Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Here's where I'm at...still trying to figure out what is best for me. And why I don't feel better than I do.
H confessed his A I did not catch him.
He was the one that broke it off with her. she wanted to marry him.
He has taken full responsibility for what he did.
He tells me he loves me all of the time and holds my hand
He went to MC because I wanted to...only a few times as I did not like her
He answered all of my questions
He tries very hard to make me happy
I do not worry about him doing it again. I really feel that he will not. So trust isn't an issue for me. I have other issues now because of his A but who doesn't? I still wonder when I see a woman fitting the OW description if it's her. Will this ever go away? I may feel worse if I would finally see her, but the situation I have now isn't a good one either.
I guess the only negative thing I can say about H is that he never will bring the subject of his A up even when he knows whats bothering me. He has in the past a few times but that was a long time ago. I guess I still have things going around in my mind and I think we should talk about them. But I feel why should I have to be the one to bring it?
My point is..what more can he do that he isn't already doing? (aside from talking more) I just don't know what I need to make things better. We sit together h oldling hands but I still feel a distance between us. I don't know if he does or not. I know I still love him, although probably not like before his A.
Any suggestions would be very welcome! Thanks
H confessed his A I did not catch him.
He was the one that broke it off with her. she wanted to marry him.
He has taken full responsibility for what he did.
He tells me he loves me all of the time and holds my hand
He went to MC because I wanted to...only a few times as I did not like her
He answered all of my questions
He tries very hard to make me happy
I do not worry about him doing it again. I really feel that he will not. So trust isn't an issue for me. I have other issues now because of his A but who doesn't? I still wonder when I see a woman fitting the OW description if it's her. Will this ever go away? I may feel worse if I would finally see her, but the situation I have now isn't a good one either.
I guess the only negative thing I can say about H is that he never will bring the subject of his A up even when he knows whats bothering me. He has in the past a few times but that was a long time ago. I guess I still have things going around in my mind and I think we should talk about them. But I feel why should I have to be the one to bring it?
My point is..what more can he do that he isn't already doing? (aside from talking more) I just don't know what I need to make things better. We sit together h oldling hands but I still feel a distance between us. I don't know if he does or not. I know I still love him, although probably not like before his A.
Any suggestions would be very welcome! Thanks
We returned to counseling at close to 2 years post dday. We were falling back into some old habits and had some residual issues to work thru. Still do. We go every other week and she is great.
If you didn't like first counselor try a new one. I wasn't thrilled with th first one we had either. We went for 6 months and I was in the midst of hysterical bonding through most of that. She never identified it as hysterical bonding even though I questioned how lovey and sexual I was given how severely fucked up our situation was (3 year A with oc)
I also think you need to tell your H what you said here about talking about it more. His tendency will be to not want to talk about it. Afterall why would he want to be reminded of how much he hurt you? I know it doesn't seem fair that you have to tell him what you need but he's also a man. Taking the affair out of the equation ask yourself how many things your H is intuitive about? My guess would be almost nothing. Most of them aren't built that way.
Lets face facts, if they don't know that it irritates us when they don't pick their dirty clothes off the floor they probably won't figure this out! I say you should tell him what you think you need to feel better about the two of you.
Then I guess the only thing that's left is to ask yourself if you can adapt to the " new normal" of your marriage. That it won't likely ever go back to what it was before. If you don't think you can accept that and you've done everything you can to try to make it work then you have difficult decisions ahead. A lot of times this is a deal breaker and there IA no shame on that. Its the xonsequence of the.CS actionswith when they step outside of the marriage to get fulfillment.
Sending support
And the remorse he feels...... That's his thinking anyways.
I have asked myself if these are the things that you bring up in MC. I'm at a better place now as far as wanting to talk about feelings and not about what went on between them really. The first MC wouldn't let me ask anything about that, she said it wouldn't help. I was not ready to hear that at the time.
I sometimes want to know what H really thinks of OW now. I don't know why I want to know. Maybe because in my mind I think he still thinks of her as an innocent little thing that he needed to rescue. Why that goes through my mind God only knows. But is this the kind of thing you talk about in MC?
I know he regrets what he did. He has cried alot over it and his tears were very real. I hated seeing him like that and my responce was to comfort him. I know even with love sometimes things still don't work out and it is so scary:( We have been together for 29 years.
Cheaters said it best..."can you accept the new normal" I found that the more I looked backwards the harder it was for me to go forward. Subconciously (sp) I wanted back what I had pre-affair, but the reality was I would never have that again.
In my case, the new normal is far better than the normal that existed pre-A. We both have changed for ourselves with the added bonus of a better relationship
Make a decision first and then conduct your life accordingly.
It's not comfortable at all,right? It sucks and you don't know what to do with all these feelings. Just remember,it won't change anything if you fight and argue. Take a stand and let him know that if there is a second time,there is no more chances.
I don't really know what else to say, but I do understand your frustration.