Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I have a story no one has ever heard.
ill try n keep it short. i know what i need to do...leave him. but the circumstances im in im not sure how to leave. im forced to be patient, i dont know.
im married 17 years. we have four kids total. i am american but married a foreigner while in university. after 6 years of marriage and two kids we moved to his home country to help his mother out with her kids after her divorce. when married 10 years he came and said he wasnt happy he wanted to separate and he just left. i sort of knew it because he was NEVER HOME. i was alone in this country. different language and different culture. i do like it here. but its not home u know. for two years we were off again on again. we had a deal to not see anyone. of course i begged him like i had no self pride to come home. i was scared to live on my own in this country and i had two kids. i do have an education and was teaching n a university. i found out he was seeing MANY WOMEN. and it went back years. even when we were in usa he had cheated. i was hurt and broken. he even let one lady stay in our home while i was gone for the summer visiting USA. it was a very bad time in my life. that was 6-7 years ago.
he had one lady emailing me stalking me from Germany(same one who stayed in my house) saying i needed to leave him and asking why would i force a man to be with me when he didnt want. apparently he told her he was staying for the kids and i couldnt live there on my own. after much fighting and therapy we got back together. his story was he had so much responsibility since he was young with his mothers bad marriage and we married young that when he became successful in his job he was selfish and wanted "me time" he claimed he wasnt thinking clearly and was sorry. He had seen the other life and begged me to forgive him and get back together. i jumped at this chance because i loved him with all my heart and wanted a family with him.
THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO. since then we had two more kids. and i can honestly say i felt we were blessed. we were close. we often talked about how we were mature now and he thanked me often for waiting for him and not leaving.
ill mention i feel blessed. We live a charmed life. after numerous successes in my husbands work he is a very important figure in this Government. you can compare his job to John Kerry. If u see his face and u lived here you would know him. We are blessed with nice cars, maids, nannies, vacations everywhere as well as best schools for the children. i have never taken this for granted considering i am from a small town and my father was a truck driver.
BUT LIVING WITH A POWERFUL MAN HAS A DOWNSIDE. especially in this country that doesnt provide much rights to women.
since i got back with him i sincerely felt loved and we had grown closer. i was living a dream. and i was blessed. happy every day. but back in October he was drinking at the house (which is illegal in this arab country but he is VIP and can get away with pretty much anything) i had no idea my world would fall apart. he was on the phone and hung up as i walked in and i just said who was that. not suspecting anything....i was just asking. maybe his mom or some friend....
he was acting funny. like guilty funny. and he was drunk and couldnt lie fast on his feet. he finally admitted he was on the phone with a girl. it blew up very fast. i was VERY HURT. it came to my attention he had been cheating the whole time we were back together. and he intentionally had kids with me while cheating. his excuse was ," they mean nothing to me. its no big deal because everyone here does it. i love you and i love my family. they r nothing i swear. please dont leave me"
i was in shock. thinking here we go. simply put my 17 years of marriage i was cheated on the whole time. but i shouldnt be upset because they mean nothing to him. he ruined our marriage for a bunch of nothings.
my father died the next day so i left n went to USA. i stayed three months. i asked him to think about what he wants and fix his mistakes. he avoided this. said he didnt want to take the numbers off his phone becuse he wanted to see when they would call so he could not answer it. (bullsh8t) i gave him until i returned. when i came home i looked on his phone and he was still doing it. not only that i saw he was with other VIP from this country and when they travel they hire high end whores. $1500 for one girl. as well as a bunch of things. hes clearly a serial cheater. no one special lady.. just women to boost his ego.
