Sadly, if divorce is not final, you are married, so you decide....I understand, having been in your shoes at one point in my life, I did not know then what I do now....I wish I had, my life would be so different, yes I live with many regrets because of decisions I have made and those decisions/choices made by others in my life....we all make choices based on what makes us "feel" better, and sadly we make bad choices based on what we think will make us "feel" better....good luck...if I were you, I would end any new male relationships until the one you are in is final, and then allow time to heal, to find out what to do with your baggage, fix it first, we all have baggage including the new guy who is trying to be your knight in shiny armour, so he can have sex with you, until his or your and his baggage start to clash....be careful what we don't know CAN hurt us for a long time

I am a former cheating spouse so my opinion may not mean much but I don't think you're cheating. I agree that it might be wise to take some time before getting involved but you's know vertebrata I would on that point. I certainly wouldn't let guilt keep you from happiness or comfort.You're doing nothing wrong.

It's all relative. If you feel wrong in your gut then it's wrong, you know? My personal opinion, you're fine. Are you supposed to put your life on hold until he decides he's ready to finalize it all? But what do I know. (((Hugs))) follow your heart and instincts.
But I agree, you should make sure you give yourself time to find inner peace and heal.

No. You are in the right.

Your STBX sounds like a confused mess.

Toxic at best - if you found someone else that makes you happy - that is a good thing - will he like that you are happy? hell no - will he try and bring you down to his level - heck yea.

Will he stop trying to mess with you? probably, he will give up at some point and then hopefully he will focus on himself and fixing himself.

That is what he really needs to do (fix himself). All you can do is disengage with him and try to be nice to him cause he is most likely in his own hell.

You were in a difficult marriage and you left. How long after you left did you start a new relationship? Did you hold any hope for any type of reconciliation? (I hope not since your H sounds like he lives in a confused and abusive world)

In my opinion, for personal sake, starting a new relaaitonship while still healing from another is a bad idea. It's like putting a band aid over an infection. Just because you don't see it doesn't mean it's not there. You have deep,wounds that need healing and while this new guy may have helped you and been supportive, I'm guessing there is a lot of stuff you have burried beneath the surface for survival sake.

I hope you are in counseling and really working on healing the wounds your H caused. Also any wounds that allowed you to be with somebody like him. Sometimes it's better to learn to stand on your own two feet before you bring somebody else into your life.

if you are split up and pending divorce there is no cheating, are you struggling with the fact that you are happy, you lived a life of confusion and betrayal, and being happy takes time to get used to. trust me its been 8 months and i am finally happy. after the downward spiral of events that my STBX took me on i never thought i would be happy, and well i am happy alone and for now thats how i choose to be, well at least i am mostly happy

I don't think it's doing something wrong per se. I think that rebounding into a relationship before you find out what went wrong....with yourself...inside the previous one can end in disaster. Seeking counseling for the affects of his cheating would be a good idea.

Are you more worried about guilt or that you have to live with the fact that your husband has cheated on you over and over again? Is that the way you want to live? Do you want to be on here in the future when you have the triggers we are all experiencing? Do you want to wake up one day and find that he has been on Craigslist again or some other site that promotes that type of sexuality?

Would you rather not be happy? I ask myself that every day and because there are kids involved and quite honestly I cannot afford another house payment, If is was not for the kids, I would have left Aug 2007. I would have walked out of her life and started living the way I should, with a woman that loves me and is glad to have a man that would do anything for her.

You're worried about cheating when you're separated, and he didn't worry about cheating when you were together? REALLY??? Legally, you're married. Emotionally, you're not. YOU have to decide if this is right I guess my question is: Why are you worried about being perceived as a cheater at this stage of the game? Be happy you survived to make an exit with your soul intact. It's hard to do when you discover earth-shattering info about your spouse.

I don't think it's cheating. If this is coming from your STBX, if these are his accusations that you are cheating on him, well damn, I would ask him to bounce it around with his peeps on his craigslist account for their opinion...

...then I would snort laugh and hang up the phone.

L~

Getting nailed it.

You're not cheating if you have filed for divorce. Don't feel guilty about feeling good.