Jealousy Support Group
Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may or may not know that he or she is perceived as a threat. If you or a loved one may have an issue with jealousy, this community is a good place to start exploring the issue and get support. We're here for...
Please do not misconstrude this as an attack, but it is starting to get to me when I see it written in so many posts. I'm also going to open up on this that I am bisexual and I've been with both sexes...so please don't stand there and be like "You don't know what it's like", in many ways I do have an understanding.
I'm gonna say this straight out. Why is this always such a big deal? I realize that it has a bit to do with the fact that he's valuing women on some sort of video over having sex with you. that's not the truth, but quite opposing. I watch porn now and then, just about all men do. Sometimes getting a quick one off is easier because we'd really like the release.
Yes, it's amazing that you're making sex available to him and obviously your sex life is quite active with him. That's awesome and kudos to you. But who's to say that while he's away from you at some point he gets the urge and decides he wants to be rid of it instead of simply supressing it for later.
I'm sorry but this is a big pet peeve of mine and obviously it's a very large issue with so many people so this needs to be said. It's not that he's trying to replace you, it's not that he finds your sex life or you boring, it's simply the fact that he's horny. These people on the video are not his new sexual targets. And it's not an addiction to want to watch porn now and then.
I try to compare it to this. I have issues with marijuana, I hate the stuff and believe that it should be destroyed and nobody should EVER use it for anything. Many people will argue with me. My current girlfriend smokes pot once every year or so. I've tried to not let this be an issue cause in all honesty, it's something she enjoys. She's not using it to intentionally harm me or to replace me or whatever else. it's simply she likes to have that high. I'm sure many people here could easily stand here and say "Man, it's just weed.". Well it's just porn, it's about masturbating, doesn't really have anything to do with you and it's not to try and hurt you.
Masturbation is something that is fun and many women do it as well. If you haven't, then in alot of ways you're missing out on things that you could actually enjoy and you'll never know because you haven't explored that yet. And yes it can be used to get rid of the work of sex. It puts alot of strain on us to have sex (whether you're either sex), the movements and positions and angles...they all simply go together. I have a hard time orgasming from being the bottom participant. Why? Because the angles feel off.
This goes for the same thing with men who have problems with their girlfriends using sex toys. I'm sorry, but that's about as ridiculous as being jealous of porn. They're using something that was created to get people off. And what's insane about the entire thing is that both can really add some spice to your sex life if you took the time to get past this view of them being these horrible things.
Now I will say this for all of you, to kinda go to bat on your own side. When it seems that these things are being used regularly to replace intercourse. Where they haven't touched you in weeks or would rather just use the porn/toy to get off rather then have intercourse with you...there's a problem. That's where there's a lack of attraction or an addiction happening. Not if every couple of months they're deciding to use it to get off quickly, i'm sorry but it's sex not a fix.
I'm gonna say this straight out. Why is this always such a big deal? I realize that it has a bit to do with the fact that he's valuing women on some sort of video over having sex with you. that's not the truth, but quite opposing. I watch porn now and then, just about all men do. Sometimes getting a quick one off is easier because we'd really like the release.
Yes, it's amazing that you're making sex available to him and obviously your sex life is quite active with him. That's awesome and kudos to you. But who's to say that while he's away from you at some point he gets the urge and decides he wants to be rid of it instead of simply supressing it for later.
I'm sorry but this is a big pet peeve of mine and obviously it's a very large issue with so many people so this needs to be said. It's not that he's trying to replace you, it's not that he finds your sex life or you boring, it's simply the fact that he's horny. These people on the video are not his new sexual targets. And it's not an addiction to want to watch porn now and then.
I try to compare it to this. I have issues with marijuana, I hate the stuff and believe that it should be destroyed and nobody should EVER use it for anything. Many people will argue with me. My current girlfriend smokes pot once every year or so. I've tried to not let this be an issue cause in all honesty, it's something she enjoys. She's not using it to intentionally harm me or to replace me or whatever else. it's simply she likes to have that high. I'm sure many people here could easily stand here and say "Man, it's just weed.". Well it's just porn, it's about masturbating, doesn't really have anything to do with you and it's not to try and hurt you.
Masturbation is something that is fun and many women do it as well. If you haven't, then in alot of ways you're missing out on things that you could actually enjoy and you'll never know because you haven't explored that yet. And yes it can be used to get rid of the work of sex. It puts alot of strain on us to have sex (whether you're either sex), the movements and positions and angles...they all simply go together. I have a hard time orgasming from being the bottom participant. Why? Because the angles feel off.
This goes for the same thing with men who have problems with their girlfriends using sex toys. I'm sorry, but that's about as ridiculous as being jealous of porn. They're using something that was created to get people off. And what's insane about the entire thing is that both can really add some spice to your sex life if you took the time to get past this view of them being these horrible things.
Now I will say this for all of you, to kinda go to bat on your own side. When it seems that these things are being used regularly to replace intercourse. Where they haven't touched you in weeks or would rather just use the porn/toy to get off rather then have intercourse with you...there's a problem. That's where there's a lack of attraction or an addiction happening. Not if every couple of months they're deciding to use it to get off quickly, i'm sorry but it's sex not a fix.
I hate porn and thats ok. its my opinion just as you have yours, your never going to understand how i feel, i dont understand the way you feel.