He left on his own. i didnt have to leave. he claims im mean and have an anger problem and he cant stay with me so he left. I do not have an anger problem. im just very pissed and he has never seen me like this before. i feel betrayed and lied to. made a fool of when he took me back and had more kids with me. our youngest was 6 months when i found out. had we not gotten back years ago i would be well on my way out this marriage because i have one in university and the other one is almost finished high school and of to university as well. (both in the states) but now i have a 2 yr old and a baby under one to raise.
i feel he will never change. i do love him but my hurt is larger then my love at this point. and i can see he is caught up in some sick things. power and women......
now on to the rules of this country. in a divorce women do not get ANYTHING!
he is a millionaire. but according to the laws here i would get to live in this house (under his name not mine) and raise the kids. he would have to provide everything. i would get child support and money for me. and its not alot compared to what he makes.
that is all i would get.
i cant go home for several reasons. i could take the kids. this isnt a problem. but the fact i wouldnt have anything to start over. and he doesnt want a divorce so he will not provide money for me to start fresh there.
the kids are used to this life. not the country life i was raised in. lol the schools where im at are scary. Gangs and low education compared to the top notch we have here.
he has been out the house for a month and half now. hes sleeping in a hotel penthouse suit. he hasnt really shown remorse. in fact he said he could come home but only if he locks his phones and i no longer look at them because he doesnt want to fight and i need to stop diggin in his things. a marriage needs some privacy. i said forget it. he tells me he stopped. lol but i dont trust him. why lock your phone if u stopped? and he still has the ladies on his phone. according to him so he can see who calls n not answer it ....lol
what will i do? im not sure. i dont think i can go to usa. its not bad here. as long as he supports me n the kids i will be ok.
i suggested he just stay away and continue to pay. he doesnt want a divorce for his public immage. and i dont want one because i want his support. its more money for me if i dont get divorced but live apart.
let him do what he wants but i have told him i will do just like him. open marriage u can say? if thats what u call it.
im hurt and very lost. honestly. i love him so much. hes a drunk and cheater and i never thought we would be here. all i do is yell and scream at him. i feel i have neglected the kids for a few weeks because i have been in this fog and just thinking and walking around n a mess.
his family knows what hes done and is upset wit him. which he is deeply embarrassed.
but he hasnt shown remorse. just told me yesterday hes not in a good place right now and he knows its not fair to me. hes sorry for hurting me and takes full responsibility for all this mess. he also said too much damage has been done to go home. ( i didnt ask him to come home he is just saying this)
he told the oldest whos off in university that hes working on fixing things. shes old enough and i told her he left because he has been cheating. she doesnt know everything.
i know i need to keep busy so i have asked him to pay for my masters. so i hope he agrees so i can focus on this. i have seen a therapist. but this is a tricky situation as most r expacts and do not understand the difference in cultures here. and if u give advice to me u must understand the culture my husband is from. and this lady works here but doesnt really know the culture. her advice to me was basicly hes never gonna change so i need to go see an attorney and file divorce. once i told her i would not get anything in a divorce. she was shocked said she didnt know this about this country.
i am lost. i am in a county thats not mine. i dont hate it. in truth i rather it over my home town. maybe because of the maids and nannies i find live easy here. but hey....its the truth. lol i wouldnt have that over there. lol
but as long as he is out the house and provides me this life i will take it.
i am sad my friends. i miss him deeply. but all was a lie. i do hope he gets help. he even said he is willing to get help but now here and in a place that will not identify him. maybe USA?
but as of now im sad because of all this. im so hurt and he doesnt even see how he hurt me. he says he loves me but how can he? i do think some men can love their wife and cheat. like a different life. but thats ot what i signed up for and he knows it. he hasnt even bothered to take numbers off his phone he rather leave the house then do that. i dont have a choice, im not given a choice.
i dont know what the future holds. all i know is right now hes not here. im here in the house with the kids. and hes providing. im not sure how long this will last. he can easily afford it trust me.
most the time i stay home. ( i stopped working when i had the last baby) but i got a part time position for four hours a day at the local university. i hope he agrees to help pay for my masters. and i joined a gyn and taking zumba classes. lol i try to stay busy and i also intend to be a good mom to the small ones. as i do feel they havent had the best of me recently.
i dont know. its so hard. if i sound strong i can honestly tell u i am not. im a mess
thank u, so what do u all think? lol
ill try n keep it short. i know what i need to do...leave him. but the circumstances im in im not sure how to leave. im forced to be patient, i dont know.
