Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

Wife cheated now what...

TeamX
TeamX

So my wife had her work Christmas party last night. Had too much to drink and then decided it was a good idea to sleep with her boss. 


She obviously couldn’t live the guilt and after a day of feeling sorry for herself told me what she had done.


I didn’t show much emotion and I told her that I still loved her and that we’ll be able to work through it. 


This is easier said than done. I fear for our marriage of six years (been with each other for 11) and our two year old son.


I think she is pretty cut up about what she has done but in the same breath she said she enjoy it. When she said that it really cut deep.


I asked if she wanted to leave me and she said she didn’t know. An interesting response followed by I love you and you are a good husband and a good father.


Anyway, she offered to leave the house but I said she didn’t have to as I don’t think that solves any issues.


Question is though where to from here? I guess some form of marriage counselling?


I’m so hurt and disappointed and fearful of what is next. She is like why are you so calm as I didn’t show much. But inside I am churning like no tomorrow. I think she expected me to hit the roof but I didn’t strangely enough.


I really feel lost and confused.

empty123
empty123
@Teamx how’s you ?
empty123
empty123
Feeling bad today just drinking to take the pain away...
betrayedtodeath
betrayedtodeath
Empty, she is blame shifting. Saying you hurt her with words which is what caused her to cheat. Really? Do you see how twisted the logic of a cheater is (there's an oxymoron if there ever was one)? Turning off cell phone location: HUGE RED FLAG! Couples counseling is going to provide her with a platform to blame you for everything unless you are lucky enough to get a great therapist who won't allow that, is familiar with adultery, cluster B personality issues, substance abuse, and the trauma caused by cheating. I think you could use some individual support right now, not couples counseling. Go easy on the drinking so you don't wind up saying or doing something that can be used against you and you will regret later.
forwardmotion
forwardmotion
Re: Teamx

At this point, as far as affairs go, you are in a better position anyone else I've seen on the forum so far.

1. She admitted to it instead of being caught
2. It was, likely, a one time occurrence and not a ongoing month/year affair.
3. She is remorseful and is being open with the disclosure.
4. She actively pursuing no contact

Counseling will be required for both of you individually and as a couple. Communicate your feelings to her in an appropriate way.

At this point forgiveness and reconciliation is on the table still, however she needs to understand that she is going to have to put in a lot of work and time to earn back your trust and affection.

Do not be too eager or complacent.

One thing is that she needs to stay away from alcohol...forever.