Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
After my H and I had another talk about his A, so many things were going through my mind. We used to feel better after talking, but now we really don't because we are just rehashing the same things. But then again, it is what it is.
H has never blamed me for his A, although he may have been leaning in that direction when he talked about our oldest son and all of the hell he put us through. The hell that lasted for years. H would try to get tough with him and be more strict while I was no good at discipline. H said he felt "helpless".
I should have reminded him of all of his drinking years. I took alot of crap from him...not coming home from work, telling me lies, still drinking even though he knew how much I hated it.
I never turned to another man. Didn't even enter my mind. Thats how much I always loved him.
Anyway, it occured to me that maybe I should stop asking "why me" and start thinking "why not me?" This sounds strange, but it made me feel a bit better. I mean, why shouldn't I have to endure this pain? Everyone on here is doing it and I am no better than they are. What is so special about me?......nothing at all!
I am just a victim like all of us on here. This is just a part of life and no one said it would be easy. I realise this is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. For me, I can easily say it IS the worst.
I still don't know for sure how my life is going to turn out. But we are still trying to get through this.
H has never blamed me for his A, although he may have been leaning in that direction when he talked about our oldest son and all of the hell he put us through. The hell that lasted for years. H would try to get tough with him and be more strict while I was no good at discipline. H said he felt "helpless".
I should have reminded him of all of his drinking years. I took alot of crap from him...not coming home from work, telling me lies, still drinking even though he knew how much I hated it.
I never turned to another man. Didn't even enter my mind. Thats how much I always loved him.
Anyway, it occured to me that maybe I should stop asking "why me" and start thinking "why not me?" This sounds strange, but it made me feel a bit better. I mean, why shouldn't I have to endure this pain? Everyone on here is doing it and I am no better than they are. What is so special about me?......nothing at all!
I am just a victim like all of us on here. This is just a part of life and no one said it would be easy. I realise this is one of the worst things that can happen to a person. For me, I can easily say it IS the worst.
I still don't know for sure how my life is going to turn out. But we are still trying to get through this.
Your'e right, why not me? I don't remember being promised a life w/out pain. How would we know happiness without sadness?
Great topic,socrushed!
Your H has no excuse for his A. As for his drinking, that's a different issue but can lead to so many other wrongs on his part.
As for your comment " Thats how much I always loved him." My guess is that it isn't that he loved you any less, but didn't know how to cope with what was happening inside him. Still no excuse though. Sounds like he may have used drinking as a coping mechanism and now his A. He needs help with his coping skills ASAP.
But like I said, sounds like you are thinking like a SURVIVOR. So keep at it and SURVIVE!
Have to say, I do remember thinking something like this, 'why should my marriage be immune to cheating? Why should I be so special as to not go thru a divorce? This stuff does happen. We all know it happens. So, it happened to me...and I'll just have to get thru it.'
That was my train of thought.
L~
That it doesn't happen again, and if we are rebuilding that they finally got it, and are changed people with resolve to catch themselves when/if temptation arises again. Cuz sadly, there's always some kind of temptation. Sure is a sobering concept, though, huh?
@ blondegal55, you are correct about temptation!