You are not alone. I am in the same situation. Im sorry I cant give you advice other than the comfort of knowing you are not the only one feeling this way. I too feel the same way. My situation is not the same but I understand and feel your pain. Im sorry to hear you are going through this.

get checked for STDs, Get your finances in order.

Insist on no contact with the man she's been screwing. Get full disclosure out of her. Make her change jobs.

Consult with a lawyer.

It is unlikely that you know the whole story yet.

Stiffen your backbone. Realize that the wife you think you married does not exist.

You have to figure out if this is a love affair, or just a fling. People make connections sometimes because they're missing something in their lives. Maybe this guy means nothing to her. Maybe he just made her feel sexy and it was fun. I'm not excusing the situation, but I think you should ask her if she wants to work things out with you, or if she's into this guy. If she's into him, time to start moving on. If she made a mistake and truly wants to work on the marriage I think you should give her a second chance, with the provision that she cut ALL ties with him, including work. If she breaks this commitment again, no more chances. Protect your heart. I feel your pain.

I'm sorry. This really sucks.

Know that your wife is a liar. Do not believe what she tells you. She will only admit what she has to.

You need to be very clear about what she needs to do.
First thing is to cut off all contact with this guy. Second is she needs to change jobs. Third is she needs to go to individual counseling. Save the marriage counseling for later.

You need to tell his guy's wife. He's probably preyed on more than one nurse. She probably knows already. Be sure you let your wife know you've done this.

Consulting a lawyer is always a good idea. Maybe you will want to end this marriage, maybe not.
It is your wife who has to make this up to you. She needs to be totally transparent and give you access to her phone with all the passwords. She needs to agree to let you track her. She has betrayed your trust and needs to earn it back.

In the meantime do what you need to do for yourself. Reading helped me understand what cheaters are all about. You might want to see your own therapist.

Good luck to you.

Omg! Track her emails? No! That's going to drive YOU crazy! You either forgive, get counseling and move on, or you don't. Tracking her and checking her phone for the rest if your life is no kind of way to live. Even if she has nothing to hide, everything will feel suspect. If you have to live like THAT, you might as well divorce. The trust is gone.
But if you make up and forgive, you have to let it all go. You can't continue to throw it in her face or use it against her. That again, is no kind of way to live.
And definitely see your own counselor. It will help you sort out your feelings.

So sorry you are living this. You will find only support from us here as we have all lived this gut wrenching, soul bleeding thing called infidelity. I can guarantee you she has not told you everything, brace yourself. I've been apart from my ex for a year and I'm still finding out new lies. Each one will crush you more than the last. Talk to a lawyer to at least know where you stand legally. Only you can decide if you stay or go. In my case I kicked my ex out immediately and filed for divorce. We recently tried to reconcile only for me to find put he was still seeing the OW and now I wish I would have not even bothered trying to reconcile because I'm back to square one emotionally.

A friend of mine recently said this to me and it really hit home:
"Dear spouse, I'm emotionally shallow and I concocted, orchestrated and carried out a complicated plan that was more detailed than anything I ever did FOR you, that was designed to deceive you and violate your trust. But you found out, I said I changed. Why you mad boo?" Signed Every Person Who Ever Got Caught Cheating

Use it. Share it. Own it.

The wonderful people on this forum are here for you, some have stayed with their cheaters, some have left, there is no judgment in either decision. Do what is right for YOU, not her. Hugs to you, hang in there , you will get thru this.

How are we supposed to feel after someone we trusted deceives us? Part of her sorrow was that she got caught. Its not like she came up to you and on her own decided to tell you what she had done. Remember that. Remember has hard and painful as this might be that she enjoyed what she was doing while age was doing it. Being cheated on is one of the painful experiences that can happen to us. Its down right horrible.

I'm coming from the perspective of someone who had an affair, was exposed, truly regrets it, and am still married. My advice is not to be rash. It's too soon to know how this might play out or what either of you will want in a few months. I was not clear-headed when my affair was happening or when it was discovered, and it took time and distance from the OM to make an informed decision. My husband and I didn't make real progress, including agreeing to relationship boundaries, for probably 4 months after discovery. People choose to have affairs for various reasons, and your wife probably needs to sort through that with a counselor as an early step.

I agree! Forgive me as I am a dirty cheater as well. I don't believe everyone that ends up in an affair is a malicious person that carried out this elaborate plan on purpose. I know I wasn't even looking for the other man. And looking back, all he offered is a listening ear. This is just my situation and I dunno anything about your relationship. But y'all need to talk to each other and a therapist so you can get your head together. Maybe she felt bad the whole time she did it. Maybe she is the person you married but stuff got in her way. Maybe she is a terrible person who took advantage of you. Only you can decide that.

I don't think you should make rash decisions. Let the dust settle, be certain the A is over, separate or live separately in the house, and sit down and have a talk......what is it you want and what is it she wants. And can you both agree? And she WILL have to go complete NC and that will mean her changing jobs. If she wants to save her marriage, she will stop at nothing. Sometimes being caught is just the wake up call we need.

why are betrayed spouses told not to make rash decisions when cheaters make impulsive decisions? Kind of ironic.

Move swiftly if you wish to! Don't give them time to polish their cover story.

Be prepared if you are looking for more details. Figure out first if you want to save your marriage, then ask for full disclosure. It is going to hurt a lot and is not an easy pill to swollen which is why I suggest making your decision about your future first. If you are going to try and make it work, remember that after knowing everything. If you are unsure and get all the details it may lead you to make an emotion quick decision you may regret down the road. I am sorry this happened to you. I hope in the end whatever happens you can move forward with your life!

What are all your opinions about a separation that does not have a shared goal. Just a loose time frame of when the "cheater" is ready to speak to me? I keep hearing that she needs to live her truth, learn to show up in relationships, and be authentic while sitting alone.....comments?

Believe me cheating destroys the human mind. Figure out your place in the relationship and what she truly wants, Before it destroys you. Tears,shame and repeated sins doesn't define remorse. Save your marriage if it means the world to you... But guard your sanity.

Boogaloo, yes, if you are not ready to pull the plug on the marriage, I think separation to let the situation cool down can be a good thing. I assume you mean your CS is not yet opening up about the full extent of the affair or details you need. You could tell her to contact you when she is ready for a heart to heart. It doesn't have to mean waiting forever.