Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Trying still to get my husband to move out after his long term infidelity.
We are no longer intimate and havent been since I found out that he met her again 11 months ago. To say I have had the hardest time since is an understatement, he will not leave the house!!..I have been to solicitors and he gets letters from them and he shreds them.
He today has worked out this plan for us..
That he stays until the youngest of our children are better able to cope with the trauma, she is 14 yrs.
That he will not stop me dating/seeing other people.
He says he wants to stay just to help me out .
He says he will never try and have sex with me again (has tried several times)
He says that financially we will be screwed if we separate, as he will have to rent somewhere and it is very expensive.
We will also be screwed as a divorce will run into thousands.
He says the children will be more secure , emotionally and financially.
My response has always been that he should go, I am not happy, I have started dating someone and he knows (well sort of) I have told him to let me be free to move on with my life.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel at my wits end with all of this, he just won't listen to my point of view at all.
Also my new friend is keen for me to get rid of him, things are getting more serious with us, problem is that he is a friend of my Husbands (not a close friend). I have the chance to be happy again but he is making sure that won't happen.
Advice gratefully received as always x
We are no longer intimate and havent been since I found out that he met her again 11 months ago. To say I have had the hardest time since is an understatement, he will not leave the house!!..I have been to solicitors and he gets letters from them and he shreds them.
He today has worked out this plan for us..
That he stays until the youngest of our children are better able to cope with the trauma, she is 14 yrs.
That he will not stop me dating/seeing other people.
He says he wants to stay just to help me out .
He says he will never try and have sex with me again (has tried several times)
He says that financially we will be screwed if we separate, as he will have to rent somewhere and it is very expensive.
We will also be screwed as a divorce will run into thousands.
He says the children will be more secure , emotionally and financially.
My response has always been that he should go, I am not happy, I have started dating someone and he knows (well sort of) I have told him to let me be free to move on with my life.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel at my wits end with all of this, he just won't listen to my point of view at all.
Also my new friend is keen for me to get rid of him, things are getting more serious with us, problem is that he is a friend of my Husbands (not a close friend). I have the chance to be happy again but he is making sure that won't happen.
Advice gratefully received as always x
It's a terrible thing when marriages don't work out... I'm so sorry you're having problems with your husband. It must be extremely hard for you. But keeping the truth from your kids will cause them more damage in this situation than being honest with them.
As for the divorce, if you go the mediation route, it's vastly less expensive. You may have to sell your home and downsize, but it is better than living the way you are living.
As for your relationship, I'm glad you're happy, but in my opinion, I don't think it's very healthy to jump into another relationship so fast. You need to get your life and head settled before you can have a long lasting, meaningful relationship. Anyway, all the best.
It's just dang miserable, from what they describe.
I do think it's particularly difficult to start "anew" with anyone, but a friend of his? Well is he aware of this relationship? This might be a bit tricky!
I agree with the consensus, kids today are quite bright, and pick up on many things, especialy if she is 14!
Dr. Phil always said, "I'ts better to come from a broken home than to live in one". Appears to make sense to me. Good luck, and sendingya support! This must be very difficult on you, especialy whenyou are trying tomove on inyour life.
Money of course, is a huge consideration, but if at all possible, if you know deep down, it'snot gonna work, I would think separating ties would be the way to go. He seems to have a h uge hold on you, and those control issues don't seem to make it any easier.
Have you guys considered counselling to help yout wo decide the pros and cons of separating formally, and how to do that most amicably? Just a thought!
It's a tricky one for sure. I still struggle with all the things he did to me, and we have had counselling too!!
He is just not wanting to let me go....but he must, its not being fair to me at all. I have moved on from his infidelity, actually it's not the one time either. I have even forgiven him, but will never forget.
I don't understand that now he wants me when he was fully prepared to have his cake and eat it, doesn't seem fair in any which way.
Anyway have gotten him to agree to move out in the next month which is a major breakthrough.
Why is it all so difficult?? he was the one that caused all of our problems, I even tried to make a go of our marriage..but he met her again and I was done..he just doesn't get it huh!!
Infidelity sucks in every which way x
he is being selfish, and just continuing the disrespect that he started with the A. that being said, it doesn't get you what you need. If he has convinced himself of these lies, start with smaller truths. get him to take baby steps. they might have to be wobbly, but those steps might help him out the door.
If that doesn't work, it may have to be you leaving the home. do you have a place to stay? could you afford a place of your own?
I have been advised by solicitor that I am entitled to stay in the marital home until my daughter has left f/t education, also that the judges would not look to kindly at me for leaving the marital home?? believe me I have almost gone....out of sheer frustration and anger.
Then I think no why the hell should I be the one to leave my home after all he destroyed our marriage, HE should man up and go. He just can't seem to own up and be responsible for his actions.
I never saw such an extensive list of lame-ass excuses in my life. He really wants to have his cake and eat it too. He's figured he's found a way to play you to get what he wants.
Push for the divorce. The courts will set him straight.
-TheRule
Just hoping that's an option for you. I'm sure you've thought of everything but maybe there's some way to push it further.
-TheRule
Please dont stay for the kids.
here is simply no point in letting him stay. I would say, please gather your strength and throw him out of that house as soon as you can. and now that you have a partner who is supportive, it is a big thing you should consider.
I agree that rushing into another relationship is probably foolhardy...but in all fairness I have not rushed it at all. This guy is a long term acquaintance and is single. He got to know about my problems with H and waited until I announced that we were officially no longer together, I have always got on extremely well with him and he is just the tonic I need. I was becoming depressed and had high blood pressure and this man has lifted me no end. He loves me and I him. We are soulmates and I am the happiest I have been being since my husbands Infidelity
I have moved on with my life, I did the 180 and it worked like a dream for me...made me realise I no longer want to live with a cheat and liar and that I no longer love my husband, this was before getting involved with anyone else.
I am sad because I did love him so much..we have 3 fantastic children, a beautiful home, a very good life in every which way...so why???
I deserve to be happy and content again for the last part of my life, if it doesn't work out with us ...then so be it.
I don't think anyone can judge, just because they feel one way does not mean it is necessarily the right way.
I am off the meds, blood pressure stable now and doing just great. My kids love to see me happy again.
You know, I know I saw this late and all, (darned work schedule) but it seems his list of 'wanna do's' keeps him in your life and keeps you at some 'stand still' with him in it and you trying to deal with him in it. It doesn't allow you to do what you need to do for yourself.
I do understand the financial considerations and all. There for you, L~