. I sense that I hold no spark. I do not provide the kind of stimulation or excitement that they both do for him. And i always let it effect my mood and the time i have and the comments i make. It's embarrassing not being able to control myself. It kills me because they know how i am and don't let it stop them or bother them, which it shouldn't. they are just that much better.
But along with all this are some negative influences that i can see happening. Whenever we all get together (and often there are other people there as well) the atmosphere in general goes into this party mode and can sometimes get out of control, but not always. My husband, you can say, already has a problem with his drinking and it gets magnified a lot in these situations. In the past it has caused problems in the both of us but lately it has often resulted in him verbally abusing me. It's getting to be overwhelming.
i don't like being like this at all, but it really is effecting....my life. It always seems like i am the bad guy and its frustrating, albeit true. i am now pregnant again with our second child :) which causes me to go into a protective and internal mode. i don't always feel like socializing in these party or even non-party environments but i try not to let that hold him back. so i've been letting him go out and go to friends without me and without me feeling too upset or left out. but when he comes back too drunk and starts saying awful things to me, it creates a problem. i know that it offends him sometimes, he thinks i don't want to spend time with him or don't like his friends, but i'm not trying to do it to hurt anyone. i'm just being selfish and protecting myself.
i'm sorry, this is quite a ramble and unorganized and i don't know if i'm conveying the message the way i want to...but i really needed to get it out somehow. thank you for listening!
i have made many posts involving mine and my husbands best friends here. they are really great people with wonderful insight at times and generosity and grace that i could only dream of (well, really i speak for MY friend, the wife :) ) But aside from all these things i just can't seem to let go of some of the reservations i have...and it kills me. For one thing, their kindness and positive qualities affects me strangely (and this has come up throughout my life) it just seems to make me feel like even worse of a human being. I know that it's probably entirely selfish to think this way. I mean, who does this? Who takes all these good things and turns them around like that?
Anyway, it kind of feels to me like i am competing, in some offhand way, for my husbands respect and attention whenever they're around. I sense that I hold no spark. I do not provide the kind of stimulation or excitement that they both do for him. And i always let it effect my mood and the time i have and the comments i make. It's embarrassing not being able to control myself. It kills me because they know how i am and don't let it stop them or bother them, which it shouldn't. they are just that much better.
But along with all this are some negative influences that i can see happening. Whenever we all get together (and often there are other people there as well) the atmosphere in general goes into this party mode and can sometimes get out of control, but not always. My husband, you can say, already has a problem with his drinking and it gets magnified a lot in these situations. In the past it has caused problems in the both of us but lately it has often resulted in him verbally abusing me. It's getting to be overwhelming.
i don't like being like this at all, but it really is effecting....my life. It always seems like i am the bad guy and its frustrating, albeit true. i am now pregnant again with our second child :) which causes me to go into a protective and internal mode. i don't always feel like socializing in these party or even non-party environments but i try not to let that hold him back. so i've been letting him go out and go to friends without me and without me feeling too upset or left out. but when he comes back too drunk and starts saying awful things to me, it creates a problem. i know that it offends him sometimes, he thinks i don't want to spend time with him or don't like his friends, but i'm not trying to do it to hurt anyone. i'm just being selfish and protecting myself.
i'm sorry, this is quite a ramble and unorganized and i don't know if i'm conveying the message the way i want to...but i really needed to get it out somehow. thank you for listening!
you are right in a lot of ways. i feel some kind of need to blame myself i guess because i know that at times i can be insensitive toward him as well. maybe i didn't tell the whole story...sometimes i feel as if he'd rather be with his friends than me. but a good friend i met on here pointed out that it's pretty normal to feel as if you are not that as interesting to your partner and that when with other people it may seem they get more out of the interaction.
i don't know...i guess the main problem is that i love our friends ,and truth be told we really don't see them a lot, but when we're all together i feel as if they are taking over a little bit. i know its anyone's god-given right to be able to get together and dream about their future and so maybe sometimes i take it a little bit too seriously.
they're very motivated people who come up with a lot of money-making ideas, and my husband who suffers at his 9 to 5 job gets lured in by that very quickly. its kind of like they lead him on, but don't mean to at all. i have to be clear that they are wonderful friends and great people, just that some of their influence is not good for the well-being of me and my husbands relationship. long story short i do feel like the bad guy for thinking all these things, but cant help but see that unless we get some space from them (and i don't mean totally cutting off ties) the dynamic in our relationship may never change and i may never be happy.
basically when they talk about being one big happy family forever, i cringe. i'm very possessive of my family and take it personal when it seems he doesn't want us to have our OWN future together.
well i appreciate you taking time to hear my jumbled thoughts!