Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I has been 3 years since I found out about my H's cheating,proof and all, yes we have worked throug the issues and its not been easy, I didnt say "I forgive you " and *poof* it all goes away , it doesent but it does get better.
The things that I wasn't readily to meet head on was the actions and pain of friends during the healing process, people can say and do some really horrible painful things... I had one friend tell me "Oh you have a get out of jail free c ard too?" ... And I wish I had a dime for every time I heard that...yeah like that is going to help!!! It never occured to me in all these years to go out and seek revenge by sleeping with someone else.
And when you find out the very person you were confiding in the whole time was doing this to another woman,yah I found my Best frienf of 20 + years who I was talking to , crying too.. falling apart on, was doing this to another woman, and she took it out on me I could not understand where all her hostility was coming from, "I was like wow is your husband doing this to ?"She was taking her frustrations about the wife out on me ... Or course then I found out ... and BAM! she was like a different person... now still is ,,, an this all happened for her in the last year, ... Its like I dont even know her anymore... Blows my mind how easiliy they twisted thier actions to suit them ... I've taken alot of shrapnel thats what I call it , because I've had dealings with the devstated spouse who I know ... Man talk being thrown for a loop. and having to relive the pain and memories over and over ..... :(
The things that I wasn't readily to meet head on was the actions and pain of friends during the healing process, people can say and do some really horrible painful things... I had one friend tell me "Oh you have a get out of jail free c ard too?" ... And I wish I had a dime for every time I heard that...yeah like that is going to help!!! It never occured to me in all these years to go out and seek revenge by sleeping with someone else.
And when you find out the very person you were confiding in the whole time was doing this to another woman,yah I found my Best frienf of 20 + years who I was talking to , crying too.. falling apart on, was doing this to another woman, and she took it out on me I could not understand where all her hostility was coming from, "I was like wow is your husband doing this to ?"She was taking her frustrations about the wife out on me ... Or course then I found out ... and BAM! she was like a different person... now still is ,,, an this all happened for her in the last year, ... Its like I dont even know her anymore... Blows my mind how easiliy they twisted thier actions to suit them ... I've taken alot of shrapnel thats what I call it , because I've had dealings with the devstated spouse who I know ... Man talk being thrown for a loop. and having to relive the pain and memories over and over ..... :(
I am out 2 years from my Dday. It does get easier, what drives me crazy is that just out of the blue some memory will pop in my head about the affair! And I eaither block it out or get mad all over again....
What the hell, right?
L~
Its really hard on me for many reasons what I went thru with my H and I could totally relate to the wife/BS ..our stories were very similar.And the more I confided in my friend about what was going in my life ,how I was dealing with the affair the more hostile she got' :Maybe he just doesen't love you any more " I dont understand why you just don't throw him out" I thought it was due to the talks we had in past and our feelings on cheating she was so adamant that cheating was never the answer... I thought she was just mad that I wanted to save my marriage
She was mad because he/OM didnt dump his wife fast enough and wasn't mean to her..still has contact with her, well he has a son with her ..
KARMA ... things didnt turn out quite how they hoped they would he' s broke and will be for years to come , he/OM has his son on the opposite weekend my friend has her kids ,she wanted kid free weekends. ,the boy doesen't like her at all... and fights with her her and her two boys.. they are all in counseling to learn how to get along ,
Just as you were identifying with the BS in your friends situation, she was actually identifying with the OW in yours. After going through what I have, I dont think I could be friends with an OW that broke up a family and had no remorse for what she was doing. I just dont. I mean if he didnt love his wife anymore and he loved her (your friend) then the way it should have been done is they back off, have no relationship at all. Have him move out and file for divorce. End the marriage before he began the next relationship.
I have no doubt their relationship will be very difficult. In fact statistically speaking, very few of those actually make it. It is hard as hell (I am speaking from personal experience) to make a marriage work when you have a blended family. But to do it under the circumstances they are is even worse. Especially if the son is aware that they were cheating on his mom. The son will resent his dad and he will absolutely resent her. Who could blame him!
One of the reasons the relationships usually fail is because the affair is all based on the fantasy. They have a partial relationship where the CS is getting 80% of his needs met by his wife and only 20% from the OW. So when he leaves the wife and the OW now is the one he is looking to meet that 80%, she may fall short and the fit just isnt there.
Do you know if the MM's divorce is final yet? Because actually quite often, the MM ends up leaving the OW and going back to the BS.
Why is he broke and for years to come? Did the wife take him to the cleaners? I hope she did! Quite often the OW sees the life the MM has with his wife. Sees the success they share and she wants this for herself. The thing is if they were married a long time... The BS will walk away with half of the assets and on top of that take a chunk out of his income for spousal and child support. So the OW ends up getting a life with the MM that is NOTHING as she expected it to be. Yet another reason the relationship doesnt work out often. They have an idea in their heads of what they are getting in the MM and it turns out to not be anything as they thought. It is all well and good to fantasize about the MM and the life they would share but the fantasy certainly loses its punch when it is the OW that now has to wash his underwear, clean the hair off the sink after he shaves, cook his meals and do all those things the wife did for him all those years. Not NEARLY as sexy as they thought it would be! Also them never having a weekend to themselves is a nice piece of poetic justice!
Yep..that is one lousy friend. I wouldnt trust her around my h for sure!
I also agree with you about the OW wanting what the CS has, that was in my case, my H and the OW were co workers in a small factory, her H was a double amputee and on SSI(He was drunk and flipped a Quad runner a few years ago) she was also alot older than we were by at least 7 years, thought to look at her she looks like shes about 15 years older .. NASTY.... shop rat... thats what her nick name was there..
Yep,,, shes the OW... can't move past it... 'We've been friends a long time and I alwayas thought our friendship could survive anything.. I can't move past it and how she treated the W/BS, how mean and nasty she was driving the woman to near nervous breakdown... making fun of her laughing at her ,both of them, I was present on one occasion when the XW called ,crying and begging her husband to come home , and how they laughed at her and told her she was a joke and she needed to get a life .Yeah.. I told them what I thought of the both of them and walked out and havent seen them since... nor do I want to.