im married 17 years. we have four kids total. i am american but married a foreigner while in university. after 6 years of marriage and two kids we moved to his home country to help his mother out with her kids after her divorce. when married 10 years he came and said he wasnt happy he wanted to separate and he just left. i sort of knew it because he was NEVER HOME. i was alone in this country. different language and different culture. i do like it here. but its not home u know. for two years we were off again on again. we had a deal to not see anyone. of course i begged him like i had no self pride to come home. i was scared to live on my own in this country and i had two kids. i do have an education and was teaching n a university. i found out he was seeing MANY WOMEN. and it went back years. even when we were in usa he had cheated. i was hurt and broken. he even let one lady stay in our home while i was gone for the summer visiting USA. it was a very bad time in my life. that was 6-7 years ago.
he had one lady emailing me stalking me from Germany(same one who stayed in my house) saying i needed to leave him and asking why would i force a man to be with me when he didnt want. apparently he told her he was staying for the kids and i couldnt live there on my own. after much fighting and therapy we got back together. his story was he had so much responsibility since he was young with his mothers bad marriage and we married young that when he became successful in his job he was selfish and wanted "me time" he claimed he wasnt thinking clearly and was sorry. He had seen the other life and begged me to forgive him and get back together. i jumped at this chance because i loved him with all my heart and wanted a family with him.
THAT WAS FIVE YEARS AGO. since then we had two more kids. and i can honestly say i felt we were blessed. we were close. we often talked about how we were mature now and he thanked me often for waiting for him and not leaving.
ill mention i feel blessed. We live a charmed life. after numerous successes in my husbands work he is a very important figure in this Government. you can compare his job to John Kerry. If u see his face and u lived here you would know him. We are blessed with nice cars, maids, nannies, vacations everywhere as well as best schools for the children. i have never taken this for granted considering i am from a small town and my father was a truck driver.
BUT LIVING WITH A POWERFUL MAN HAS A DOWNSIDE. especially in this country that doesnt provide much rights to women.
since i got back with him i sincerely felt loved and we had grown closer. i was living a dream. and i was blessed. happy every day. but back in October he was drinking at the house (which is illegal in this arab country but he is VIP and can get away with pretty much anything) i had no idea my world would fall apart. he was on the phone and hung up as i walked in and i just said who was that. not suspecting anything....i was just asking. maybe his mom or some friend....
he was acting funny. like guilty funny. and he was drunk and couldnt lie fast on his feet. he finally admitted he was on the phone with a girl. it blew up very fast. i was VERY HURT. it came to my attention he had been cheating the whole time we were back together. and he intentionally had kids with me while cheating. his excuse was ," they mean nothing to me. its no big deal because everyone here does it. i love you and i love my family. they r nothing i swear. please dont leave me"
i was in shock. thinking here we go. simply put my 17 years of marriage i was cheated on the whole time. but i shouldnt be upset because they mean nothing to him. he ruined our marriage for a bunch of nothings.
my father died the next day so i left n went to USA. i stayed three months. i asked him to think about what he wants and fix his mistakes. he avoided this. said he didnt want to take the numbers off his phone becuse he wanted to see when they would call so he could not answer it. (bullsh8t) i gave him until i returned. when i came home i looked on his phone and he was still doing it. not only that i saw he was with other VIP from this country and when they travel they hire high end whores. $1500 for one girl. as well as a bunch of things. hes clearly a serial cheater. no one special lady.. just women to boost his ego.
He left on his own. i didnt have to leave. he claims im mean and have an anger problem and he cant stay with me so he left. I do not have an anger problem. im just very pissed and he has never seen me like this before. i feel betrayed and lied to. made a fool of when he took me back and had more kids with me. our youngest was 6 months when i found out. had we not gotten back years ago i would be well on my way out this marriage because i have one in university and the other one is almost finished high school and of to university as well. (both in the states) but now i have a 2 yr old and a baby under one to raise.
i feel he will never change. i do love him but my hurt is larger then my love at this point. and i can see he is caught up in some sick things. power and women......
now on to the rules of this country. in a divorce women do not get ANYTHING!
he is a millionaire. but according to the laws here i would get to live in this house (under his name not mine) and raise the kids. he would have to provide everything. i would get child support and money for me. and its not alot compared to what he makes.
that is all i would get.
