Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hi guys,
I'm back again to discuss a situation that has happened to me. I'm back in the dating scene again after a few years of "healing" from a long term relationship that was filled with deceit and infidelity. Don't seem to be having too much luck meeting someone who is genuine without all the drama. I've had drama in my life and I don't really want to go back there.
Met a great guy or what seemed to be a great guy.....recently divorced with two kids, 16 and 6 who he sees every weekend. Seemed to be very attentive and went out of his way to ensure that he made me feel respected and that he was genuine about spending time with me when he could. He even said the "L" word which I said was fine but that I wasn't ready to go there but did care a lot for him and enjoyed being with him.
Get a text message from him saying that his life is messed up and that he loves me enough not to bring me into that. Needs some space to figure all of this out. He's feeling guilty about leaving his kids and trying to work through that as well.
I get it....I've been where he is. I guess what I don't understand is all the making me feel like this is going to work out for us and then "bam".....change of heart. Does he have someone else? Not sure....or is he really telling the truth about where he is in his life. I'll move past this but always helpful to get some comforting words.....
I'm back again to discuss a situation that has happened to me. I'm back in the dating scene again after a few years of "healing" from a long term relationship that was filled with deceit and infidelity. Don't seem to be having too much luck meeting someone who is genuine without all the drama. I've had drama in my life and I don't really want to go back there.
Met a great guy or what seemed to be a great guy.....recently divorced with two kids, 16 and 6 who he sees every weekend. Seemed to be very attentive and went out of his way to ensure that he made me feel respected and that he was genuine about spending time with me when he could. He even said the "L" word which I said was fine but that I wasn't ready to go there but did care a lot for him and enjoyed being with him.
Get a text message from him saying that his life is messed up and that he loves me enough not to bring me into that. Needs some space to figure all of this out. He's feeling guilty about leaving his kids and trying to work through that as well.
I get it....I've been where he is. I guess what I don't understand is all the making me feel like this is going to work out for us and then "bam".....change of heart. Does he have someone else? Not sure....or is he really telling the truth about where he is in his life. I'll move past this but always helpful to get some comforting words.....
Even though I don't know your journey, I still want to respond to you to give you a guy's perspective on your situation.
I don't know how recently divorced this guy is but he may feel he is jumping into a new relationship to soon. After saying the "L" word he may have realized he genuinely does "L" and care for you and doesn't want to hurt you more down the road. He may feel he doesn't want you to be the "rebound" woman and would rather be at a better place in his life where the two of you can have a good, healthy relationship. I don't know if he will ever express this to you as I don't know what type of guy he is but I do know I am terrible at expressing my emotions and feelings; he may be the same way. I hope this helps you.
On the one hand, it is really hard to be alone. The company of someone you enjoy helps with the loneliness and is a great feeling given how badly most of our relationships ended.
But there is also a great fear of going back into something that might generate more pain. No one wants to experience more pain. The caring people don't want to dish it out either. Those of us in his position are profoundly dazed and confused.
He might well come back to you. But I'd be willing to bet that if he could tell you honestly how he feels, it could be summed up in one word. . . "Scared." He found himself moving too far too fast.
How recently has he been divorced?
If it's been say less than a year , or even 1/2 year, that might still include alot of issues, and fallout from that divorce. I think I'd be tempted to talk with him, and ask him some questions. If you guys have been physical together, and he's saying he loves you, well then I'd think, he should be somewhat open to sharing some of the details. If he's very closed about it, well, I guess then you'll be kept in the dark, and then it's your call.
But it does seem to be a shame, that he started so quickly in a new relationship, before really getting adjusted to the change of being a single Dad. And of course, there's gonna be a lot of stuff like child support payments, childhood custody/visitations, her changing her days, etc.
Alot will be dependent on how they separated, and handled the divorce. The uglier it is, the harder I would think to recuperate from it, and not getting hit by the cross fire. For example, when she pisses him off, its' hard for him to have a nice relaxing and engaging weekend with you, cuz his mind is apt to be elsewhere.
It's a tough situation for newly divorced people, until that all becomes a bit of routine.
Here's what I am throwing in on this one. Recently really hit my own wall and told my BF the same thing. 'Really need to step back from us and get this all fixed.' You know what he said?
'I'll have none of that.'
I can sure understand where your man is coming from, in not wanting to put you thru an whole world of shit, but I know it meant alot to me when my Man said, 'no matter wht you go thru, I go thru it with you.'
Just my thoughts for you, L~
That reminds me. I tried to breakup w/ my H when we were just dating for a coupla months and things were getting serious. I had an out of control teen on my hands. He said almost the same thing to me"No way are you getting rid of me that easy. I am here no matter what' I fell completely in love w/ him after that. Before... I was on the fence and trying to keep him at arms length.