How can it be ok to seek sexual release (when you are in a relationship) from someone else? A large part of a relationship is intimacy, it is intimacy between 2 people, it is trust and respect!
When we see these women on tv they are seen as better than us, they are perfect, they can turn our partners on, yet they are nothing more than prostitutes and, if prostitutes are better than us than how bad do you think that can make us feel, how low can our self esteem be if we arent even as "good" as these cheap whores?
I can only speak from my point of view here, but i know some others on here feel the same as me!
Its not always about whether a man is using his hand to get off INSTEAD of being intimate with their partners, its the very fact that they are using images of other women to do something so intimate, something that should be reserved as an act of love!
Benson, im not attacking you and i can understand why in hindisight you'd like this post removed, this subject is just way too sensitive to discuss when any of the ppl involved do not understand the basic feelings of others! Feelings are not always rational and cant always be explained rationally!
From my point of view its not about urges, its about media, tv etc training ppl from a very young age that this crap is part of life, that its acceptable! If you could see how many tears have been shed regarding this subject, how many times ppl have cut themselves, how much pain has been caused just down to nudity, let alone porn it would no longer be a "peeve" to you cos its not a minor peeve to some of us, its something that can make a woman want to die, yes, it can give you suicidal thoughts and wishes!
Well, just my point of view, i wasnt going to post on here anymore so now i'll just fuck off again, this is way too upsetting!
It's a relief that the members of this site are willing to be so blatantly honest about their FEARS - INSECURITIES - ACTIONS - and - LIFESTYLES. It's something we can learn from and can find solace in when our own situations become emotional beyond reason.
I'm wondering what you wanted to accomplish by posting this? At first I thought you were genuinely curious as to why porn affects us...than I thought, he's kinda just throwing our vulnerability in our faces and saying "What's the big deal?"
If someone could get through to me and help me understand what the big deal is...I'd live a much happier much healthier life. So if you've got the answer - I'm fucking miserable, help a girl out?
Benson gave his opinion from a man's point of view. he didn't create porn, he isn't at fault.
DON'T get me wrong, I have and AM struggling with this same issue every day, to the point that I never want to leave my boyfriend alone at home EVER. Infact, he is home now and I am doing everything in my power to not think about what he might be doing
At the same time, Benson's post kinda helped me realize that it has nothing to do with me. My bf isn't comparing me..he's just being a retarded immature man. Yes, some men give porn up for their women, and that's fantasic that you can get your man to change. My ex, who I was with for 8 years, didn't watch porn at all. It was never an issue (at least not that I know of). My current bf, who I have been with 2 years does watch it. But I love him..so I am trying to get past it.
We also watch it together..and I have spoken to many women who's hubby's watch it constantly (mine watches rarely) and they have no problem with it. I really do wish I could be more like those women.
Anyways, I guess my point here is that yes, porn is a verrrrrry touchy subject on here. It has ruined MANY of my nights with my bf, I have cried MANY hours over it, but I'm losing the fight and I have to decide what is more important..being right or being happy.
Good luck to everyone..hope I don't get attacked for this. I wish porn didn't exist, but it does..so what's the answer? Just something to think about.
Firstly, to Drowning. I don't know why he does it. I'm not going to sit here and defend him to the cows come home cause that does no good. Your opinions are yours, mine are mine. If he's continuously looking at pictures and such, then that's for you and him to resolve. I would light to highlight that I did say if it's replacing you then there's a problem. By replacing i mean he's not touching you, not talking to you, pretty much all he wants to do is look at porn instead of pay any attention to you. It's there, and i wish people wouldn't just skip over that part of it.
Secondly, mstwilight. I'm going to say this straight out, blame porn for whatever you wish. If you feel that porn is what caused you to be a victim of a horrible crime then that's fine. It's how i dealt with my rape, I blamed alcohol for quite awhile, but got over it. I myself still can't tolerate the smell of whiskey without remembering he reeked of it, which is why i don't drink today.
To whom said Men don't understand. I believe we do just as well as anyone else. My current girlfriend is always saying things like "So and so (celebrity or person we know) is so sexy, I'd have his babies". Many women do say that and we as men have to live with it. Do you not think it's a bit degrading to us to have all these guys in TV shows and movies running around with their six packs and major pecs in our faces. Granted I don't much mind since I'm bisexual, but in alot of ways I have to wonder who she's thinking about when she's having sex with me. and that relates to what i say as well. I watch porn now and then for a quick release, she's not around, i'm horny, I get off. I'm perfectly honest with it though. She's asked me before and I've said that I do occasionally. She never gets mad or upset with me. I think honesty cures alot more, and hiding is definitely not a solution.
I want to thank the few of you who have in a way supported what I said here. I wasn't saying anything to target or be malecious; I was expressing an opinion that i definitely felt needed to be heard. There's all these guys who are continuously beat down and yes some sound advice comes from bashing them, but i think a voice needed to rise up and say that there's two sides to this story and as it was said the male voice isn't much heard on here. I realize that can really garner me as a target and frankly, that's fine. I'll take it. But please look at an entire post before you bash me in.
I'm also going to say this. Thank you to whomever said that I didn't create porn and such. I'm glad somebody pointed that out, cause it was starting to feel like I was getting bashed as if I was one of these people.
Its just as painful to many of us!