Insomnia Support Group
Insomnia is a symptom, rather than a disease, and is characterized by inadequate quantity or quality of sleep. People with insomnia complain of difficulty falling or staying asleep, which results in significant impairment of daytime functioning. Insomnia is categorized as transient (shorter than one week), short-term (one to three weeks) or chronic (longer than three...
I have been searching the internet for information and ideas about how to battle and eventually get past this insomnia I've been struggling with for over a month now.
It started the night before I was due to started working a new job - not really a "new" job, but a transition. I had a weird breathing feeling like I couldn't breathe right, and had the thought "what if I die in my sleep?" and it set off a panic attack. I ended up taking lorazepam (an old prescription left over from an ER visit) several days in a row, and going to my PCP. In that first week, I got put back on beta blockers (metoprolol) that I was on briefly before, and sertraline (zoloft). The next week, because everything was still horrible, he prescribed Trazodone. I never took it every day, I tried to only take it when I really needed it, which was generally the day after I was up all night (which has happened several times). Since that all started, I have gone to see a naturopath, started hypnosis sessions, am seeing my therapist (I was in therapy before this started) and finally switched PCPS because my dr was frustrated with me that I thought the sertraline was making it worse, and I got the feeling he was tired of me just not getting over this with his pill solutions. The following are all things I have tried:
Acupuncture (up to 2x a week)
Trazdone, Unisom (both kinds), 5 different kinds of melatonin, several herbal things with valerian, GABA, other stuff, something called cortisol manager that my naturpath prescribed, right now drinking Kava tea
This watch we got called dream time that supposedly stimulates acupuncture points
I only drink caffeine in the morning. I exercise several times a week, and not too close to bed (I'm a runner). I also try to go to yoga when I can.
This is absolutely DESTROYING me. Even when I get sleep, it's very broken, I wake up 2-5x a night, sometimes it's a quick wake up and i go right back to sleep, sometimes I'm up for awhile. I cannot continue this way. I am getting bad brain fog, forgetting things, and feel like I'm not myself anymore. I never had this problem before. I could fall right asleep and would sleep like a rock for 7-9 hours, and always wake up to my alarm. I would even sleep through night sweats! It was crazy. Now it is the opposite.
I had a blood panel to test hormones. I also did cortisol and neurotransmitter testing. I am doing everything I can.
I know sleep restriction therapy is supposed to work, but I'm afraid to try it, afraid it will make everything worse and I won't be able to work or crash my car because I won't sleep at all.
I'm also afraid I have that sporadic fatal insomnia thing. Right now it is 1:52am. I tried going to bed early, did the watch thing, took an herbal thing, listening to hypnosis. Still awake, listened to no less than 3 relaxing videos on youtube. At some point I drifted off but woke right back up and here I am. My husband is nice enough to stay up with me because it's a weekend and he's watching a show. I was supposed to meet a friend to run in the morning but I'm going to cancel because just in case I fall asleep, I don't want to waste it :(
This is awful. It has gotten to the point where I'm borderline suicidal. I would NEVER do that, believe me, and I'm not in any danger of this, but I have thoughts that maybe it would be easier if I were gone because the suffering is just so bad. When I get a decent amount of sleep, this feeling goes away. My PCP blamed everything on anxiety, and YES, I am an anxious person, but I am NOT anxious about anything EXCEPT this. And when I sleep, I feel better! I'm trying to accept this is my existence now and I can't change it, and that it won't last forever, but I feel like I'm going to ruin my professional and personal life. UGH! I know you all can relate. Thanks for reading.
please keep yourself safe.
glad you reached out here.
Fear is an especially powerful sleep-disruptive emotion. This suggests to me it would be greatly beneficial for you to learn all you can about the reality of sleep and human performance.
Such as this inescapable fact: we cannot not sleep. No matter how bad our insomnia is, how bad our fear is, at some point the mind-body's physiologic requirement for sleep overpowers everything else literally and we sleep.
Those with untreated obstructive sleep apnea prove this. They cannot sleep for more than a few minutes at a time without awakening to catch their breath (and you thought your situation was bad!). Their sleep systems compensate by taking dozens and dozens of microsleeps throughout both day and night. Obviously a poor substitute for one unbroken period of sleep at night, but they can carry on for years this way.
Also want to point out that many sleep specialists take the position that pills that unnaturally force sleep may do more harm than good, by reinforcing the idea that the solution to insomnia is external and resides out of one's self control.
In reality, sleep is as natural (and necessary) as breathing. And so much (not all) of insomnia is self-imposed. A do-it-yourself project.
Where you can really help yourself is with the self-imposed part. I'm not sure of any underlying medical issues you may have, but your doc is. To the extent those disrupt your sleep, my suggestion is to work with your doc to treat them, and you can expect your sleep to improve. If you're not happy with your PCP, you might ask for a referral to an MD that specializes in sleep.
Your description suggests a stress-related root cause, with the new job. Quite understandable. In that case, you can work on stress management. As stress levels come down, sleep should improve.
You might also look into CBT sleep training methods for adults. This is cognitive behavioral therapy specifically designed for insomnias. CBT is the gold standard for treating insomnia, is completely drug free, and represents a potentially permanent solution for you.
