Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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/ Infidelity Support Group

Why Did She Cheat.

lostwh
lostwh
Im new to this group. I was married to my exwife for 23 years. We have been divorced since Nov. 2013. She had been cheating on me for several months before she told me she wanted a divorce. When she first told me she said she didn't want to hurt me anymore that eventually changed to she needed to find her inner happiness and finally it came around to it was all my fault.
I had my suspensions that she was cheating on me but had no proof and I think I was afraid to admit it to myself. This was not the first time, she had cheated atleast one other time several years before.I have come to terms with the fact that the marriage is over and I'm doing alright.
The problem I'm having is trying to understand why she cheated on me. Was it something I did or didn't do? I thought I was always there for her. And the thing that has me even more puzzled is the man she cheated on me with is a lazy slob, that doesn't even bath regularly. I don't mean to make it sound like I think I'm anything great, but nobody can believe she left me for him. I guess along with tearing everything else in my life up this has also hurt my self esteem.
CopingJust
CopingJust
because she could. basically. and because she wanted to.
pinkpony66
pinkpony66
Unfortunately most of us will ever truely know why. Basically her way of coping with her unhappiness with herself or the marriage was to seek validation outside. That's all on her. A character flaw. We all have them, it's just that some us don't destroy others with our flaws and some of us do. Cheating for fulfillment is one of those flaws that destroys.
Cole50
Cole50
The why usually relates to self-esteem issues in the one who cheats, in that they are not able to deal with life in constructive ways, and are easily sucked into temptation to medicate those self-esteem issues through an easy outside out let.

You may find the following two articles helpful:

The Blame Game
http://healinginfidelity.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-blame-game.html

How Could He Have Done This to Me?
http://healinginfidelity.blogspot.com/2013/08/how-could-he-have-done-this-to-me.html

Hope you can find the support you need here.
Barr62
Barr62
Some females blame the guys ...lack of attention, or some females have a bigger appetite and ALWAYS blame the other .. for why who know instead of being hupfront and honest from the get go ..who knows ... but DO NOT BLAME or hate yourself for her selfish way's
Blindsidedagain
Blindsidedagain
A man began to pay attention and flatter her.....and she liked the way that made her feel. It didn't matter that he was a dirty, smelly man.

This is sad for all parties concerned and I am very sorry it happened to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its about her, not you. Yeah, you might have contributed to some of the marital problems, but cheating is 110% on the person cheating.

He very well likely may be a lazy slob. Read this:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=326449
deleted_user
deleted_user
You may never know the answer to that question. My husband and I are back together and that was one of the first questions I asked, "why?" his answer was and continues to be I have no idea. He tries very hard everyday to make it better and we talk once a week about whats bothering us, we discuss what happened and try to repair things as we can to do it better I suppose or make all new mistakes who really knows, but I had to make peace with the idea that I will probably never know why it happened.