5 months is not very long. If she is truly remorseful and is doing her best to help heal the marriage, you need to think hard before throwing the marriage away when you still have more healing to do. If you act on the emotions you are feeling now when things are still very raw, you very well might regret it later. If the problem is that there is anything you need from her at this point that you are not getting, you need to tell her and as painful as it may be, hash things out. I know this is hard, it is hard to understand how someone could do that to another person, I have been there, though my situation was a bit different.

Recovering from something like this takes strength, a lot of it. Recovery takes a huge amount of patience on the part of both people. God can give you strength. I would strongly suggest that the two of you, if you are not already, find a church to attend together. The teaching that you will receive there might be just the thing that can truly heal your relationship and put you both on the right track.

I wish you well.

I can so relate. I have been on a rollercoaster ride for years with my ex. He says just enough to me to keep me near him, but not enough in his actions. He has now been diagnosed with cancer, and has been reaching out to me so much lately. I did the whole no-contact thing when I found out about the OW. It devestated me. I am trying not to give up, but at this point he has a lot to prove to me. And with him being sick, he might choose he doesn't want to cause it is too painful.


Best of luck to you

8 men in 15 months? Why would you think some counseling can repair this? Personally I would end it, I mean this isn't like one drunken mistake which in itself is bad enough. This is a character flaw. She's not ready or willing to be monogamous. Sorry for your pain but this is way beyond fixable for my taste.

Wow. I am so sorry you are going through this. 8 men over 15 months is a lot. Is she in IC? There seems to be more there than just wanting to cheat. I guess if you care enough about her to stick by her while she is working on herself then your marriage will be stronger for it. My husbands record was 5 in 18 years. Now that he has moved out the current OW has become more of a regular thing. My husband is not willing to work on himself, his issues or our marriage. You have to weigh your options. Is it worth seeing this through? Can you trust her again? Can you look at her and forget what happened? Can you look at her and not be repulsed? The first 4 times this happened to me I completely forgave and forgot. This time is the preverbal straw that broke the camels back. I don't think I can completely forgive and therefore I can't completely forget. I can't move past this last affair.

I'm sorry this happened. I can absolutely relate. My husband, who I've been with for 10 years, recently admitted to 3 one night stands back in the first few years we were together, a few close calls since then, and a 2 week emotional affair 2 months ago. I've known for 2 months and I have struggled every single day with wanting him so badly and hating how weak and stupid that makes me fee. It's miserable. My only peace comes from knowing that I will continue to live up to my own moral standards, which include seeing my marriage through and supporting my husband in trying to repair this until I know for sure that I can or can't be happy in this marriage. Best of luck to you in figuring out where that line is for you--I have yet to hit that point.

I can relate too. My husband is having an affair and is lying about ending it with the OW. I feel so stupid because I still love him and want nothing more than to make it work, but he's not dedicated to that. I don't know what to do because I love him but hate him for doing this to me. It's only been 3 months since I found out (on Valentines Day) and I keep telling myself I need to give it more time. I set myself a time limit-if he doesn't end the relationship with the OW by the timeline I set for my mental well being then I am going to leave.... Maybe it would be different without the OW in the picture but I don't know how much longer I can do this.

Does your CS want to rebuild, if so would you consider it?

although our stories are different, yes, i can relate.
It has been a few years since Dday for me and sometimes i do question my decison - feeling as though i lost a little self respect for staying with the man who crushed my heart and soul. Why is it, that the one who can bring us comfort is also the source of the greatest pain.
And yes, there have been moments where i wish i could simply stop caring. But, I do love him and for now that trumps all else.
We have been working hard to recover what remains...a long tough road, took a lot time to get to where we are now, but i can honestly say, that had i given up easily , i would regret it.

This is all still so very raw for you. Complicated and so much to absorb and process. As Sarah2220 mentioned, recovery will take a lot of strength and you can find that through support groups, church, etc. Your willingness to stay with your W while she continues to work oh herself speaks volumes of the kind of man you are. But remember to nuture yourself and your own healing, too.

Man, that's a horrible situation and I am sorry for you. It is really tough dealing with such strong emotions on opposite ends of the spectrum. I still love my wife and want to restore my marriage, but at the same time I really struggle with feeling utterly disgusted and repulsed by her, especially since she is still shows no signs of genuine repentance and continues to her seemingly endless cycle of ongoing lies and betrayals. If I weren't a Christian the disgust and repulsion would have won out a long time ago. It's been a daily exercise of bringing the anger, hurt, bitterness and disgust before the Lord (often multiple times a day), but He has kept me going.