i cant go home for several reasons. i could take the kids. this isnt a problem. but the fact i wouldnt have anything to start over. and he doesnt want a divorce so he will not provide money for me to start fresh there.
the kids are used to this life. not the country life i was raised in. lol the schools where im at are scary. Gangs and low education compared to the top notch we have here.
he has been out the house for a month and half now. hes sleeping in a hotel penthouse suit. he hasnt really shown remorse. in fact he said he could come home but only if he locks his phones and i no longer look at them because he doesnt want to fight and i need to stop diggin in his things. a marriage needs some privacy. i said forget it. he tells me he stopped. lol but i dont trust him. why lock your phone if u stopped? and he still has the ladies on his phone. according to him so he can see who calls n not answer it ....lol
what will i do? im not sure. i dont think i can go to usa. its not bad here. as long as he supports me n the kids i will be ok.
i suggested he just stay away and continue to pay. he doesnt want a divorce for his public immage. and i dont want one because i want his support. its more money for me if i dont get divorced but live apart.
let him do what he wants but i have told him i will do just like him. open marriage u can say? if thats what u call it.
im hurt and very lost. honestly. i love him so much. hes a drunk and cheater and i never thought we would be here. all i do is yell and scream at him. i feel i have neglected the kids for a few weeks because i have been in this fog and just thinking and walking around n a mess.
his family knows what hes done and is upset wit him. which he is deeply embarrassed.
but he hasnt shown remorse. just told me yesterday hes not in a good place right now and he knows its not fair to me. hes sorry for hurting me and takes full responsibility for all this mess. he also said too much damage has been done to go home. ( i didnt ask him to come home he is just saying this)
he told the oldest whos off in university that hes working on fixing things. shes old enough and i told her he left because he has been cheating. she doesnt know everything.
i know i need to keep busy so i have asked him to pay for my masters. so i hope he agrees so i can focus on this. i have seen a therapist. but this is a tricky situation as most r expacts and do not understand the difference in cultures here. and if u give advice to me u must understand the culture my husband is from. and this lady works here but doesnt really know the culture. her advice to me was basicly hes never gonna change so i need to go see an attorney and file divorce. once i told her i would not get anything in a divorce. she was shocked said she didnt know this about this country.
i am lost. i am in a county thats not mine. i dont hate it. in truth i rather it over my home town. maybe because of the maids and nannies i find live easy here. but hey....its the truth. lol i wouldnt have that over there. lol
but as long as he is out the house and provides me this life i will take it.
i am sad my friends. i miss him deeply. but all was a lie. i do hope he gets help. he even said he is willing to get help but now here and in a place that will not identify him. maybe USA?
but as of now im sad because of all this. im so hurt and he doesnt even see how he hurt me. he says he loves me but how can he? i do think some men can love their wife and cheat. like a different life. but thats ot what i signed up for and he knows it. he hasnt even bothered to take numbers off his phone he rather leave the house then do that. i dont have a choice, im not given a choice.
i dont know what the future holds. all i know is right now hes not here. im here in the house with the kids. and hes providing. im not sure how long this will last. he can easily afford it trust me.
most the time i stay home. ( i stopped working when i had the last baby) but i got a part time position for four hours a day at the local university. i hope he agrees to help pay for my masters. and i joined a gyn and taking zumba classes. lol i try to stay busy and i also intend to be a good mom to the small ones. as i do feel they havent had the best of me recently.
i dont know. its so hard. if i sound strong i can honestly tell u i am not. im a mess
thank u, so what do u all think? lol
I know Arab countries have different rules, and I am not sure which one you live in. Men rarely get in trouble for having multiple partners... But women with so much as an accusation can be stoned. Be careful. I am really sorry for your situation.
