Jealousy Support Group

Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. If you or a loved one may have an issue with jealousy, this community is a good place to start exploring the issue and get support. We're here for...

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/ Jealousy Support Group

Help Im going crazy.

mandakasravi
mandakasravi
First I need to give you a little background since im pretty new around here.
My hubby is iranian living in iran and he is in the military he just got out of bootcamp (national service) so he isn't out his country. Before that he worked in another city (tehran) away from home. He worked with his friend (male) in an office which shared the building with other offices (where girls work). Nearer the end of his time there one of the girls started working with them in this tiny office lol. Anyway i have it in my head that he is/was seeing her.......

NOW he is back in his home city and working for the military, I told him I feel uncomfy at the thought of him going back to virit because I am so insecure. TODAY he has to go to base to find out where he will be stationed for the remaining months (I PRAY not back in Tehran). He heard it should be his home city which makes me feel better.

So he is todays problem.....his friend (today) text him today asking him when he is going back to tehran, okay i can cope with that, in the same convo he told me his other friend (male) who he is going to base with today told him they might need to stay there overnight, I can cope with that too...........

BUT what I CANT cope with is the thoughts running through my mind that he is saying that cose he is going to sneek off to tehran later and giving me the bullshit in advance my friend said....maybe we will need to stay at the base arghhh

There really is no reason why they would have to do that there only going to be told where they will work. 2 + 2 doesnt equal 4 in my eyes. What is worse is as soon as he realised I was panicking he wanted to run said I wasnt to stress him it might not happen (staying over) said forget bout it.

How can I, now I have to sit here and wait till I get contact and if i don't I need to be feeling scared and worried and sick. :( :(

I FEEL SHITTY
mandakasravi
mandakasravi
Okay so 2 and a half hours later he calls me and says they are getting taken to another base i ask why he says i dont know i said why didnt they tell you what was going on where you are already......then changes it (or i misunderstood) and says that he will be working at this base morning till noon, but doesnt know why they are going now. I start getting stressed when he says he has to switch his phone off because they are going inside (phones off in the base are normal)

im stressing and all he can say is "DONT STRESS ME" on going, I say how long will you be there for "I don't know we might need to stay" I say when will you go home "I dont know"

Fuck him he is such an asshole, you know I am crying right now and it isnt because of him going to base or having phone off or not knowing when we will talk........................ITS because I am fucking scared he is lying to me and he is going to tehran for the night........................GOD I HATE LIVING IN FEAR.
deleted_user
deleted_user
he sounds like every other male/female asshole lier out there.

i dont want to worry you..
but if you think he is lying then he probably is..and if hes lying then he is sleeping with her.

but thne again i dont know your husband, but i did see ' not without my daughter' and i dont like what i see about those iranian men.

are you australian? or iranian too?

you need to get the TRUTH out of him lady dont let him fuck you over, you shouldnt have to live in FEAR!

do what you need to do to be happy!
mandakasravi
mandakasravi
Im neither australian or iranian im scottish, I am shit scared not because of him or about lies but because i am soooooo insecure. I always have been in every relationship. It is me that has the problem and it is so hard to deal with it.

P.s you get bad guys from all races lol not just iranian men.
mandakasravi
mandakasravi
Why cant I be easy come easy go, of course in every relationship there is a chance someone could cheat but normal people dont go around panicking and waiting on it happening, they take it easy if it happens i will deal with it they dont let it ruin there relationship or there life.

Why can't I be part of the norm I feel like i am getting punished from a higher power, because seriously my mind is so sxrewed up.
deleted_user
deleted_user
wow, i cant really say anything to make you feel better, cause if i was in your situation i would feel just as shitty, what u can do is weigh out things that have happened, like is there anything hes done in the past to make you feel like hes cheating? and have you seen what this woman looks like? im here for you if you need me, i can somewhat relate
mandakasravi
mandakasravi
Not really he has done things in the past to shake my trust though. I haven't seen her (well i don't think i have) there are dif girls there, I used to have a problem with the secetary there (not his) but now it has moved onto this girl who started picking up his office phone cose she was helping out apparantly grrr. I always find someone to have a problem with wherever he goes :(
deleted_user
deleted_user
im the same way, my bf works in an office thats over populated by woman and just knowing that hes there all day with these girls drives me up a wall. what i try to do, is just keep busy so i dnt think about, about a lot of the time that doesnt even work. i know its hard to just not think about it. do you have any children with him?
mandakasravi
mandakasravi
No not with him but I have 2 children from the past, still they call him dad...... i was like this in the past too in all my relationships
deleted_user
deleted_user
aww, ive always been like this in my past relationships too.its actually bc of my jealousy that they usually end. it would be great if there was just a cure for jealousy but theres not. to me, jealousy is the worst kind of pain, cause it like attacks your brain and every thought.the only thing that works for me is talking to other ppl about things, not my bf cause he laughs and just tells me to stop being obsessive about stupid things.
mandakasravi
mandakasravi
Yea they totally dont understand and they feel like the victim, in a way maybe they are but we are worse off because they can walk away from it but we have to live with it everyday of our life.
deleted_user
deleted_user
totally, jealousy is like a disease that there is no cure for
mandakasravi
mandakasravi
you know something people say if u dont trust your partner then you shouldnt be with them, no trust no relationship,....but does that count for us too.

should having this illness mean we should stay single or leave our partners because of our fear.

i always wonder
bluemoon23
bluemoon23
One thing to remember to help ease your mind is that with any military group there are going to be unpredictable situations. I know a few people in the military, and my cousin is married to one of my closest friends who has been in the army for years and they never tell them anything! I have many friends who never know what they are going to be doing that day until they get there and are never told for how long either. With my cousins husband it is like that all the time because of his job in the military, it's always for safety reasons. I know it's hard not to be jealous and think these thoughts, because we all have them. But hopefully this gives you a reason to try and not be discouraged.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i dnt think we should always be alone cause of this. we just need to find ppl who we love enough to go through all this for, and ppl who understand, or adleast try to understand. its really hard, especially if our partner is not the jealous type at all. to me, there is a line between jealousy and trust, like i trust my boyfriend, but still get crazy jealous. its important to not give up on your relationship because ppl say if theres no trust theres no relationship, all relationships are diffrent and not all of them are out of like a storybook
mandakasravi
mandakasravi
blue moon ur right i know it is like that there.....BUT he told me that he will work from morning till noon at this base which is fine, but why not go home tonight why keep him he doesnt live far from there and he was there from 4.30pm. I cant see any reason why theyd say u have to stay tonight sigh