I'm still the same, unfortunately. At this point I don't know if I'll ever be any different. I don't know if I'll ever get back to what I call "normal". I "slept" a little yesterday morning because I dreamed. I don't know how long I "slept" for and it's better I don't know because I know it wasn't for long. I've just been up tonight and I feel absolutely fine of course. Although I do feel depressed over feeling this way and I also always feel abnormal to be like this. I was in the ER the other evening with my mom after being up the whole night the night before and I was absolutely fine then of course also. She finally got admitted and it was the middle of the night before she got a room. I stayed until she got into her room. Anyway the pain meds she was being given through IVs are really strong and made her really drowsy. ( She has severe Crohns disease). The nurse said the meds knock a lot of people out. I was wishing I could have some. I told the nurse they probably wouldn't knock me out. She also has oral pain meds at home and I bet they wouldn't even make me drowsy. I've told my mom I would trade places with her just so I could be normal and have a sleep drive just like everybody else. My mom had part of her colon removed recently so you know how bad I feel to want to trade places with her just to be "normal". Anyway I would trade places with anyone just to be able to get tired and go to sleep. I used to love to lay around and I love to sleep. I feel like that's been taken away from me. I know I don't want to live the rest of my life like this, but I'm worried I have no choice. I feel completely abnormal that I get ever get that really tired/sleepy feeling anymore. I love staying up al night, but I don't like being like this. I know there are a lot of other things going on also in my life. I have no body except my mom who is too sickly usually to even talk to me to talk to about this or even talk to in general. The only other person I have to talk to is another person who is going through the same thing as me who has been on this forum, but she is busy so we haven't been talking much lately. I don't have a social life. I'm obviously very lonely and have been for a long time. I'm discovered I'm scared to death to move out of my parent's house. I've never lived out of my parent's house and at this point I don't think I'm ever going to be able to support myself. I've had such a difficult time keeping and getting most jobs. I was a little better when I thought I was going to have a job I loved. I thought I was going to be working at the after school program run by the boys and girls club at my mom's school she taught at. They told me they hired me and had me do the usual proceedings, but then they ended up not hiring me. It really broke my heart. My not feeling tired/ sleepy did hang over me like a dark cloud even when I thought I had that job. I know I'm not cut out for the really fast paced jobs so that makes it even harder to find a job. My mom understands that fact, but I don't know if my dad does. I have a love hate relationship with the sedatives I'm on. I know they're not good to take and they're really not good for me, but I'm scared to death to go off of them. I'll just be wide awake all the time. I'm worried I'll have no choice eventually because they won't "work" anyway and I don't know what I'll do. I'm sorry to keep on rattling on. I just need to vent every now and then. I had a lot going on when I started to feel wide awake and that just made things even more stressful. I just don't understand if I am responding like this to stress/anxiety why most people don't respond this way to stress also.