The decision to work out of town and so much was a discussion that we had. We as a couple decided at that time it was best. Working all the time is one thing I hate and always try to make the best of. and as far as living outside my means that is far from the truth up until the time I left I had been off for 4 months. And when she came home from work the house was clean dishes done laundry put away and supper on the table. Kids picked up and homework done. I made sure that if i was off I would take any stress I could off of the family. And no I haven't made up my mind I want nothing more than to be happy with her. Every night I made time for my kids and wife I still have the notes she wrote telling me how hard it had to be to work so much and still have the family time. There doesn't have to be an underlying issue. Thier is not typical cheater or victim everyone's story is different except for one thing cheaters are selfish people and what they have done is the most selfish act you can do to someone you love and treats them well. That being said I can see certain times a person cheats and say well I seen that coming but even then there are no excuses and it isn't never the victims fault period. You have the obligation to go to your spouse first and if nothing changes then divorce them.

I do appreciate everyone's thoughts. And even that from the other side of things. I have done everything I can to put myself in her shoes and I just can't. I'm optismist and pray that maybe we will be stronger and even better than I thought we were.

One more thought. Saritamontel sounds like you have alot of resentment built up. I hold my wife's hand everywhere we go. Not a day goes by a don't give some complanment or sit and listen about her day. I truly believe she made a really bad decision based on the feeling this guy gave her. Who doesn't like the way compliments feel. But she took it to far the minute she gave him her number for something other than work. If I was some overbearing ass than went bar hoping and out late I then could at least see why. I always put her first even when we had our second child and she had post pardum I took over and helped with it all unti she was better. Never once complaing or feeling as if I done some worldly feat. Did what any good spouse is supposed to do. That's what love and sacrificing is all about not doing things to be regonizied but I don't like them to be taken for granted either.

^^ ‘Bye Felicia! (Not you Brady)

My man they ALWAYS say it was just kiss in , always....this was a full blown sexual affair and she needs to confess all the truth....adults don't risk being physically together just to kiss....you have to assume they went all the way, oral, intercourse, no protection, the worse....believe me my wife played the same card and countless others are told the same thing only to find out months or years later and get hurt all over again....don't buy a word she says and expect things to be a lot worse than I can imagine, unfortunately this is almost always the case

Saritamontel I honestly don't know what you are even talking about. Are you referencing your own history or that of Brady1979?

He already said this started 7 years ago, during the worst year of his life. He said "Then the work i do get at home is 72 days straight of 12 hour days doing the tornado clean up in joplin. Listening and seeing all that horror. " Instead of trying to be supportive of him, she chose to focus on her own needs.

That alone is all I need to know to suspect she is not quite capable of empathizing with her husband's needs. The fact that when it came to light, she called to 'warn' him is telling. That would be the final loyalty test in my book. One that she failed. I agree with other people who say this is indicative of a long term, possibly off again/on again affair. It is not reasonable for to have been face-to-face and lonely and feeling neglected and limiting herself to a few kisses. That story simply does not ring true to me.

I'd really think about the situation, pull some call logs and not take a proven liar at face value. Sorry, but liars minimize and sugarcoat things. They lie to themselves first and that makes it easy to lie to others.

Definitely gut , your body can sense things your mind cannot . you are not zrazy to feel that way

Give her an ultimatum perhaps who she wants to be with

Agree on what many said. Cheaters lie alot and only admit to what u find out. My ex also tried on me on her birthday. I think its on purpose and its outright manipulative. If u carry on having emotional ties with her, u will go crazy. Cos this is what i was. Its very toxic and u can lose everything.

Saritamontel, your perspective is very poor.

Here you have a guy who is betrayed by his wife and further lied to afterwards. She breaks his heart and betrays her husband and family.

You are worried about how her needs are being met? The crime was committed against him.

First it isn't an issue of needs being met or not. Even if it was, it is the wife's perspective of her needs being met that is the issue.

In any case someone who is spending most of her energy and mind taking care of her own needs I doubt she has much left for her family.

Affairs happen due to character and moral weakness, as well as a poor ability to love. Affairs are not circumstantial even though you would like to shift the blame onto a situation rather than yourself.

A murderer or rapist does not commit the crime due to opportunity or need. Certainly opportunity and circumstance can make it easier, but to say that everyone with opportunity would do this is taking choice, free will, and moral integrity out of the picture.

Those who can not fully take account for their own moral decisions and actions do not grow or learn from their poor decisions and are doomed to repeat them. This is why you continue to habitually cheat.

wow SAritamontel you are a nasty needy self centered shitbird

Brady, how giving is she as a parent
does she or her kids come first?
did dhe want you to work less but not at the loss of $$$?

Gosh I feel the need to apologize for the dumbass comments saritamontel made. Clearly a cheater and clearly has absolutely no clue what she is talking about and zero empathy.
Please never let anyone tell u this was at all ur fault! This is her fault. Of course where a marriage is in trouble 2 people are at fault and both have to fix things. But SHE choose to cheat instead of talking about it.

I will honestly say the she in has stayed the same as far as the kids not usually ever putting her needs first that I know of. As far as money it hasn't to my knowledge ever been a big issue nor has she ever talked about my work that year was a very usual year for work. Work Usually was 40 hours with occasionally some overtime. She had finally admitted to the rest of the story. Of course more than kissing but no sex but there was the good old video phone sex she did. That's the thing heartache5 I was unaware of any marrige problems. I'm not perfect and maybe something was wrong but it was never mentioned to me her best friends her sis, mom,. She has said besides maybe a little lonely she just liked how it made her feel. There is also a time I hurt her feelings that year when I was working at home at the tornado job she was really upset that she got a alking to at work fr chasng an bad check. No write up just made her mad. And I said with all this stuff going on around us with all the death and destruction it sure makes our simple problems seem selfish.

well you have a good perspective, she violates your marriage vows and it is not the same as death and destruction, you work a lot and have a check bounce and she sees that as justification to betray

if she wants to work on the relationship and accept that the infidelity choice is 100% hers, you can work on the relationship issues in which you have a % of responsibility

I think you are trying to keep finding out what was wrong with you that wasn't enough for her. That's totally normal feeling but there is no answer to that there was likely truly nothing wrong with you. It's very normal u need to find that answer but you won't get that answer she likely doesn't even know herself why she did this beside just the attention it gave her. It's destructive but sometimes it can end up good over time. Depends how hard she is working how renorsefull she is and if she's in therapy and reading reading reading about why people cheat and how a couple can survive this. If she's not all in than it's not gonna work.
You should start focussing on urself and stop asking the question what "was wrong with me" cause you won't get an answer and there is no answer even if you were not giving her enough attention it should never be an excuse to cheat instead of talking about it. So you won't find a satisfying answer ever to that question. I find couples counseling online and in real very helpful to get good conversations between my CS and me it helps us to listen to each other and talk about our issues and unhappiness. If you want to try fixing things and like I said she's all in may be look at the site www.affairrecovery.com it is helping us a lot. Good luck