I don't know if you are wanting a man's opinion of how it makes him feel to cheat, or a woman's opinion of how it feels to be cheated on. I with to God it had been a one night thing with my husband. I think it would be so much easier to deal with.

I also wish it had only been one night. Even tho the sex was only once, the foreplay happened about 7 or 8 times, and they left work together about 15 times. I would rather he would have went out and screwed someone on a whim. Even tho a ho is a ho no matter how many times she gets used.

I have to agree with wishing it was only a one time fling. Although it hurts just as much when there are many mutilple flings which seems to add up to a continual affair. I can see where his fathers continual affair would have messed him up. My husbands affairs have messed me up something terrible and I see in my son that he's affected by it so badly that it scares me.

Ah...me too!! Iw ished they had been a fling, a one night stand. Sure he claims they ment nothing but hey you don't FUCK nothing a bunch of times :-(

A one night stand is a mistake continuing it is a choice. I would have been upset but could have accepted it a a mistake that we could overcome. There would have been no lies no sneaking around ect. Just come home and told me and i feel that would have enforced our relationship if he could have told me

I am, apparently, in the minority on this one. A one-night stand would have been just as horrible to me. Like I've said before, we were both virgins when we married. She is the only person I've ever had sex with. It would have been horrible for the one-time thing. BUT, I also agree that the more times are heaped on the cheating, the harder it is.

I also don't think your friend has the right to keep his infidelity to himself. She has a right to know what he did. What about STDs? He put her life in danger. He should tell his wife and let her decide if she wants to stay with him. He's taking away her rights by keeping such a horrible thing to himself. I know that's not everyone's opinion. But, I think if a cheater gets away with it, they think they are free to do it again if the opportunity presents itself. I think there has to be consequences. And, if this friend hates himself, he needs to get this off of his chest by being honest with his wife. Yes, it will hurt her. It will hurt her a lot. But, I think honesty about something as crucial as this is vital.

Oops..Believe me a one night stand isn't any better. I guess I could find excuses easier for something like he was drunk, or something. If it had only been a one night stand I would rather of been dealing with that instead of Oh it was only for 3o days, or I only slept with her 6 times. My husband thought his affairs out, knew what he was doing and just knew I would never find out !! I wish he had not gone back to them again & again. I wish it had just been done fast and I can't remember her name. But by no means is a one night stand any less hurtful or devasting! Std's are something to think about if it was a one night stand or over & over. I guess at least if something did show up it would be easier to find the person. Since the affair was over & over. one night stands might be harder to locate.

I agree with oopsshe.....Both are soo wrong. But my husbands relationship was emotional too. For me marriage is so much more than the physical part. Not only did he share his body with her but all his thoughts and dreams. I think I was more hurt about that than the sex itself. It hurts to no end that he wished to not share those things with me any more. We are trying now, but I felt like I've have lost 2 years of marriage.

I think in this case, the real key is "and to this day hates himself.... but has LEARNED from his error and stupid drunking judgement" that would be much better to me. I agree with Noreen - once is a mistake - continuing is a choice. Some cheaters make a career out of one night stands and that would not be better...

I'm in the minority group. It is MY opinion::: Pain is pain. cheat once or continously. it's all the same. Some of us {ladies/guys} try to rationalize and minimize the cheater's actions, Because it's really too painful to face facts...or seeing the cheating for what it is...disloyality and deceitfulness. If we stop accepting infidelity the first time, (this statement is meant for me too)Maybe just maybe, The cheaters will eventually start thinking twice about cheating. Yes I agree we make mistakes. But stop allowing cheaters to make mistakes at your expense & not to mention the expense of the children. Will you Love this cheater over yourself? your children? Infidelity just devastates too many people!! where are our Virtues?? I hope I didn't ramble on!!

I wish to God too that it had been one night..instead of a 9 month relationship..where he spent countless hours at her house..eating dinner with her..talking..laughing, drinking,sharing his life, sharing his thoughts, his smies and worse of all...his body.

infidelity is infidelity.
an ongoing affair can be seen as something with an emotional tie that had to build up-and the hurt partner my feel as if, at least te cheater contemplated and debated the affair and eventually got into it-small comfort
the one night thing, to me, says-I dont'g give a crap about my marital vows, and all I want is a piece of ass"
Both are devestating and both are reprehensible. I cant see anyone finding any compfort if the spouse says "he/she didnt mean anything to me"
Well, it sure as hell meant something to the spouse you cheated on.

Well I just found out that my husband has been having an affair for the past 7 years with the same woman. He now wants to move me and our children out (we relocated to the states 4 years ago) back to Canada so that his lover can move in with him and bring her daughter. By the time I found out about it there was no negotion, no talking about it, certainly no forgiveness just yet anyway, and certainly a lot of bitterness, hatred and devastation on my part. yes a one night stand would be bad but I would not be dealing with him in love with another woman and her daughter more than in love with me and our son and daughter.

I think if someone messes up once ...particularly in a long term relationship it's wrong of course, but much much easier to overcome than a long term affair. That's a whole different ball game.

One time fling......When he learn from his lesson.