Insomnia Support Group

Insomnia is a symptom, rather than a disease, and is characterized by inadequate quantity or quality of sleep. People with insomnia complain of difficulty falling or staying asleep, which results in significant impairment of daytime functioning. Insomnia is categorized as transient (shorter than one week), short-term (one to three weeks) or chronic (longer than three...

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I feel fed up and like a freak

kara2012
kara2012
I am so fed up with not being able to feel tired naturally. I seem to have lost the abilty to get tired naturally. I have to be drugged inorder to feel the least bit tired. I disagree that everybody who is lucky enough to sleep well has good sleep habits when everyone I know who sleeps well has horrible sleep habits. I really never do feel tired naturally and I am not imagining it. I never yawn. I also don't think that anything like sleep hygine,CBT or sleep restriction could help me when I'm never tired. It makes no sense to lay down when I'm never tired. I would just be waiting for the 20 minutes or so to be up so I could get back up. I have been told to not worry about this as much and perhaps then I will regain the ability to feel tired again. I do obsess about this obviously because I repeat myself. I don't know how to even begin to convince myself that I don't care that I am never tired, I don't care if I sleep or not and that I don't care if the medicine "works" or not, when I do care about all of those things. I do worry constantly that the pills will stop "working" because they can and do stop "working", unfortunately,that I will be wide awake and start seeing things. I've also been told to take a supplement that can build ATP and the ATP will then become adenosine. Does the ATP always become adenosine eventually Galvortron or can it just stay ATP? I get so angry that I never feel tired naturally and I get angry with myself especially when I should be tired, such as when I have stayed up allnight. I also feel abnormal because "normal" people, in my opinion, get tired and need to sleep. I also feel resentful towards those, such as my Mom, who complain of chronic fatigue, when I would give anything to feel tired naturally again.I know that I'm repeating myself, but I am totally fed up. I probably could stay up and never crash. I probably wouldn't have goten much sleep for over the past year had I not taken anything. I really do feel like a wide awake freak. I am worried that I will never regain the ability to get tired and I don't want to live the rest of my life like this.
Tez62
Tez62
Kara, I can hear the frustration in your words, what medical professional have you spoken to about it? Also have you seen anywhere else on the net where others have this problem? I really don't know much more that we can do apart from giving you support, keep us updated.
kara2012
kara2012
I am extremely frustrated about this whole issue. In contrast to the idea that if I stop worrying about this whole issue that I might regain the ability to get tired again, I don't think that I will stop worrying about this issue unless I am ever able to get tired again naturally. I'm so fed up with taking the Seroquel,etc, worrying that it won't "work" and even if it does "work" I am wired again as soon as it wears off. I know if it "works" I get a lot of "sleep", if sleep is what you would call it. I know I get a large quanity of "sleep", but I worry about the quality of sleep. I have only been able to find one study about Seroquel and sleep patterns. I know some drugs, such as Trazadone, improve the quality of sleep, while some, like Xanax, tend to make sleep quality worse. I do think that it is pure bull to assume that people who have insomnia have bad sleep hygiene, when I've never known anyone who is lucky enough to sleep well to have good sleep hygiene. In the contrast I have found them to have horrible sleep hygiene, but they still manage to sleep well. I really don't think that that is fair. For example, I am in Florida right now for one last time at my Grandparent's beach condo with my sister, mother, two nephews and nieces. They are all , of course, sleeping, while I am wide awake. My sister on both nights has crashed with my baby nephew in frount of the T.V. I am sure I could drive all the way here, which is approx. 1200 miles, and drive all the way back again on no sleep, while my sister got very tired from driving that far because she is "normal". I have already dirven over 200 miles on no sleep and it didn't even phase me.
