Interracial Relationships Support Group

This community is dedicated to the challenges presented when two people of different religious backgrounds form a relationship. Mingling different religions has both positive and potentially challenging aspects, including the religious preferences of children, religious holidays and traditions, schools and religious education and potentially different moral or ethical...

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annmarie3 10/10/2011

I am 23, white and have been dating my black boyfriend for 2 years. My cousin is getting married at the end of this month, and, yesterday I "broke the news" that I was going to be bringing my black boyfriend. I put that in quotes because, while in any normal 2 year relationship it would be assumed he was coming, my boyfriend has never been to a family event.

He wants to be around my family SO much. We are happy and want to show this off! My dad has been HORRIBLE about this. While my dad and I have gotten into arguments, my bf and I have held a respectful distance.

Now I feel like I have waited too long. I can't live like this anymore. When my dad got the news I was bringing him as a date he LOST IT. I have never gotten yelled at like that in my entire life! I hung up on him, and have not talked to him since.

Not all their issues with him are based on race, but bad rumors have been spread based on hear-say and facebook stalking. I am not naiive enough to believe that his color is not the biggest issue.

Why can't we have a chance to show we are in love? To prove these negative assumptions wrong?

GeorgiaW 10/12/2011

Honey if the two of you being together for two years and being happy with each other has not shown your father (or any others who are negative) what your relationship is like having him show up at the wedding isn't going to change a thing.
On the other hand, IF the two of you are as committed to each other as I think you are then you need to just live your lives like any couple would. Go to the wedding together, do all the things any real couple does and people will either accept you or not but don't keep modifying your lives for them. You can never win doing that. Best of luck, hugs

deleted_user 10/16/2011

Hello there, I am new to this site, but not this situation. I am and Afro-Caribbean female married to an Irish husband. There are many times when you will need to decide what matters most to you, the opinions of others or the love and joy you have with this person who completes you. My husband and I eloped because there was so much of that negative stigma in, mostly on his side of the family. But we are so happy, and our family members just have to deal with it. If they love you they will realize that your happiness is what matters most. But trust me its a process.

Best wishes

annmarie3 10/21/2011

Yeah, well my bf doesn't even want to go anymore :( and I will not force him to do anything he is uncomfortable with. My family messed up first.

When (i mean if) we get married, we might just have to elope! I don't like big weddings anyway! TOO much drama

deleted_user 10/24/2011

Hi,I just felt like posting becauseI'm in a similar situation,I'm black and my boyfriend is white.We've been together for almost 2 years and we are still very much in love despite all the negative things people /family say about us.At some point you just do what your heart tells you.If this is the person you're sure you want to spend the rest of your life with the do it and those (negative people)around you will either have to accept it or they might lose you.Love is blind and beautiful

deleted_user 11/04/2011

Sorry that it is so rough for you right now. I can understand how important it is to have both your boy friend and family get along, but in some cases it really just doesn't happen or it may take years. I have been married for five years we now have two children, and his parents still don't accept me. Its not as bad as it was before where they didn't want me in the house, but its still there. I may always be there. This may be true for you too, but if this is who you want to be with the rest of your life, you may find that you are torn or caught in the middle of a war. I hope you both don't get discouraged and cause this to break you up... because then you would be doing what they (your family) want instead of what you want.

walkingthewhiteline 11/05/2011

I don't agree with what your father is feeling, but as a black woman-even I am saying make sure this black boyfriend is worth the trouble.

Rumors can sometimes be based on fact and you don't want to lose your family over a loser.

You can stand your ground and state whether it is this guy or someone else years from now, I will not judge someone by the color of their skin to your dad.

The reason I say this is I watched too many of my white female friends lose their families and then lose the boyfriend too.

Good luck!

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