Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Just to recap my story, my H was involved with a Bunny Boiler, and when he broke it off, she sent pics of them having sex to my children and pretty much told the whole town. So, many people know what's happened in our marriage.
Now, let's fast forward to my friend, who has been divorced for about 4 years. She recently started seeing a man who is married, and somehow thinks I should be consoling her about all the trials and tribulations of having a clandestine relationship.
Her new beau is of course telling her that he's miserable in his marriage, and he and his wife are platonic, they're only together until the kids get older, etc.
Since we live in such a small area, I have asked her why this man's wife has never even hinted at the "misery" of their marriage? Why are there still PDA's between them when they're at social functions? Her MM has of course explained that his W wants to keep up the image of a good marriage. What about the jewelry she got from him for Christmas and posted the photos of, complete with the "thank you" kiss? Her MM said that it was for show, and his W actually bought the jewelry for herself and wrapped it "from him" because she didn't want the kids to see that he didn't even get her a Christmas gift.
My friend is not stupid. She is choosing to believe these half assed stories because she wants them to be true. I get that.
I can't sympathize with stupidity. Just as people who play with other types of fire (drugs, alcohol, etc.) and get burned don't get my sympathy, I can't support someone who is KNOWINGLY doing something WRONG and choosing to plead ignorance about it.
She is furious with me, and insists that as her friend, I should be supporting her. This all came to a head because she found out that her man can't be with her on Valentine's Day because his evil W has already committed them to attending an event with mutual friends that night.
I can't feel sorry for her. I can't approve. I think I'd feel this way even if my H hadn't cheated. I know that friends should support one another, but they also have to be honest with one another, and I think she's making horrible choices.
Opinions?
Now, let's fast forward to my friend, who has been divorced for about 4 years. She recently started seeing a man who is married, and somehow thinks I should be consoling her about all the trials and tribulations of having a clandestine relationship.
Her new beau is of course telling her that he's miserable in his marriage, and he and his wife are platonic, they're only together until the kids get older, etc.
Since we live in such a small area, I have asked her why this man's wife has never even hinted at the "misery" of their marriage? Why are there still PDA's between them when they're at social functions? Her MM has of course explained that his W wants to keep up the image of a good marriage. What about the jewelry she got from him for Christmas and posted the photos of, complete with the "thank you" kiss? Her MM said that it was for show, and his W actually bought the jewelry for herself and wrapped it "from him" because she didn't want the kids to see that he didn't even get her a Christmas gift.
My friend is not stupid. She is choosing to believe these half assed stories because she wants them to be true. I get that.
I can't sympathize with stupidity. Just as people who play with other types of fire (drugs, alcohol, etc.) and get burned don't get my sympathy, I can't support someone who is KNOWINGLY doing something WRONG and choosing to plead ignorance about it.
She is furious with me, and insists that as her friend, I should be supporting her. This all came to a head because she found out that her man can't be with her on Valentine's Day because his evil W has already committed them to attending an event with mutual friends that night.
I can't feel sorry for her. I can't approve. I think I'd feel this way even if my H hadn't cheated. I know that friends should support one another, but they also have to be honest with one another, and I think she's making horrible choices.
Opinions?
Ultimately, she did end the affair, but not because of my warnings. She finally became afraid she was going to get caught.
BTW, I hope you called the police on the Bunny Boiler for sending those pictures to your kids. If I am not mistaken, if your kids are underage, BB actually committed a crime.
BTW, my children are all adults, so it wasn't criminal. Despicable, yes, but not criminal. She's not a stable woman.
She spent Valentine's Day alone, though her MM texted her throughout the evening, assuring her that he was having a miserable time and could think of nothing but her.
The local paper ran a story about the Valentine's Day event that the MM and his wife attended, and one of the photos that ran with the story was, of all things, the MM and his wife in a liplock on the dance floor. Go figure. Of course, when my friend made a rather snide comment to her MM about the photo, he explained it was staged for the photo op. Sure it was.
They've actually been at the same place on a few occasions, he with his W, and she alone. He is able to totally ignore her at these times, but then texts her later to tell her how beautiful she looked, etc.
She's about 6 months into this relationship now, and is hanging on for dear life. She gets gifts from him now, signed only as her "Secret Admirer", so she gets the validation from others about how wonderful this guy must be to send her flowers, cards, etc. She is claiming to all that she doesn't know who it is. It's quite a romantic little story at the water cooler. :-)
We continue to be friends, and agree to disagree about this.
This whole situation will blow up at some point, and ALL parties will be horribly affected.
After my ex left me for his OW I hoped to heal and move on and find someone. Someone single. There seem to be so many predators.... my experience makes me wonder if your friend is the mm's first OW.
Any chance you can get out of this Peyton Place town you live in?
I would start to distance myself from this "friend". She is delusional.
Dangerous. There is some quote about mankind having two natures:
good and evil. What one will triumph? The one that gets nurtured.
Of course.