Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

4,945 Members

18,074 Posts

0 Online

RockNMetalChic 01/18/2008

all i want to know is why? after everything i did am i getting respect and support from the family of the man i cheated with? why don't they just tell it like it is and call me a horrible person? cause i feel like i am a horrible person... though i did learn a lesson and i will NEVER get involved with anyone who is married , engaged or in a relationship ever again! everyone is telling me its not completely my fault- so why do i feel like it is ? until lastnight i felt responsible for this man and what he did- he said he was gonna kill himself- now i'm just like ok go do it- cause he won't he's chicken- i feel bad for his wife- she left - but this isn't the first time and she'll be back......and why does she want to be with a cheater- i'm finally letting him go and moving forward and trying to do right- i'm doing a lot of soul searching lately ... but all i see when i look in the mirror is this ugly person- i totally disgust myself - and wanted everyone to know- i'm not proud in any way of what i did and i think i deserve to be bashed alittle- well ok a lot- i look at all of these post and i want to cry- i feel for all of you and i want to leave comments and offer my support- but i feel it won't be wanted- so well this is what i'm thiking about right now- beating myself up emotionally and for good reason...... so does anyone want to come shoot me in the head- please feel free to use this post to get out all ur anger and say what u will..... i think that is the only way i can help out- i'm venting and if u need to- well here is ur chance...let it out...

deleted_user 01/18/2008

They are telling you it is not all your fault because it's not. He knew he was married, too, I assume. Some people would say he is more responsible because he took the vows of marriage and broke them. I would say that you are probably both equally responsible if you knew he was married. But, if you've learned your lesson, it's in the past. Let it go and just don't repeat it. Do NOT try to fix him. It's not your responsibility in any way, shape or form. Let him go and let him face his own pain. You didn't cause it. Cheaters make these decisions and they need to live through the consequences so that they can make necessary changes.

RockNMetalChic 01/18/2008

i am a horrible person and nobody can convince me otherwise... and i Never want to go through all this again-and i won't put myself in that situation- i just feel its unfair that i am not blamed- for god's sake- please blame me! i feel so guilty ! truth be told- if i had to do this all over again- i'd just end my life... affairs are not sexy or glamorous and the pain is real....... i feel bad for everyone involved- his wife and i have made our peace over this- she wants to kill me and i think she should come and do it- i want her to beat the heck out of me and then maybe we can both get past this and they can get back together and fix their relationship....... cause i do love him- but i don't need him in my life...... i'm content on being single right now ....

deleted_user 01/18/2008

You're doing enough beating of yourself for all of us. The only people we tend to beat up are the ones that come on here and blame their spouses for their infidelity. There are some women who flit through flauntint their affairs with married men and say that they are the reason their married men are happy and that they are saving their unhappy marriages. THOSE are the people that need a good beating. You do not. You've played with the fire and you got burned. You'll have a scar to remember this by. But, it will heal and you'll be fine. You are probably the only person who will know the scar is there.

There will probably be a few people here who come to tell you what a horrible person you are. But, I think you're on the track to recovery.

RockNMetalChic 01/18/2008

well thank you- too late already been called a slut on another community- could've done that myself- do they think i am happy or that i look at myself and see a good person? cause i don't- i see what they see- i see the evil ugly demon and i have to face that down everyday... i am in emotional pain- i have to face what i did and come to terms with it- but i don't think i ever really will....

RockNMetalChic 01/18/2008

and u did bash me in the post that i responded to.... how dare i say i'm in pain...... oh i give up......... gonna go back to the community that accepts me and all my craziness...

deleted_user 01/18/2008

If you and the wife have made peace, why does she want to kill you? Learn from your bad choices, you can not change it. Never let him use you again, and never destroy another family. You can and will move on much easier than his wife ever will. She has been betrayed in the worse way. I know you hurt too, just stay away from him and his family, and give them the space they need to decide what is best for thier family. No one on this site is perfect including me, if I can forgive my H, I do not see why if you have learned from your bad choices that you should not forgive your self.

RockNMetalChic 01/18/2008

WISH IT WAS THAT EASY I CAN'T FORGIVE MYSELF- PROBABLY NEVER WILL..... AND NOW THERE MIGHT BE A INNOCENT LIFE PAYING FOR ALL THIS...

deleted_user 01/18/2008

I'm not sure what you are looking for here. It sounds like you learned. I think most of the people in this community are not angry at all cheaters and other/m/w only the ones that have been involved with in their lives. I personally am not thrilled with my husbands ow and I personally will not make peace with but I'm not going to say horrible things about her either. Yes, she knew and she is/was married herself. She has to deal with the pain of him leaving her. My husband is the one I'm more upset with because he broke commandments and vows.

deleted_user 01/18/2008

Never said it was easy!!!! Just want you to know that we all grow and learn from bad choices. Can you find out if you are having a baby, there are test that can be used and are very accurate soon after conception. If you are having a baby, remember it should be a gift, and never used as a tool to hurt or obtain.

RockNMetalChic 01/18/2008

DON'T REALLY WANT ANYTHING- JUST WAS GIVING EVERYONE A PLACE TO VENT AND LET OUT ANGER OR WHATEVER... AND I WOULD NEVER USE A BABY- A BABY IS A GIFT FROM GOD AND IF I AM THATS HOW I LOOK AT THE SITUATION....

deleted_user 01/18/2008

I did not think you would, just reminding you even if you are having a baby, it will be ok!! Be thankful you are not the wife he keeps cheating on.

RockNMetalChic 01/18/2008

BUT IS IT WRONG THAT I WANT TO HELP HER AND SAY U CAN DO BETTER TOO !?... IT WON'T BE OK- BUT I'LL MANAGE...

deleted_user 01/18/2008

It is not wrong that you want to help her, but I would not. She knows!!! It is still her choice.

RockNMetalChic 01/18/2008

WELL I AM STAYING FAR AWAY FROM THE SITUATION- I JUST WISH I COULD HELP HER- SHE IS A GREAT PERSON WHO TRULY DESERVES BETTER....

deleted_user 01/18/2008

I also cheated. I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway - you can't get much more horrible than that. I feel your pain. I used to shower several times a day and scrub myself red to try to get that dirty feeling off. Even now, I am going through another phase of looking at all the damage I did, saying "how could I do that?" I know it makes no sense when you are so full of pain, but if you have taken responsibility for what you have done and feel true remorse, the next step is to try to forgive yourself. I think that as a cheater that step is the hardest. We think we need to keep what we did in the forefront of our minds to pupnish ourselves -- or we think others expect us to.

I know this pain and the way you feel about yourself are so strong, but try to see some light in the darkness. You know it was wrong, you feel remorse, you have taken responsibility. Believe it or not, that makes you miles ahead of some of the cheaters on this board. You can move past this. Even good people make very bad choices sometimes.

Join the Conversation