Hello! I have been struggling with chronic insomnia since I was 16 years old. I am 22 now. At 16, I had house fire that completely demolished my house. I had been taking a nap when I was awoken by shouting and scrambling about as to what was going on. 

This, I believe and a few therapists over the years, believe why I get extreme anxiety and insomnia that is almost debilitating. Apart from the PTSD and it’s symptoms— insomnia has left me depressed and anxious. 

Now I have an amazing girlfriend, we will be together a year next month. But we have also just moved in together out of state. Of course, before moving in together with both of our names on a lease, we basically were living together. Constantly sleeping over—we had been inseparable. We had the luxury of having limited responsibilities and bills as well as a schedule that accomadated us both.

Moving in together was the obvious next step for us and we took the leap. Now we are going through the adjustment I’m sure most couples go through just trying to find time for each other while working full time jobs. She works a more typical 9-5 while I’m in the restaurant industry working from about 5 to anywhere between 10 and 2 am. Night shifts are great for me because I’m not needing to force myself to be awake (even though I’ll be exhausted but there is no falling asleep!) 

but I think we are in a bit more of a unique position than others. My chronic insomnia is currently treated by 3mg of Lunesta (on a good night) but usually 3mg+ of Lunesta with 1-2 mg of Alprazolam and a Kratom tea before bed. Usually it works, but there’s still no falling asleep until 3-4 am. The Alprazolam and Kratom usually help me be “okay” if the Lunesta isn’t working, instead of going through a crazed panic every night doing stupid things when I can’t fall asleep. 

The catch is, my girlfriend can close her eyes and be out within three minutes and wakes up refreshed and happy (oh the life!!)

But for me, with my medication and what not, by the time I fall asleep, it’s fairly possible I’m not waking up until 1:30-2:30 in the afternoon and this is very hard on our relationship. It takes away from our time together, but without that sleep, I’m not getting enough sleep either and it’s not like the next night will care how much I slept the night before. 

She can grow very upset when I wake up this late and I completely understand but also, I value my sleep so much and love being able to get as much sleep as possible when it comes to me. It’s very fleeting. 

I used to take adderall to circumvent this in the mornings. But that lead to extreme weight loss (I didn’t mind too much until it became extreme) but it was a fairly good routine. I had my “sleep” and my “awake” medications. 

Due to a lot of different medical complications I stopped the adderall. 

But it I don’t know how to explain to her (I’ve tried many times) that sleep is very important to me and if I sleep until 1pm, she needs to be okay with that until I get my sleep figured out. 

I have gone to a neurologist, had sleep studies done, was diagnosed initially with sleep apnea as they told me I had woken up 400 times during the night (though I know I didn’t sleep a wink) and really don’t trust that diagnosis and my insurance refuses right now for another sleep study. 

With the normal up and downs with relationships, this is a bit extraordinary. 

any advice from anyone who has had similar situations, please let me know and thank you so much in advance.