Interracial Relationships Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges presented when two people of different religious backgrounds form a relationship. Mingling different religions has both positive and potentially challenging aspects, including the religious preferences of children, religious holidays and traditions, schools and religious education and potentially different moral or ethical...
Hi everyone! I am new to this group and I am in an interracial relationships. I am 24 years old and I am African American, and my boyfriend is 34 and he's white. So we've been living together for about eight months now. We've been together for a year and a half. I despise the way he was raised because he has NO life skills at all. I swear his parents didn't teach him shit and it annoys me. He never wants to clean up because he works a lot. I try to keep things clean, but I get fed up with cleaning up behind an adult. He's never present in the moment, and I feel like he has a lot of issues. He does have anxiety, but I will ask him something and he will be yeah and then he will realize what I said, and be like no. I love him, but honestly, I am sick of being with him. He doesn't have any real goals because he tried teaching for five years and that failed. He got a masters degree in a useless field and now he sells cars. He thinks that enough for him. Me, I recently graduated with my masters and I am looking for a job, but in the meantime I am volunteering in the community, working on a certification, and being involved. I am constantly setting goals, and I just don't understand what the hell is wrong with him. He gets an attitude when I ask him to clean up behind himself to keep things in order. Sometimes I don't know why I am in this relationship. Advice?
Looking from the outside in, I have been in two relationship where the guy was raised in the old fashion way (i.e. where the wife/partner's role is barefoot and pregnant, took care of the household chores such as cooking and cleaning after them.
You have to learn to live with someone who was raised as a slob and expects you to be his mother or you need to find someone who is capable of taking care of himself.
As for his lack of drive,... there are plenty of college students who graduate with degrees and cannot find a job. It's not an easy world with plentiful jobs out there anymore. I know numerous people with doctorates and master degrees that are barely or just making ends meet. I commend you for you drive and having a job. Having a man with less of a drive to succeed than you do does (for me anyway) makes it hard to look up to them. Again, I was raised that the man provided for the woman. I don't necessarily think that but I do hope for an equal. Having to be the primary income source would make it hard for me to respect him.
Making matters worse for you is not only is he not driven, he's not pulling his own weight financially and you have become his mother picking up and cleaning after him. I know for me, after a long days work, I want to be able to relax together with my partner. God forbid if I were sick, what would happen if I didn't have a partner who could take care of us?
You are showing signs of resentment and bitterness. You either need to sit down and have him try to make the changes you need, or you need to move on to a relationship that can give you that.