Tez62
Tez62
Kara, you didn't really answer my questions above, have you seen a sleep specialist yet? If not, that has to be your first step and I think I suggested that to you last time. The meds may or may not work short term but they are not the long term solution. It sounds like a lot of this is stress related probably stress about the stress. You do need to try to relax otherwise it will keep going and you will get more and more stressed. Are you trying anything else like meditation or relaxation exercises?
kara2012
kara2012
I have not seen a sleep specialist. I have no insurance currently. I am really dreading and am anxious about early tomorrow morning because I'm worried that everybody will be sleeping again, when they all got a good night's sleep the night before and me, who was up allnight the night before, will still be wide awake, hoping and praying that the sedatives still work. I know I'll also be beating myself up for beiing so wide awake. To make matters worse, I'm worried that my sister will crash on the couch again. There are three bedrooms. My mom is in one, my nieces are in one, my nephew, sister and baby nephew are in another, but my sister has been crashing out on the couch. I'm stuck in the sunroom that has no door and which I will know she has once again crashed on the couch when they all slept well this morning and I will still be wide awake after being up allnight and hoping the stupid sedatives "work". I really don't know what to do because I'm so worried that that is how it will be. What should I do? I will really go crazy if the sedatives have stopped "working". The only way this issue will ever go away is if I regain the ability to get tired on my own again. That is the only way I will be able to drift off easily like I used to and they all still can.
kara2012
kara2012
To make matters worse there is tons of rain in the forecast. I am even more depressed about that because I probably won't even be able to sit on the balcony early tomorrow morning. My wide awake butt will be stuck inside with their sleeping butts. I can probably hear my sister snoring and the T.V. in the sunroom because there is no door and the sunroom is very near the living room. My sister was sleeping on the couch half the night this morning along with my two neices, but crashed on it with my nephew allnight the night before.
kara2012
kara2012
I just don't understand why I seem to have lost the ability to get tired on my own. I am worried obviously that I will never regain the ability to get tired naturally again. I don't know what I will do if I never regain the ability to get tired again. I will go crazy, which I already feel like I am going crazy. I feel like I would eventually attempt suicide if it stays like this because I almost feel like I rather be dead than live like this the rest of my life. The longer this lasts the more frustrated I seem to get. I really feel like there is nothing I could do to get tired. I feel that it is impossible for me to get tired and I don't feel like this is all just negative thinking. It's not fair that everybody else got a good NATURAL night's sleep when I was and still am wide awake allnight. I must be so wide awake because I probably got such good quality sleep in my Seroquel daze-NOT! I am furious about this. They'll all be sleeping probably tonight while my pale butt will probably be wide awake still and hoping and praying that the sedative takes effect. This is really a curse that just better be overcome.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Kara, I do know how you feel. I've been through the same thing. I know you may not believe it but I think it all comes down to anxiety. Your understandably worried and frustrated about not sleeping which makes it impossible to sleep which adds to your anxiety. It's a vicious cycle. I honestly believe if you can break the cycle your sleep will gradually improve and you can ween yourself off the sleep medication. It won't happen over night but it will happen. I know it feels impossible to not worry and obbsess over it, but with all things the more practice you get the better you get at it. A therapist might be helpful for this also. Here's some suggestions:

Stop worrying and negative thinking. It's ok to be concerned just not to worry. This seems like an impossible task at first but keep working at it.

Try not to focus so much on your sleep problems. Don't let if ruine your day. Again I know how hard this is but it CAN be one.

Understand that it will take time to recover, it won't happen over night. You will have bad nights but it's your reaction to those nights that are most important.

Take it one day at a time, don't try to fix everything in one night or figure everything out.

Hope that helps.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well I'm one person who had insomnia caused in part by bad sleep habits. Now I try to make good sleep habits a priority. My sleep is much better and that's part of the reason. Not the only reason, but part.

I have a question for you Kara. And this is presuming you are otherwise healthy and have no underlying medical conditions that are keeping you up.

What would happen if you did not worry and obsess about sleep for one day? Let's say one 24 hour period.

I mean what would happen if every time a negative thought cropped up, you chose to disregard it just for one day. With the understanding you could always go back to worrying and obsessing if you wanted to.

Would your sleep really get worse than it is now?

On the other hand, if your sleep either stayed the same or improved, you might then conclude all that worry and anxiety, all that negative mental energy, was unnecessary and doing you no good.

After all, what you choose to think is in fact a choice you make.
deleted_user
deleted_user
wow. I kinda wish i had that problem instead of yours. Im so tired i get sick from it. Im tired every single day. The last time i had a good nights sleep was late april. Its insane. Sedatives dont do anything other than make me feel drugged. Doctors tell me nothings wrong. Other people in my family are the same way and go their entire lives with it.
kara2012
kara2012
Thank you for responding Sleeptraining. I will try to not think about how wide awake I feel for one day, although I know it won't be at all easy. It will be extremely hard and I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it. I might try it on a day that I will be up allnight. I will be up allnight again when we drive home and of course I won't be tired the whole ride home. I think that it would have been easier to do on the way to Florida, than on the way home. I could try to concentrate on the beautiful scenery or I could try it another day when I plan to be up allnight. I don't know if not concentrating on and worrying about how wide awake I am will make me regain the ability to feel tired again. I'm worried that it won't make any difference. One member has told me that I need to build up my adenosine level again so I can feel naturally tired again. I don't see how not worrying could increase my adenosine levels. I found myself wide awake all of a sudden when I was worried about other things and then I began to worry because I was so wide awake all of the time.
Tez62
Tez62
Kara, I know you said you don't hve any insurance but you need to try to get medical help otherwise this will continue on. You also need to listen to the suggestion no matter how hard they are. You are totally stressed and Sleeptraining is trying to help. I assume you are not working and if that's right it won't help because it gives you more time to think about not sleeping and not being tired. I don't like suggesting avoidance, but if you can't afford a Dr and you don't have a job, where Sleeptraining is coming from is for you to try to stop worrying and if you can do things to take your mind off it. I do really think you need proper medical help and this is your life we are talking about and I think you already know this will only get worse. Is there anyway you can get proper medical treatment?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Kara, the bottle of ribose is really cheap. $30 maybe?

Moondust told me that she's taking 2 pills per week and she is doing great.

You really need to give it a try. You have nothing to lose.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think it's great that you'll try to disregard negative thoughts for one day Kara. Turning down the pressure on yourself even a little will help.

If you were to try CBT, when you disregard a negative sleep thought, you would also choose to replace it with a positive sleep thought that is actually more realistic and accurate. Such as "Eventually I know I get tired even if I don't feel it. At some point I sleep just like everybody else".

Replacing inaccurate, false, and distorted beliefs and attitudes about sleep is actually a key part of recovering from insomnia for most of us.

And don't worry about catching every negative thought. That's unrealistic. And worry just tends to feed it. But every time you do catch a negative sleep thought and disregard it, stop and congratulate yourself on a job well done. Each and every time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Kara, I'm still recovering and I know its going to take time before I feel like myself before this all happen. I just recently started to feel the tired ability.. I had to stay up almost 2 days to feel tired and now I'm starting to feel tired every day now. Its not a strong tired but its coming back slowly. I yawn alot now and my eyes do get heavy but its still hard to sleep and I don't sleep really great right now but its a start. Do you feel the effects of your meds and when you wake up are you wide awake from your meds or do you feel tired during the day after taking the meds?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I still get bouts of no sleep at night when everyone else is ZZZZ away - including the dog. And there are times when I can't get enough sleep to where I could sleep 24/7 and still be tired.

Do you take cat naps during the day?

You might want to start keeping a food / drink diary / medicine diary. Do you intake caffeine or sugar type drinks/foods. There might be something that has triggered this lack of sleep. Also do you have any health issues?

I know that at times once I've started that "can't sleep" 24 hr bit or just 1 hr of sleep my body adjusts to it. Also because I then either read a book, watch tv or get on the computer (when I'm tired of tossing and turning) my body will recharge itself. I've gone 14 days with no sleep at all. And during those lack of sleep mood swings as I call them not even a good chair, recliner, couch or even bed feels good.

I don't know if anyone else gets this way but there are nights the bed become too hard, etc and sends signals to the body that "I refuse to get compfy to sleep."

I have been to a sleep specialist and have sleep apnea - both "normal people kind" and "overweight." I can't take any sleep type medicine both OTC or prescribed for they make my jittery.

Hang in there.