Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Trying hard to heal, my boyfriend is doing everything right to help with this, but my situation is much more painful for me than it should have been because of the cruelty and vengeance of the jilted Other Woman. She, over 2 months after my boyfriend ended their "affair" of only 2 weeks (she knew he had a girlfriend all along, but she chose to try to steal him anyway), out of anger, obtained my e-mail address through a Google search, and sent me all the e-mails that had been exchanged between the two of them during the time they were together. They only saw each other a few times over less than 3 weeks, but there were a lot of e-mails, and the sex talk and other flirtatious talk in these e-mails has taken a toll on me, especially due to some of the timelines of the e-mails. Their "affair" ended before sexual intercourse took place, though she had begun behavior that very well could have led to that. The "affair" started because my boyfriend and I were having some difficulties in our relationship, and he (erroneously) thought he could have a new friend of the opposite to talk to about our problems, so he shared intimate details of our relationship with her and she, knowing he was weak and needy, capitalized on what he told her and used that information, along with physical aggressiveness to entice him to leave me, and at a time when I was out of town a lot. Fortunately, my boyfriend came to his senses quickly, once he started seeing red flags with her and realized that she was playing the "sex card" to try to accelerate that relationship, in order to convince him to leave me. He told me that he had been so drawn in by her that he did not even give any thought to what he was doing being cheating. As soon as he came to his senses, he cut all contact with her, apologized to her and to me for his behavior, and has been striving to be completely transparent with me and to help me heal. We ended up having to get the police involved, as she sent a harassing/threatening e-mail to him directed at me. As a result of my boyfriend coming down on her really hard for threatening me, she has ceased contact with us for the past month or so, and indicated that we would never hear from her again. But the e-mails are still very hurtful. I know he loves me (we are planning to marry), I know he did not love her, that it was a flame addiction, fueled by dopamine, etc. He acknowledges that not only did he not love her, but he did not even know her really in that short time. Does anyone have any advice as to how I can get past all this?
It has only been ten months since your BF treated you like garbage. Go into this mess with eyes wide open, and be careful when he is feeling "bored" again.
It's the whole fool me once shame on you...fool me twice.....yeah. "
As soon as he came to his senses, he confessed what he had done when I would have not had a clue. I immediately gave him an ultimatum to either cut all contact with her (no exceptions) or lose me. He made his choice and has been totally transparent ever since. He answered all questions truthfully (I know because the OW showed her true colors 2 months post DDay by trying to destroy our relationship by sending me all the e-mails between the two of them and also e-mailed me on her own, telling me what all went on (which matched his story). I do not think she would have held anything back, because she wanted me to leave him. This man has listened to everything I have had to say, my anger, disappointment, hurt etc. (over and over and over again), and is totally remorseful and sympathetic, never getting angry or frustrated and openly discussing the whole thing as much as needed to promote healing. He answers all questions (over and over when I cannot grasp something and there was a lot of that at the beginning). 10 months is nearly a year, and I do believe that we have made progress, a lot of progress. Of course, my boyfriend and I still discuss the affair occasionally but it is in a different light than even 6 months ago. The OW has taken to stalking us a bit, but we ignore her.
We have discussed our exes (his ex-wife still contacts him and I have a couple of ex-bf's that contact me occasionally also), and how to handle any communication with them. The rule is that we share everything with each other regarding these people. We also avoid being alone with people of the opposite sex. Removing temptation is part of our plan, for both of us.
My boyfriend was previously in a relationship/married for many years; he was a doctor who spent months away from home working at various hospitals across the country during his marriage. He had several opportunities to cheat at that time, as lots of women go after young doctors, but he did not cheat. He did say he was tempted, but he remained faithful. It is not like he has a history of cheating. We have God in our relationship. I believe him when he says he will never cheat again. I do plan to have my eyes open, as I do in other areas of my life. Thanks for your concern. I was just trying to add a little happiness to this site. Maybe that was not a good idea.
You are blessed, you two have God in your relationship, and I hope the very best for you and your soon to be husband.
Everything sounds perfect.
Take care!
I just felt that you did not read my original post before commenting because what you wrote seemed to fit someone whose partner was being uncooperative post-affair and not being transparent in the healing process, as sadly many are on this site. Maybe I am looking at things somewhat through rose-colored glasses, but I believe that the situation between my boyfriend and I surrounding the cheating differs greatly from these.
Perfect? Not. Nothing is perfect--especially my boyfriend and I. I realize that we are all works in progress. All of us.
Thanks for your kind words and your blessings.