This is a good article - I like the slant that the reasons for cheating are varied. I don't think it does justice to one factor though - the fact that it's just a rush to be with another person. It's almost like the ultimate drug and very seductive even to the strongest and most committed among us

Great article. I think it all depends on what you are & are not getting in your marriage. Everyone has different needs but I do think the adreline rush & the ego buster has alot to do w/ it too. My H told me he was infatuated w/ the attention he was getting w/ his lover. Perhaps if we all gave our mates the attention we want & need things might be different?

I think that the article hit the two reasons that my H cheated:

Another reason men cheat is because they feel a sense of challenge in their infidelity. Actually being able to get away with an affair is a challenge that men enjoy. Additionally they enjoy the challenge of finding other women with which to cheat. To them the affair is more about the conquest then anything else.

Sure they may enjoy the physicality of the affair, but the pursuit and sneaking around is what really drives men who cheat on their partners. They see fooling their partner as a tremendous accomplishment and they enjoy the logistics of orchestrating the affair without their partner learning of their transgressions. To them the thrill of sneaking around and the fear of being caught creates and adrenaline rush that is more important than the affair or even their current relationship.

He told me that he liked the excitement of the sneaking around and me never knowing about it...

Stupid reasons to break someone heart, HUH???

Men aren't the only ones who cheat. ;-)

erm..... i think they should do a article "Why do woman cheat" to, i know most people assume its the male that does the cheating, but there are man out there that stay faithful :(

All these reasons are not exclusive to being a man. Women seek these same scenarios.

The article should have been titled "Why do people cheat." The title, as it reads, makes it seem like it is a problem unique to men. That is just not the case. There are a lot of men that cheat on their wives. There are a lot of women that cheat on their husbands. The reasons are usually similar.

i agree, the article should be "why people cheat".

I have read a Great book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. In the book he dicusses an idea of a tank or bucket for love and when our love tank if overflowing we act a certain way and when our love tank is empty and we do not feel loved we act a very different way. It can easily be seen in alot of children when they act up from not feeling loved. The book dicusses ways to love someone and how we can try to make someone feel loved but not in the way that they recognize so even though we try they still do not feel loved. The reason I bring this up is because I think although one may love their spouse their spouse may not FEEL loved and thus act differently including going to someone else for the love they need no matter what form they get it from the other person whether physically, emotionally, time together, little gifts or love notes.
I hope people find this helpful or interesting enough to read the book which is so much better than my short watered down version.

Very interesting. I think my cheater is guilty of all of those..the ego, self esteem and the sneaking and lying and thinking he could get away with it. Sure, he loved the sex..but i think the sneaking was a big adrenaline rush to him. SOB

I read the book by Chapman - much more to it - I strongly recommend it!!

Our partners have to first love themselves, before they can truly love us. If they step outside the boundaries of marriage, a relationship or a committed dating........they are not worth our time or effort.

Cheating is plain and simple wrong. One wrong does not justify another wrong. It takes hard work, communication and effort every single day to keep a relationship healthy.

People that cheat are self centered and only concerned with meeting their immediate needs which is called self gratification.

Infidelity happens for many reaons, sexual needs aren't being met, emotional needs, demands that children place onto a marriage.......but none of these are JUSTIFICATION for cheating.

It takes a stronger person to sit down and talk than it does to take the cowards way out and find self fulfillment in the arms of someone else.

Just my two cents worth.

I like Dr. Gunzburg's idea that people cheat because they have a hole in their character. They can try to justify it with their "reasons" but they just lack character and it makes them think it's okay to hurt someone else for their own selfish reasons.

You know what bothers me. My husband was "unhappy" That makes me feel like it was my fault he cheated. I was unhappy too. I was not getting my needs met either. I did not cheat. If I had my actions would not be his fault no matter what "reasons" or excuses I came up with.

I read the article and still can't figure out why I cheated. None of those reasons really seem to hit home, or maybe I don't want any of them to hit home. I don't know.

I know that I DID cheat, but other than that, I really don't know exactly how it started. I know that I have always flirted, but it was never serious, and just me. I know that I have always had more female friends than male friends. I have always been very comfortable with women. I also know that I think married women, or women in relationships, are often the most beautiful women becuase they no longer know it or don't hear it enough. I know I am attracted to other women becuase of thier situation.

But I can't figure out why I cheated. I know that I never intended it to develope into a relationship. I never wanted that, but it happened. I now know that I am deeply in love with the OW - and that bothers me. It bothers me because I knwo exactly how much pain I have caused, how much disrespect I have shown, and how rotten I now know myself to be.

I know that I am torn, but that is nothing to what I have done to the W, the Children, and the OW. I have been selfish for the first time in my life, and now I don't know how to fix it, or even if I want to.

Yet, I still can't figure out WHY.

I swear, if I had given/give my H any more attention when appropriate I might scream.

I did before the affair and moreso now stroke his ego (even when I think it is comical).

I think people cheat because THEY have personal issues. Even if the relationship they are in sucks it is still about them.

-Jax