Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Hi. Thank you for reading.
This is probably not the run of the mill infidelity story that gets posted here but here goes nothing.
I am a 30 yr old male. I am a lawyer and I work in a fairly established family owned law Firm. I have been with the Firm since I was 15 years old. I was groomed to take over the helms of the Firm and I have done well. A year ago I was made partner. Things were going great, law is my passion, money was good. I got married about 5 months ago (baby on the way), made good investments in real estate, bought a great car etc.
Then my world as I knew it was crushed.
I caught my father (who is also the managing partner in the Firm) having an affair with one of MY assistants. This was the same employee (read: bitch) he had told me to let go just a few months ago. I decided against it, I believed in her. And now I have been betrayed by that very person (read: bitch worm vermin).
I was devastated. I held him in the absolute highest regards. He was my idol and I was his protege. I confronted him and immediately fired the said employee (read: bitch). I thought things would be fine but the affair carried on. One unfortunate Saturday afternoon I followed him and caught them as they were leaving a hotel. We had just concluded a huge deal the day before, after 4 months of hard work. We (family) were waiting for him at home to celebrate that as well as my mom's 60th birthday. With all this weighing on me, I lost control of myself. I did not hit him but I was close to it. I did hit (assaulted) her - not proud but no regrets. I broke the windows of his mercedes.
I am not the kind of person who can turn a blind eye to such immorality especially not from my dad after all he has preached. It was not how I was brought up. We are fairly religious and this selfish act of his has eroded my religious believes.
I cant tell my wife. We are expecting a baby. The stress is unnecessary. Apart from that I cant take the embarrassment. I know my wife will be able to accept it but as much as I detest him, I do not want her to hate him. For similar reasons I am not able to discuss this with my mother or my other siblings.
At present I seem to be in 'self destruct" mode. I have not been to the Firm for over 3 weeks, which is the longest I have stayed away. It is driving me crazy to be out of touch with law. I have not been answered any calls from clients and associates. I have many overheads. I am using up my savings with little money coming in. Every time I try to move on, i.e to establish a new firm or I would breakdown. I cant bring myself to draft my resume. I have put in too much energy, time and money in the Firm. I had big ambitions and expectations. I cry alone - not a pretty sight (big men crying never is). My family and other partners are getting fed-up of me slacking. My silence is only meant to protect them. From the disappointment that is consuming me.
I dont know why am I here, I do not know what to expect.
I am sorry if my reactions did not conform to your expectations or ideals. You are right there is more to what I have said - I have worked day and night through public holidays from the age of 17 to deserve the partnership. Now I have to take a pay cut, start from a scratch to prove myself again in a different company all while we are expecting a baby, mind you. I also just cannot find it in me to tolerate the immorality on the part of my father and the betrayal by my staff. Maybe you'd like me to elaborate on this too?
As my wife is expecting a baby and I think she has enough on her plate for now. I was disgusted at how you twisted it and equated me to my father.
I thought I had said too much in my initial post but I guess it wasnt enough for some.
I was in shock after reading your reply and even wondered for a moment if my father somehow found out of my post in this forum and cared to reply. Lol.
Many people, like me, turn to sites like this to seek support. I dont think anyone would care for your unhealthy views and speculations.
You should not be in here.
No thanks.
It seems you've had an open wound since you were 17, and I can see now where the vitriol originates. Regarding your wife, she does need to know, it's her right to be informed as an equal. You're making up excuses for her like she's having a baby and has enough on her plate. This is what you think is best and therefore you're going to do what you think is right. What about what she thinks? Does she have a right or any say? Is she not an equal partner in your marriage and entitled to know? Keeping things, important things like this, from people we love and supposedly care about, is controlling, selfish and disrespectful.
You say it's because you're protecting her, but I beg to differ. You're hiding your true vitriol from her and protecting yourself from your wife's judgement, because if she knew the details, she may also disagree with you. So you withhold the pertinent information, how lawyer-like, and forge forward with what you want to do. Can you see any similarities now? You discover your father's affair, you fire the said employee, who happens to be your assistant, and when you discover they're still at it, you break his car windows and you physically assault her. Are these the actions an honourable man?
Equating one's personality traits to that of their parent's, is very common; we're all partially like our parents in many ways. It's a fact, it's not meant to hurt you. The fact that it disgusts you, prompting you to leave a seething response, is telltale though.
Many people come here looking for validation, more so than they do advice. They want members to read their story, show sympathy, and validate their actions. Perspectives that don't match up to what they want to hear, can cause grief, and lead them to respond in the way you have. Your posts tend to be looking for validation; you don't ask what should you do, because you've already gone and done it. You're looking for validation and a collective agreement that you did the right thing.