The cognitive part of CBT helps you get a handle on the negative sleep thoughts, which you are expressing. They are a potent fuel that perpetuates and prolongs insomnia. Reducing them improves sleep.
CBT is what I use (still today!) and I can tell you the methods are very powerful and help most people to at least sleep better, if not normally.
I went through a few weeks of some promising nights, both with and without sleep aids (natural and prescription). The past few nights have been bad. Last night I felt sleepy, but was sort of awakened by random noise and then was wide awake. I fell asleep several hours later on the couch and then moved to bed. Tonight, I was sleepy after meditating, and then when I moved into the bed, I "woke up" and my nervous system was going again. I decided to take a sleeping pill (mirtazapine) that I've had access to for a few weeks now, and only take 1-2x a week. Then, I listened to a deepok chopra sleep meditation. It was all well and good, but here I am still awake, and to top it off, my stomach is upset and I feel nauseous. Not sure if it's what I ate for dinner, the meds, the combo, or I'm getting sick? I just told myself "that's it. I'm going to stop trying to sleep. if I can't sleep, I'm just taking off work tomorrow." I keep pressuring myself, because I have a demanding and busy job (I'm a professor) and I have to be "on" all the time, alert and patient with students and presenting all my crap. We only have about 8 weeks left of the semester and I cannot wait for the long break! I feel guilty for this but it's the only thing I can think of right to take the pressure off. :'(
I also did an at home sleep study that my PCP ordered. It did not say I have apnea, but showed several "apnea events" meaning I had those sleep apnea episodes, just not enough to be diagnosable. She said it could be mild or something else (related to upper airways) and I'm getting referred to a legit sleep center. I'm glad and grateful! But insurance makes everything take forever.
I got another sleep prescription to try (I have been trying everything!) but tonight I didn't take the new one yet, I stuck with one I knew would work. Except it's not working right now.
I know we are all in the same boat. And I know my obsession with controlling this is not helping. It's hard to let go. I am afraid I am going to lose my job, get into a car accident, or that I have something seriously wrong with my brain causing this.
(I also have pms as I'm writing this, in case I sound particularly dramatic!)
First, do not allow yourself to fall asleep on the couch. That establishes a conditioned response against your bed and for the couch for sleep. If you are awake in bed, frustrated and tense at your inability to sleep, it's OK to move to the couch to break the hold of insomnia. Just head back to bed when you begin to feel drowsy. Eventually, you will sleep ... and in your bed. Guaranteed.
Second, the evidence shows we compensate after a perceived poor night of sleep. This is true both physically and cognitively. I suspect your students would not be able to tell if you are sleep deprived or not because you will compensate. Ask them and prove this to yourself!
My suggestion would be to not reward the negativity of power of insomnia over your life by taking off work. Do not let it control you. Instead, you control it. Do this by getting exercise, every day, working your job, and doing whatever it is that defines you. Be determined to power through whatever fatigue you are feeling and be confident you will in fact compensate.
And also be confident that after a restless night -- and by filling your subsequent day as full as you can with work and exercise -- you are stacking the deck in your favor for better sleep that night. By doing so you are increasing your homeostatic sleep drive. That's how your sleep system works.
You would do well to learn about CBT sleep training methods. Ask your doc about this. And remember in reality sleep is as natural, normal, and necessary as breathing. And you don't need to take a pill to breathe.
I am new to the group but not to insomnia. I totally get where you're coming from, sometimes feeling suicidal due to not being able to sleep. I, too, have a fear of getting into a car accident or something like that due to being tired. My therapist calls it a form of performance anxiety. We are afraid of not "performing" the sleep we need to in order to feel our best. This triggers our adrenaline and voila, no sleepytime for us.
I did the sleeping pill route for the past 6.5 years. They stopped working for me this week, which is why I am here. I wanted to offer you some encouragement that you are not alone.
I think you hit the nail on the head when you talk about the obsession to control things. I am exactly the same way. We are upset that this is outside of our control. The sleeping pills are a form of control over insomnia, which I really appreciated while they worked. However, when they do not work, we are forced to re-examine ourselves.
Your fear of underperforming at your job is very understandable. The thought is, if I don't sleep or sleep enough, I won't be able to handle my responsibilities. But the truth is, you will be able to. I bet people won't even notice, if they do, they may think you are a little tired. I was worried I was not going to be able to do well in my classes today, but I did just fine. I felt a little on edge but I was alright. The temptation to cancel things because of insomnia, in my experience, makes it worse in the long run. I quit one of my jobs due to insomnia (plus it was super stressful), and it made me feel like the insomnia controlled my life, and made me depressed and more anxious in the long run, which made the insomnia worse. I will definitely catch a ride with someone if I feel like I absolutely cannot drive or if I think I'll fall asleep, but that has not happened to me yet.
I don't really have any tips or tricks that work as I am currently struggling as well. I have been avoiding caffeine (which I am notoriously bad at) today, and I plan to do some exercise in a little bit, then some meditation. But at least you're not alone in your concerns and anxiety about this.