i have looked at my options. i cant go to usa right now. i dont have ANYTHING IN MY NAME! not even $1 i cant justify in any way why my kids have to suffer and leave this lifestyle to go and be poor because mommy wants out. i can be out of my relationship with their father and still be here for now. ill work part time and save money. my nest egg. i know my options and for now its better i stay here as long as he pays. i honestly like it here. i have freedom to come and go. its a normal place. freedom to go out. they have Bars here in certain areas for expacts. as far as dating.....im not even wanting to. and trust me i will not date someone from this country! ha ha i think i had enough with one...thank u. and i dont think anyone from here would do it considering who hubby is anyway. i said to him open marriage only to inform him he can do as he wants and he should expect if hes doing it i will do the same. i didnt say it because im gonna run n hook up with the next guy i meet. i dont even have that need just yet.
he did call and ask if i wanted to go to a benefit with him wednesday. i considered it for a second then said no. i said to him he only wants me to go to save his image as a family man.u know...political wife on the arm of husband supporting him always looks good huh? ask one of his women to go instead.
im focusing on myself and the kids. yes im still upset and very angry. very hurt. this is my home. i been here for many years. my kids home as well. thanks for caring enough to read this.
I believe you hit on the MOST important part of the whole situation - - your two young kids. Why should they have to suffer? They shouldn't, and it looks like you're putting their needs first. HOWEVER, kids are very resilient and way more able to adjust at that young age then if they were teenagers. So if any move is to be made, I would advise it either happening right now or after they've gone away to college. So what does that mean for you? Unfortunately, YOU are the one who suffers. And that's a shame too because you shouldn't be the one to be punished, your cheating husband should be.
I would also tell you - - no more anger, no more screaming. When you are confronted by him and feel the need to get mad, take a deep breath (and I mean to literally do that) and then walk away. Find a place in the open or in the presence of others to discuss your private matters. You are more apt to keep it polite and calm. Behind closed doors it's all too easy to erupt. And frustration and hurt - - well those are two enormous triggers to lead to yelling and screaming. Add to that, I'm sure the kids don't need to hear their parents going at it.
As for the 'open marriage', even if you are not to be publicly stoned, I would still worry that because your husband is a man of power, he could easily use his influence to 'persuade' ill events to befell you or your partner. Do you know what I'm getting at? You didn't mention if he is violent, or corrupt enough to order bad people to do bad things, but it comes to mind when you talk about how high up he is.
And really though, would you be happy in that open arrangement? Would you truly not care who he's with? And I'm guessing he would NEVER be happy with who you are with, because he's obviously a control freak, in addition to a cheater.
I feel for you. You seem hopelessly trapped. I can't believe you would get NOTHING in a divorce, even if you were to prove his unfaithfulness. Have you at least kept documents of what you've found IN CASE you have to fight it out?
Last thing - - are you sure this isn't being read by him? Maybe he has surveillance on your actions.
Best luck to you and keep us informed.
Legally: You could earn and save money.
Illegally: Embezzlement, theft...etc.
Yeah, yeah, yeah... I am aware that I give "bad" advice but it's my honest thoughts and opinions.
I guess I can admit to myself as well as you all here. I like it her. Think about it...I have been here a decade. I have other Americans and Brits married to men here. We r like a family. I have very good friends I consider family. I love the location I'm n. Near the beach. The life here is very relaxing compared to the states. I just remember being n the states my last visit and seeing ppl not living but working...stressed n no time for family. It's about lifestyle.
Man down. I have two teenagers as well as two kids under two. My oldest is n university in the states but my 14 year old is here n he knows dads not here and why without the details. I have asked if he would go to the states n he said he rather finish skl here. I agree the schools here r much better.
I don't feel strong.. I feel like I have pushed my feelings deep inside me and I'm just running on auto pilot. If I allow myself to even think how I feel I may fall apart. Every now in then I let it come up and feel the pain when I'm alone taking a bath r something. Then I shut it off.
I don't know how I'm surviving but I'm managing to stay busy.
Last night I went out for the first time n forever.
Looking back I did the big no no.
I need practice. I don't know what to say when ppl ask how I got here to this country. I just say my husband is from here. I need a new line. Lol but overall I did have a lovely time and it was nice to be out.
As for my husband reading this nooooooo. Never. He's clueless about snooping. He can't believe the things I found just by his phone. Lol I'm the best at it trust me. Lol he even told my sister he doesn't know how I find things. Lol
Another thing I'll explain about him. He has no evil bone in his body.
