Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Oh my gosh. I am still reeling with sickness.
This, after a few hours ago when my ten year old daughter tells me that earlier today, she was looking through my H's truck searching for her homework assigment. It was there that she found some pictures. The pictures were of, you guessed it, my H and the OW. Although the pictures were not graphic, she said that they showed, "daddy and this big-boobed woman holding hands and cuddling with each other."
What kind of message does that send to a ten year old girl? That it's okay for a man to cheat on his wife?!!! That's it's okay for people to cheat period? That the man who helped create her, who is supposed to be the male role model in her life, thinks it's okay to cheat?
She cried when she told me about it today. She said it hurt her to see daddy with someone other than mommy. In fact, my autistic seven year old son, who doesn't speak much and who I've been so worried that he's not communicating his true feelings over all of this, overheard my daughter and I and finally said that this is bothering him and making him really sad. The whole afternoon was pretty soul-crushing.
Then when I saw my H this evening, I went outside and confronted him about it. At first, I asked him to go in and talk to our daughter and explain what she'd seen and that it was wrong. Instead, he went in there and lit into her about why she was 'snooping around' in his truck. That was totally wrong and counter-productive. And desctructive.
So for the past few hours, my H and I have been outside, arguing about it. He basically brushed it off, saying that it was life and that she was going to learn how to deal with things she didn't like.
Although he's gone now, I am still boiling over with anger at him. I am totally against violence, but I admit that there was a moment tonight where I just wanted to punch his nose with such force that it would make his brain bleed.
It's just sick. I can't believe what my daughter has seen, and his 'she'd better get used to it' attitude. Maybe this is mostly just venting, but have any of you ever dealt with a similar situation?
Deep breath...breathe...relax
This, after a few hours ago when my ten year old daughter tells me that earlier today, she was looking through my H's truck searching for her homework assigment. It was there that she found some pictures. The pictures were of, you guessed it, my H and the OW. Although the pictures were not graphic, she said that they showed, "daddy and this big-boobed woman holding hands and cuddling with each other."
What kind of message does that send to a ten year old girl? That it's okay for a man to cheat on his wife?!!! That's it's okay for people to cheat period? That the man who helped create her, who is supposed to be the male role model in her life, thinks it's okay to cheat?
She cried when she told me about it today. She said it hurt her to see daddy with someone other than mommy. In fact, my autistic seven year old son, who doesn't speak much and who I've been so worried that he's not communicating his true feelings over all of this, overheard my daughter and I and finally said that this is bothering him and making him really sad. The whole afternoon was pretty soul-crushing.
Then when I saw my H this evening, I went outside and confronted him about it. At first, I asked him to go in and talk to our daughter and explain what she'd seen and that it was wrong. Instead, he went in there and lit into her about why she was 'snooping around' in his truck. That was totally wrong and counter-productive. And desctructive.
So for the past few hours, my H and I have been outside, arguing about it. He basically brushed it off, saying that it was life and that she was going to learn how to deal with things she didn't like.
Although he's gone now, I am still boiling over with anger at him. I am totally against violence, but I admit that there was a moment tonight where I just wanted to punch his nose with such force that it would make his brain bleed.
It's just sick. I can't believe what my daughter has seen, and his 'she'd better get used to it' attitude. Maybe this is mostly just venting, but have any of you ever dealt with a similar situation?
Deep breath...breathe...relax
We have, so far, kept our children very sheltered from his A. I can only imagine what you are feeling right now.
Are your children in therapy at all? Or have they spoken with the school counselor?
So for your H to say that this is something that your daughter needs to get used to is pure BS. She is a little kid for God sake. She doesn't need to be exposed to this at her age. She will learn about the dirty, ugly, harsh realities of life soon enough. Let her have her innocence and her childhood for now. He needs to stop being so damn selfish and think of the kids. If he can't do that then he needs to be removed from interactions with them until he can. He shouldn't be leaving his stupid pictures laying around where the kids might see them. This guy needs to get a clue.
I've read, that when young kids are exposed to the realities of affairs, the imagery (e.g. pictures) it's literally the same effect as incest.
sounds like your H has no dignity or respect for your family. Very sad, sorry this is happening to you guys.
They are in counseling, and I am grateful for that.
Hurt37
I feel really bad for your daughter right now.
Don't expect it to come from him. He's a irresponsible ass who doesn't care about anyone or anything other than his own selfish needs and desires. He evidentially doesn't care about your daughter and I'm sure he was more than embarrassed that she found those things. Hell, he's not telling you the truth...why would you expect him to tell her the truth. He knows that he was wrong but his asshole pride won't admit it to anyone much less his daughter.
So...you've got to be their shelter. You've got to step in and keep this from going any farther as much as you can. Re-assure them all that he loves them. Do not make this about them or how much he's hurt you. They don't need to see you upset, crying or anything as far as he's concerned. Kids at this age especially think that they're to blame when things go wrong in the family.
LOVE ON THEM...Don't over indulge, but just over love! Focus yourself on them...not him. He doesn't deserve the time of day at this moment much less tears.
((HUGS)) I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
sorry for letting me vent... I would never act on these fantasies..but I have smiled and chuckled a few times with my ORIGINAL thoughts.....so sorry for your pain....
PROTECT your kids and love them. Let them know that they are not at fault and neither are YOU!!!!
You tell that asshole that if he cannot control himself, be an adult and not traumatize his kids, then he is not allowed near them.
It is ok for you to let them know that daddy loves them but make sure that they know without a doubt that they are not to blame. That they had nothing to do with it. I know it will be hard. BTDT with my kids re: the OW as she was my best friend and next door neighbor. Our kids loved her but I'll be damned if I let her near them anymore or let them have any contact with her. I had to be the bad guy and remove all signs of her from their lives. I have had that kind of conversation with my kids....it is not fun at all. The first thing my daughter asked was "what did I do mommy?" I told her that the OW had done something really bad and unforgivable and that we are no longer her friends. I did not give them details. I did not have to but you on the other hand may have to approach it differently.
I am so sorry that they and you are going through this. It is horrible that their lives will forever be tainted by the selfishness of our cheaters.
It sucks when you find that you have to protect your kids and shelter them from one of the people who should have their best interests at heart. Instead, he seems way too self involved to even be fairly called a 'father.'
Man, he sounds like my EX.
'That's life and you will have to learn to deal with it?' He should have owned up to it with her and had a heart to heart. Your daughter will never see him the same again. Sorry to say, but she won't.
(My kids? I had a talk with my 20 year old son the other day and he said the hardest thing for him to realize is that is dad is such a low life. In fact, on his phone, his dad's number is under 'loser.' My girls accept this and have realized there is nothing that they can do for thier dad anymore.)
Your H sounds like a damned narcissist. Unable to see the pain he is inflicting on his kids.
If you are staying for their sake? You may want to reconsider your position.
Sending support, L~
Because I wonder if he was saying these things to your daughter and intending them for you.
Holy Crap. Food for thought too.
L~
It just goes to show just how low your H will stoop to blame a child for his actions and I can understand you feeling angry, any Mother would.
I'm sure with your love, support, comfort and understanding you can console your Daughter and hopefully there won't be too much damage. Bless her heart.
Your H doersn't deserve you and your beautiful children.
But he deserves the whore that he is with.
My Brother when he was 12 found love letters to my Father who was about 40 something, his girlfriend was still in school at 15. My Mother didn't disclose who found those letters. My H was a serial cheater and I now beleive that he was a sex addict. He gave my Mother a dogs life and he was so cruel. He finally left for another one of his whores and do you know what, she did my Mother a favour. He treated her like dirt too but she deserved it.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
God bless
Affable