I would agree with what Sarah2220 recommended. If you and your spouse are willing, try to find a good Church with solid doctrine and get involved, don't just attend on Sundays. Find a small group or make friends or volunteer, but do something where you will be making deep connections within the community, not just a nameless spectator one hour a week. As bad as what your wife has done (and make no mistake: it is absolutely despicable), the fact that she is at least seemingly willing and commited to working on things can be cause for hope. Sadly, my wife still far from that stage with no signs of change of heart in sight.

I apologize if what I say next sounds preachy, that is not my intention. My intention is simply to tell you what I believe to be true and what I have personally witnessed, in hopes that it can be helpful to you. In the church I grew up in, there were a lot of new Christians who had never been followers of Christ before. Among them there were a lot of REALLY messed up marriages, far worse than your or my situation. I'm talking about, in some cases, decades of repeated infidelities, betrayals, alcoholism, physical and/or verbal abuse, drug addictions, gambling addictions, etc. And along with all that came decades worth of bitterness, records of wrongs, resentment, anger, etc. Not every couple made it, but of the couples where both partners seriously commited their lives first to Christ, and secondly to their spouse (and that order is important) the transformation was nothing short of miraculous. A lot of those marriages became some of the most loving, tender and fulfilling marriages anyone could hope for. It didn't happen overnight, nor should you expect that to happen, but it did happen.

The reason why I think the order of priorities matters (i.e. God first and spouse second) is because, humanly speaking, your wife doesn't deserve your forgiveness and it is incredibly hard to let go of the anger and resentment. However, when you focus first on God, you realize that neither do you deserve His love and forgiveness, yet he lavishes it on you; not because you are lovable, but because He IS love. For me, this has been incredibly helpful in continuing to demonstrate love, patience and forgiveness towards an unrepentant and unfaithful wife. When I am filled with disgust and bitterness towards her and have no desire to love her or forgive her because of her unfaithfulness, I turn to God and think about how often I have been unfaithful to Him, yet He still loves me and shows me mercy and grace. Being aware of the completely undeserved love, forgiveness and grace that I have received makes it much easier to show those same things to someone else - in this case my wife. Don't get me wrong: it is not easy nor does it come effortlessly. It is a daily struggle, but it helps a lot.

Sorry for rambling on and likely coming across as some crazed zealot. I just wanted to let you know that I personally know several couples who were in marriages that, humanly speaking, were complete and utter lost causes. Yet I also was able to personally witness God transform them into some of the most amazing and enviable marriages I've seen. So don't give up just yet! You and your wife will be in my thoughts and prayers.

P.S. I typed this on my phone, so it is likely riddled with typos and autocorrect errors, so please don't judge my spelling or grammar if it is ;-)

Let me quickly clarify something from my previous comment above. I am not, in any way, trying to say you should condone or passively enable the unfaithful spouse's bad behavior to continue unchecked or unquestioned. You should make it clear that that behavior is wrong and unacceptable, and it is appropriate and at times necessary to set very clear boundries. But even in the midst of the worst of it, you should still strive to show love, mercy and forgivess - almost more for your sake than hers. You forgiving her doesn't absolve her of responsibility before God, but it allows YOU to let go of the bitterness and anger that otherwise eats away at YOU. As the Bible says, do not overcome evil with evil, but overcome evil with good. You are in my prayers, brother.

i am having a very hard time these last few days. I see a CBT therapist once per month (used to be weekly), my WW and I see a MC weekly, and two weeks ago , with agreement from my WW, i see our MC individually. These solo one on one sessions w the MC just wipes me out emotionally..... she says that I turn the anger I have at my wife inwards....we talked about my childhood...being bullied, being a fat little kid, having an alcoholic mother w anger issues.... she said as an adult, i don't need bullies, because I've become my own bully. i beat myself up about things...i tell the MC that i feel that I am weak and not a real man because I am still w my WW (8 ap in 15 months)... and it bugs me so much some days that I still love her, and that i still am in love w her...and i think...what kind of man am i? my MC says its not the adult me talking at that point...its the little fat kid who was bullied , who is talking at that point... self esteem issues have plagued me all my life. the MC says we are going to work on that. The MC says i am not being fair to myself for trying to find fault in myself for my WW actions. she says my WW is 100% to blame for the actions she chose...and that the multiple affairs were not about me...they were all about my WW. I asked the MC, if nothing changed in our relationship except me looking different...like a Brad Pitt guy, does she think that would have changed anything. The MC said..NO. it wouldn't have mattered. it wouldn't have changed anything. the affairs your WW engaged in were not a reflection of you, your looks or your worth. They were all a reflection of your WW lack of boundaries, her lack of impulse control, he lack of empathy and selfishness.

but none of that makes me feel any better.

I'm almost 50 years old...and right now, almost 5.5 months after DDay, i still feel like that little sissy fat kid who never did enough to protect himself.