I told the therapist I saw recently that he has so many positive qualities about him. Everyone likes him. He has never and would never hit me or the kids. He never even yells . I'm the teller. He can't take screaming.. He will walk away. And this is the one u will laugh at.... HE WOULD NEVER CHEAT IN HIS JOB!!!!!! He has morals u know? (Roll eyes) he would never steal even a pin from his office. We get cars from his position as well as free gas for the cars. He claims he would never cheat the government so I can't use the cars. Because that's stealing and using government money for personal expense. So I have my own cars. Lol
I find it VERY stupid that he can be so honest and have such high morals in every part of his life but behind closed doors he cheats on his wife.
I don't know if I can explain how he is such a good person. He has paid for his brother in sisters to go to university. He supports most his family and even a few distant cousins he supplies money monthly while they r n college living away. He is known for being kind. I honestly feel in this part of his life he's not selfish.
I swear to you it is like he has a DOUBLE LIFE. Which is why it took so long to catch him.
If u didn't know he was a serial cheater u would love him if u met him.
I can't say anything bad against him besides he can't stop cheating. And rather this over a normal family life.
I just want to shout at his aunts and say STOP WORSHIPING HIm!!!!!
Even my mother loves him. She asked him if what I said about him was true. N he said yes I have been talking to girls. ( he uses words carefully. He admits he's wrong but insist it's just talking n stuff) and my mom just says u need to fix this because I'm very upset. And hugs him n kisses him bye!!! I was like WTF...??????? Lol
As for as an open marriage. I don't really have a choice I. It's not that I don't care who's he's with. It's that I don't have a choice. Lol he claims he stopped. He claims he loves us. He claims a lot of shit but I know he can't stop. And I can't trust him. I care a lot. It does hurt me. But I can deal with it as long as he's not in the house. So if he's not in the house it's not really an open marriage is it?
And u r right. He would freak put if I dated. Because I'm the wife. His wife. I have told him over n over I will do as I want. But he would divorce me If I want to be serious and he found I was seeing someone. I don't want a divorce because as I said I want to continue my lifestyle.
Just last night I was talking about a lady we all once knew who got divorced. He husband was head of a bank here. And when they got divorced she went to court n demanded one. She only got the house to live in ( under her husband name not her name) and $600 a month child support. THATS IT!!!
The reason we can't have the house in our names is because we don't have nationality here and can't own property.
I'm trying to be strong. I want to make it clear I love my house. I feel very much at home here. I like being here. The downfall is I don't have my family here. Instead of me going to the states I wish my mom could be here. I know u don't understand but I have no desire to move home to the states right now. Maybe later..... My teenager has three more years left of skl. The same year he graduates I would put my other son in KG. So maybe then if I wanted to. But ppl here don't make work their life. In USA all I see are ppl working and not living. If u understand me. Slaves to the job. U worry about getting fired to stay home with a sick child. That would NEVER happen here. U would never get fired or have to worry to take off because u r a child were sick. I have more rights here as a working mom then there. Not to mention free health care. Lol which does matter. I know how expensive health care is to a single mom. My sister is a single mother n Louisiana.
I do miss my husband. I miss how things used to be. He came by yesterday and he has been trying to be nice. But that's because he wants us back. He wants BOTH. I do admit I just want to yell n scream at him. We Try to not fight in front of the kids. Although it did happen twice this last time, we r mostly very good at not doing this. It's something we have talked about n try n never do. I just feel so pissed off at him and his "everybody love me, I'm so nice,"
He said yesterday something about nobody's perfect. N how I need to focus on his positive side.
I tried to not say something nasty.... Lol I just said, u have many positive sides. But it not about u anymore. It's about me and how I'm being treated. And I walked away before I scratched his eyes out.
I'm not sure what the long term plans r. But for now he's n a hotel n I have the house. He claims he has stopped but will not show me his phone. ( so he's a liar) and I feel I can never trust him again . It's just to much to even try n lie to myself.
