Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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where was my self respect?

socrushed
socrushed
I'm glad x-mas is over! Some of you know my H A was this time of year. It has been a rough few days, smiling and acting happy though! Today had another talk with H. I was thinking about how everything went down. When he came to me and said he was in love with someone else and was going to leave me, why didn't I tell him to just get the hell out then? He never did leave, and continued the A until he could make up his mind? Whatever. Why didn't I insist he stop seeing her right then or get out? I was shocked and scared and everything else that most of us felt. And none of my family is here, and I would never leave my kids. Although they both told me if I went back to Pa. they would come too. My Mom has had financial problems since my dad died, so to show up on her doorstep with no money and two grown kids {ages 2o and 16} would have have been difficult for her to say the least. I know eventually I would have money from selling the house and so on. So was it my love for him that I just let things play out as they would hoping that he would stay with me,or did I feel I had no alternative? I was thinking if my situation were different would I still be with him? You might guess from all of this that today is an angry day!! And him saying that he loved her, I told him you didn;t love her, you wanted sex plain and simple. I told him you can tell yourself that all you want but it doesn't change that fact. After all, if he loved her, why isn't he with her now? You don't love someone for a few weeks or months then just stop!! Does this ever REALLY end?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't think it ever really ends but after 10 months I am having more good days than bad. I don't know your situation, did you both commit to making your marriage work or are you still trying to decide? I think that makes a difference in how quickly and easily the healing takes place.
lisalisa72
lisalisa72
I think ours has ended (fingers crossed). It's been 7 months since I discovered H's EA that was headed toward PA and we've both worked HARD on this reconciliation. H's attitude and behavior has done a 180 from where we were this time last year and he's making a huge effort to be involved with our family.

I've read a lot, cried a lot, written numerous journal pages, had many long conversations with H, and have finally gotten it out of my system. I don't have any anger about this anymore, which surprises me. I fully expected to be stuck in this state for at least a year or so.

There's an end to all of this craziness and a light at the end of the tunnel - hope you find your soon.
socrushed
socrushed
Yes we are both commited to making this marriage work. My H is where he wants to be and does love me. I know all of this but still have these nagging questions and the hurt is still so strong. I guess that is what I meant by will this ever end? To not feel so betrayed and yes so shocked. Sometimes I still can"t believe he actually did this! Maybe I can just chock this up to a bad day. But this is the third in a row. It scares me I guess when I look at him and don't like who I see. Even though I have been in love with him since I was 18 years old. This whole situation just sucks!
lisalisa72
lisalisa72
Have you read "NOT Just Friends" yet? I give that book credit for helping me get through the stage you are in now and to see the situation from a less personal perspective.

You'll get through this, but i agree -- it sucks!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I do hope you find the answers you seek. The questions you ask are questions that only you can answer. We all make decisions based on our individual circumstances (at a particular point in time).

Is individual/couples counseling an option for you? Is that a process you would benefit from?

And yes, it does end. One way or another, at some point, it does end. Limbo is not an option forever!!

Sending strength and support....
CopingJust
CopingJust
Anger is a good stage for you I think. Questioning your self worth is also good - I hope you're on the path to seeing your self worth and demanding appropriate behaviours from him. You're on the path to detachment. Which is a really, really good place to be - so go with the anger as it will lead you there.