Jealousy Support Group

Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. If you or a loved one may have an issue with jealousy, this community is a good place to start exploring the issue and get support. We're here for...

1,585 Members
1,581 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Jealousy Support Group

just trying to avoid the jealousy

Rivasllene
Rivasllene
Just found out that my husband has a girlfriend...not really. That's just me being dramatic as usual. But of course there are girls he interacts with at these parties he goes to at our friends house. I knew it; it's not as if it were something to hide anyway. But keeping it quiet is a fine idea.
Yes, I avoid these parties. I'm selfish. I don't like to be around drinkin' and druggin' if I can't be a part of it (as I am pregnant). It's a bit immature, I know. But I also am aware of what makes me feel bad and left out and I'm just not a big enough person to let it happen.
So yeah, a big part of why I don't go is for that reason and also that I don't have to deal with my husband's social behavior. The point of it all is that he can go flirt, dance and hang out with people more attractive and fun than me and I don't have to have it in my face. I would probably just analyze it all night. All I have to worry about when he goes is taking care of my son and being safe and home and hoping that he's being safe where he is.
I know it's selfish. I know it's unfair too. All he really wants is for me to go down there and be with him. And yes, maybe he wouldn't have to be all over other girls if I would just go, but I just don't want to be that person that ruins my own night and his and possibly other people's if I'm there.
I try to explain to him that I don't understand why he's even with me. I don't treat him right by always being so paranoid and making my stupid remarks and assuming things. I know very well that he is good when he's away and that I can trust him but I just don't know how to make myself believe it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
There you go again blaming yourself, thought i told you off about that last time! Your selfish? NO YOUR NOT! Immature? What to protect yourself and your baby? Doesnt make you the mature one? Unfair, what you? No, not from what i hear.
Maybe you find it hard to believe cos his actions go against what your trying to install in yourself? Round object, square hole.
Rivasllene
Rivasllene
i like the way you put that, mr. sensitive, "round object, square hole". it definitely holds true in a way. what i want is to be able to be the person that's okay with innocent things like just dancing with another girl at a party. i don't think he even touched her or anything. to me, it seems like the norm is being not so uptight and just having fun. i try and tell myself that i could act the very same way, because he says i could and he wouldn't get jealous...so why don't i??? well, it's because i'm just not interested most of the time. i honestly don't really even look at other men. sometimes i feel like i'm asexual or something (although i do get very horny a lot of the time haha). it bothered me when he started talking about this certain girl that was "hella cool" and he wanted me to meet and she just kept coming up, it's like i said before, i really just don't want to hear about it. Out of sight, out of mind. and being the crazy jealous one i even looked her up on facebook, and of course she is beautiful...it made me feel worse. :o(
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know it must be hard - but you certainly aren't being selfish. Infact, you're being the opposite. Selfish would be telling him he has to stay home (which is what I would probably try to do). I would also never allow my BF to dance with another chick..I just wouldn't be able to handle it. In time, maybe. But not now.

You're doing amazing. Stop being so hard on yourself. My BF never goes out, and on the weekend he said he might stop by his friend's house on Sunday. Big deal, right? The guy lives on his own, and it would have just been the 2 of them...and I had to fight down the jealousy so that it didn't rear it's ugly head!! I knew I was being ridiculous, and he didn't end up going (although I made no mention of how I was feeling and acted perfectly fine about the situation) but wow, how dare I get upset if he wants to go see his best friend who he rarely sees.

Immature? I have ALOT of growing up to do, but you don't, you're doing great!!! :)
Rivasllene
Rivasllene
thanks for the encouragement lisa :o) and you are doing great too. i know you've been trying really hard.
for some reason i still hold onto this unrealistic idea that i can be "cured" when i know good and well that it's just not true. what has to happen is that i need to figure out how to deal with the jealousy and apply it for the rest of my life.