Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
This is sort of a series of interesting observations...
ANGER is a prevalent feeling in situations of infidelity. It's no wonder, since anger tends to be a secondary emotion triggered by jealousy, desperation, fear, etc. How that anger is directed, and to whom, gets really interesting to me.
Some folks come on here raging at the other person/affair partner - that seems to be a common thread and one I can definitely relate to. What's interesting is that when someone jumps in with "the AP is a big ole poo head!" someone inevitably jumps in and says something to the effect of, "Oh no s/he isn't!! S/he didn't make a promise to you!! It's your spouse that's the doody head!!"
Wait. What?
As far as I know, it generally takes (at least?) two to tango. It takes two people to make a marriage. It takes two people for an affair. Why is the wayward spouse held more accountable than the affair partner? Isn't wrong, wrong? Aren't they BOTH responsible?
Another interesting observation: the wayward spouse is often angry and resentful towards the betrayed spouse. For... getting caught? OK, I get the whole, "S/he wasn't a good spouse," cos a lot of times, that may be the case. I imagine it's much like the case of blaming the other person, though... it's easier to blame someone else than take ownership of one's own part of the situation, and it's easier to blame a stranger than someone we love.
What's really fascinating to watch (from a distance, anyway... get too close and it just hurts) is when we turn on each other. We're hurting. We're desperate for solutions and answers. We have all come here for support, right? Yet we're all unique and our situations are all very different in a lot of ways. A situation ripe for conflict and anger that lashes out in unexpected and nonproductive ways. Definitely guilty of that on more than one occasion, myself. (Weirdly, in my case, toward other betrayed spouses...?)
Anyway... I guess maybe next time we catch ourselves seeing red, we might want to put the anger in check and see if there's a solution or if it's something we should just step away from instead of engaging in ugly ways.
ANGER is a prevalent feeling in situations of infidelity. It's no wonder, since anger tends to be a secondary emotion triggered by jealousy, desperation, fear, etc. How that anger is directed, and to whom, gets really interesting to me.
Some folks come on here raging at the other person/affair partner - that seems to be a common thread and one I can definitely relate to. What's interesting is that when someone jumps in with "the AP is a big ole poo head!" someone inevitably jumps in and says something to the effect of, "Oh no s/he isn't!! S/he didn't make a promise to you!! It's your spouse that's the doody head!!"
Wait. What?
As far as I know, it generally takes (at least?) two to tango. It takes two people to make a marriage. It takes two people for an affair. Why is the wayward spouse held more accountable than the affair partner? Isn't wrong, wrong? Aren't they BOTH responsible?
Another interesting observation: the wayward spouse is often angry and resentful towards the betrayed spouse. For... getting caught? OK, I get the whole, "S/he wasn't a good spouse," cos a lot of times, that may be the case. I imagine it's much like the case of blaming the other person, though... it's easier to blame someone else than take ownership of one's own part of the situation, and it's easier to blame a stranger than someone we love.
What's really fascinating to watch (from a distance, anyway... get too close and it just hurts) is when we turn on each other. We're hurting. We're desperate for solutions and answers. We have all come here for support, right? Yet we're all unique and our situations are all very different in a lot of ways. A situation ripe for conflict and anger that lashes out in unexpected and nonproductive ways. Definitely guilty of that on more than one occasion, myself. (Weirdly, in my case, toward other betrayed spouses...?)
Anyway... I guess maybe next time we catch ourselves seeing red, we might want to put the anger in check and see if there's a solution or if it's something we should just step away from instead of engaging in ugly ways.
Yeah, we get it---our husbands made the choice to cheat--boy, do we get that, but save your nasty comments for the people who are actually involved in the affair, you know, the married man and his OW. Good grief, the BSs are not to blame for the MM "stalking" you.
Now come back and give me a dose of more vitriol and bitterness. You are now on ignore.
call her knew he was married and knew I just had a baby.That to me and to any normal sane person is disgusting and pathetic..yes I do blame the ow for her part in this because she went after him knowing he was MARRIED
They are both equally to blame. The OP in my case knew my H was married and knew i was pregnant. How can she not be responsible for her actions. My H is trying to rebuild & is trying to make up for it. He is paying consequences for his actions. T
Some think the OP is to blame of they continue contact after dday. To me it doesn't matter. I haven't had any contact from the OW. I have sent her one FB message in the early stages then 6 mo out i sent her a 6 page letter. No response from her. Some may think this is a good thing but i really wish she could have the balls to apologize to me. It wont change a lot for me but i still want to hear it.
In the end each party is responsible for their own actions, so yes they both are equally at fault.
And yes, the focus needs to stay on supporting one another, we are all on the same side, right?
Yes the OP knew. She was/is an actual prostitute. Breaking up homes and using men is what she does.
I see people posting about spouses who have affair after affair, emotional, sexual, numerous "indiscretions" . And then they take them back. And they blame the Op, to an extent somewhat correct, assuming the OP knows. My point is, they often do not know.
But it is sad to watch the pass given to the married cheaters who cheat constantly, to see them come back time after time.
I see now that believing in your cheating spouse is a special kind of fog.
Sorry to intrude.