On another note. I'm not making excuses for him. I'm just wondering what u all think on this. I'm not wanting him back as I have clearly said I don't think I can ever trust him. But the therapist said he may need treatment for love/sex addiction. She says he maybe does love men the family and has managed to departmentalize the two. And seems to think one doesn't affect the other. And treatment could make him see this. I just thought power gone to his head. Lol
I don't feel scared of him. As I said he's a very kind person and never even yells at me. I'm the hot head. It's almost as if he has to please everyone. And once he starts talking to a girl he doesn't know how to break it off because he doesn't want to be a bad guy. I told him email the girls n say u can't have contact....and he was like noooooooooo. He rather ignore them than confront them. N hurt them. Lol
U get what I am saying? Please everyone.
I went out last night. I did pay attention to the kids all day yesterday and it felt great. I'm home with them today. I'll go to the gym this evening.
Ps. Bad thing, I started smoking again after five years.
As for what to do, advise would be so much easier if you could get SOMETHING guaranteed in a divorce and if you would be willing to part ways with all the niceties you have. But with both of those restrictions in place, I really have no idea what to say other then - - stick it out for the next 17 years until your young kids are often to school. But wow that's a long time to sacrifice and not be totally happy, or with someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated.
If it were me, I would think about establishing an overseas account and start stashing away every dime (or whatever currency you use) you can. Make a list of goals to work towards, plus a list of pros and cons on whether you care to leave down the road.
Wish I had more to offer.
What I am hearing from you is that you are unhappy about the situation with your husband but not willing to give up your comfortable life. I think you have already answered your question. Good luck to you.
Stashing some money in small amounts is a good idea just incase things implode and you want out.
Things are the same. My cheating hubby is still out the house. In truth I have no idea where he is sleeping as he told me when I asked he doesn't need to tell me because clearly I don't care. Lol
I still get trickle truth. Little by little I find out more things. Enough to know he's still doing it. One day about three weeks ago he texted saying we can't be together. At least right now. WTf? Like I should just ignore he's out doing his thing then allow him to come home? No thanks. I have the house and the holes paid by him. Why do I need him here cheating? AGAIN!!! He claims n the last that the girls r nothing. And he even insisted it was not sex involved but just talking on phone and never meeting up with them. Just friends sort of thing.
Today in therapy something came up ( I go alone once a week) she asked if I ever got tested for STD. It hit me I have not! So I made an apt to be sure I'm free of things. I go tomorrow morning. So I texted him today to say I will go to the dr for an STD test. But if he can honestly tell me there is no need for the test I would believe him. The. I asked do I need the test or no need?...... I got no response even though I can tell he read the text. So I waited then said I guess I will take ur silence as I need to get a test? I'm not fighting. I'm just genially asking for my health and because it came up in therapy........ Still no response. And later he came to visit the kids and pretended life was fine.
I have gotten over the I WANT TO KILL HIM PHASE. I am still in the same position. I will not divorce him as long as he supports me n the kids. I have been trying to get out more. I joined a gym. Workout. Spend time with the kids. He's agreed to pay for my masters. I start soon.
Funny thing is he wouldnt come home even if I asked I think. I have a battle within myself. I do love him and I miss my family. But I know who he is. And I could not agree to what he would expect me to agree to. I'm slowly finding self respect. And now I don't look at him supporting me and the kids as charity. I look at it more as my right!! I gave up a lot to move here and be n this country and this family! It's my right to be supported. I did ask for a divorce and if he would offer me a settlement of some kind to start over. And he sort of just said ya.... And changed the subject to when our daughter comes his summer maybe we take a vacation somewhere. I just said we will see I was hoping to maybe just take a small one with the kids. I said no need for him to take off work. And he was like, oh no I can't allow u to travel with the kids alone!!! They r too small! Lol
I said no really I can handle it. Lol
It's like I know we married but we really r separated so should we have different vacations? He still expects me to play the wife roll in the public eye with his job n friends. This does bother me. And it's something I'm working on n therapy. I guess it's something I have to do in order to have my house n my free life?
Since my last post I guess u can say I'm not in so much anger pain. I have established a routine and although it hurts deeply. I know I can't go back to what I was doing.
My plan? Get my masters and just play my part for now. I'm doing this for support and for my kids.
Ps my baby turns one tomorrow!!! Xoxoxox