Life doesn't work like that. You've told a somewhat skewed story, and if you'd like to wield some form of authority on how one should respond to it, do so with a level of authenticity.
Wishing you well.
I don't.
Have fun feeling important with your negative opinions and speculations.
No thanks.
"Life doesn't work like that. You've told a somewhat skewed story, and if you'd like to wield some form of authority on how one should respond to it, do so with a level of authenticity."
You are very astute! This attorney quits his job and forfeits his big paycheck right before his wife gives birth. He takes a job not as a lawyer. I don't know what "mnc" is, but he is no longer working as a lawyer apparently. And his wife just accepts this? No questions?
His story is very skewed.
Secrets this big do have a way of not staying secret.
We can make a plan for our lives and be in control or we can let life control us and then we just manage the consequences. It's a choice. We should be allowed to make our own choices.
The cheater's wife made her choice. Respect it.
The poor mother-to-be though! And the partners and family that this guy thinks he is protecting with his silence. Let these people know the truth. Stop making decisions for them. You become part of the secret and will have to shoulder some of the blame.
I am surprised that you so easily stated that you're okay with assaulting a woman. Unless she physically attacked you first, this is just wrong, and it may come back to haunt you legally. You brought up religion. Read Genesis 38. Judah slept with a 'prostitute' (his daughter-in-law, Tamar) but then wanted Tamar stoned to death when he found out she had prostituted herself and became pregnant. You should place the blame where it belongs. Your father cheated on your mother. With who isn't as important as what happened, is it.? He made the decision to cheat. She's not innocent but, the other woman didn't force him. I agree that this may not be his first time or, your mother already knew and chooses to stay with him for whatever reason(s). You are only human and you have every right to be upset but you don't get to control what other people do, even if they're doing wrong. I have problems accepting this myself sometimes. It just makes things tougher on me.
I agree also that your wife should know why you've quit your job. Keeping secrets from a spouse is not what marriage is about. She's your mate so why wouldn't you want her input and support on such an important decision like the one you made? Keeping her in the dark or being dishonest is stressful on a pregnancy. Surely she's asked what happened to cause you to quit? Would you want her to keep something like this from you? The not knowing would stress me out. Being pregnant isn't a deadly disease. We women can handle quiet a lot while in that condition. For you not to turn to her in your hour of need is telling. That isn't a judgment against you, just a fact. The 'I am an island' approach is a very lonely one and making rash decisions while you're angry is never a good idea.
I hope you don't get offended because I'm not accusing you in any way. We all handle life in our own way. It's a lot easier for us to see the bigger picture (in the general sense) with what little you've shared because we have no personal interest in any of it. Sort of like you with a court case. I know there's much more to it than what's written here but we can only comment on what we read, and then infer. Lenoire is tough sometimes. I don't always agree with her but I respect her and she makes some very valid points if you humbly and open-mindedly think about them. I truly hope you and your father work things out. You have too much invested in him and the firm to walk away, and I would think you would want your child to have his grandfather in his life? Best of luck to you and your wife on your new family.
Thank you for your post LillyGabriel. I appreciate your tone; unlike the other two before yours - who suddenly became experts on my life after reading a few paragraphs of what I wrote.
This is your original reason for not telling her:
"I cant tell my wife. We are expecting a baby. The stress is unnecessary. Apart from that I cant take the embarrassment. I know my wife will be able to accept it but as much as I detest him, I do not want her to hate him. For similar reasons I am not able to discuss this with my mother or my other siblings."
I could on with the holes in your story, from the derogatory word used to describe the AP three times, in the original post, to the fact that you assaulted her, thought nothing of it, and bragged to us about it; and you're a lawyer who supposed to know better. And in the same breath you spin a tale of woe and personal tragedies to garner sympathy to excuse away your madness. You're a young person. You may have spent a lot of time building your career, but you have neglected to learn about life and how to conduct oneself in a respectful manner towards others, your wife included. My comments as well as all of the other posters' comments to you are a gift; what you decide to do with them is completely up to you.
Wishing you well.
You have fallen even lower by quoting me out of context. Please read my post dated 8/12/17 and be aware that my wife's condition was post my initial entry.
How much lower are you prepared to go to feed your false presumptions? I repeat, you are a poisonous person and that is probably what got you here. Now, you have too much time to spare so you come back here to read and reread posts and then make up imagined flaws to feed your need to feel important.
Time for you to start acting like an adult, Lenoire.
Just so you're aware, your insulting words don't meet the guidelines for posting on Daily Strength.
Wishing you well.