My mom was also very racist. DH and I got married and then told her. One month after our three year anniversary she met him for the first time. Before that she was TERRIBLE to us.

Now though we're on speaking terms. She finally came around and decided that he wasn't such a bad guy after all. I guess after three years she figured that she wasn't going to cause a divorce, so she gave up. We talk and spend time together, but I still don't trust her fully. I'm always looking for her to do something underhanded.

If you love your boyfriend and are happy being with him, then stay with him. Yes, it's your mom and I know how hard it is to not care.... BUT it's your relationship not hers. She doesn't have to agree with or even like your choice. Introducing them may help, but it's hard to say. It could just fuel her fire a little more. Maybe have them start communicating at a distance via phone or email maybe. Then move slowly into meeting.

Good luck!!! I do hope your mom comes around, because the three I spent without my mom were the longest of my life and I don't wish that for anyone.

Hi, i think you should live ur live for YOU. I know you love & respect your mom, but seriously...she ought to show u some respect in return. u shouldnt deny who you love b/c of what she or anyone else thinks. I know it would be hard but if ur really serious about ur bf & he makes u happy, isnt it worth it? I'm sure ur mom luvs u a lot and like many other ppl she'll come around. I wish u best of luck!

I don't care if it was my mom if I cared for someone no matter what color they are I would still be with them. No one has the right to tell you who to care for.

As the others have said this is your life and when your an adult you should have the courage to stand up for what you believe in even if it's aginst your mom.
I'm wondering, you've been with this guy for three years so do you see yourself marrying him and having a family wiht him? If not then I wonder why you are investing so much of your life in a relationship that's not going anywhere, unless of course you are not interested in marriage and family, I know some young women aren't.
I had an uncle who was very racist and disowned his daughter when she married a black man, then the grandbabies started coming and he had a huge change of heart, he's still an asshole most of the time but he's cleaned up his mouth and learned that life isn't always going to go his way.

Now I read on your profile that he is abusive verbally and physically?? Even if its one time I would leave. Maybe she dislikes how he treats you? You are very pretty!! My SO does have anger issues but never ever would he hit me. He was raised with no father and his mom working many jobs to get by. I wish the best for you!

I have been with my BF for 3 years. He is black and I am white. We are expecting a baby ANY day now!

At first I was concerned to tell my parents about the pregnancy bc I feel that they are "old school" with what they think about dating, divorce, and race issues. When I did tell them, they were excited and handled the news well. Its my 4th kid and I've been divorced for 3 years. I"m not sure what really freaked them out more-the fact that I"m divorced or with a black man.

Anyway, after they meet him and spent some time with him, they realize hes a normal person that treats me well. Race has nothing to do with that.

Plus, I'm an adult that makes good choices (mostly). I think they just want whats best for me and its hard to think "outside of the box" sometimes. They are pretty old.

If they never got to know my man, it would have been harder for me but I think they realize by my attitude and the way I own my life-I make my choices. Not them.

Thanks for all your replies it helps alot to know im not being selfish. And to AnjeH..... at one point it was bad but I couldnt let go without trying to make it work. It is so much better now (no excuses for what happen in the past). Although, that just adds fuel to the fire with my mom.... the main reason she doesn't like him is because he is black. If he was white she would try to work out what happen if thats what i wanted. But since he is black she doesn't want to hear it. I am not thinking about marriage right now I am only 18. If our relationship ends because its no longer working out then so be it, but I dont want it to end because of her!

After reading a bit more in your prophile I really have some questions, like how old is your boyfriend? and how is it that you've been wiht him for three years and your mother has never met him?
Your only 18 and your going with a guy who has been abusive to you, that is not a good or smart start on life, if I were your mom I'd be mad as hell and it would have nothing to do with what color the guy is but your lack of self respect. Your mother may be a racist, but how much of her attitude are you putting on that instead of facing her real concerns over your welfare while your with someone who abuses you?

I think you'd be crazy to leave your boyfriend because of your Moms beliefs. As far as your relationship, I am a strong believer that if you can't be happy for me and treat me like your family/friend regardless of your beliefs...than I am better without you. I respect people who are upfront with their beliefs of mixing races. But if you can't respect me...than you're nothing to me.

Live for you and if you're happy with him, than that's all there is to it.

Okay GeorgiaW, I do not have lack of self respect! And that is not her main concern!! She has told me many times that I am a disgrace to our family, im white trash, no white boy is ever gonna want to date me now... All because he is BLACK!! THat is her main concern! The abusive part in the PAST just adds to it. I didnt ask for advice about what i should do about the abuse... i know already. I asked about what I should do about my mom!

I cant tell you what to do but you have to live your own life I no you love your Mom but you cant live for others . Your Mother will come around and if not you cant worry about it. Think bout it like this if you leave him and say you meet another man of a nother race and she feel the same then what !arent you suppose to be happy!!

Theres a old saying you cant please everyone

my borfriend is mexican and i'm 21 but back when i was 14,and 16 my mother and farther was against dateing outside your race i would ask my mom well what if i was to fall in love with a mexican she told me that she would have to see it writen in the sky from god that it was okay so far my mom has been cool with it my dad i'm not so sure of it okay i don't think that helped at all but what i'm saying is if you are in love with then that is all that should matter ... maybe she will came around i have always been told that children turn some people around ...
i'm not saying go out and get pregnant just to see if that would turn her around if she sees that you are happy with him then maybe she would try and get to no him ...
i hope that helps ...

Meg08, I didn't say what to do about your relationship with your boyfriend, just said a guy who will abuse you is trouble.
If your mom really has the attitude you've stated then I can't understand why you would want anything to do with her.
She's your mom, she gave birth to you, some people seem to think that can cover all kinds of abusive treatment by the parent.
It's not easy to turn your back on your birth family even when they are shit (and I'm talking about my own here) but if you want to move ahead in your life sometimes that is just what you have to do.
With my family I always asked this question, "if that person were my neighbor, co-worker or some other stranger would I want to get to know them, would I want them in my home, around my kids, sharing dinner or an evening with me?" If the answer is no or hell no then I no longer have anything to do with that family member and it has relieved a lot of needless stress.

i think the different colors of people make the world so beautiful, so who ever is racist or doesn't agree with inter racial relationships can shove that crap up their colon. the more mixed the kids are the more beautiful, that way someday we can get rid of all racism. the color of skin should never be an issue, it's the person and who they are inside that counts. if he or she is an asshole than get rid of em, but color should never have anything to do with it.