Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
It has been a little over a year and a half since dday and my H breaking if off with one of my friends after a 6 month affair. I have not spoken or seen her/OW since full disclosure.
In the beginning of the process I was afraid to go anywhere in our town in fear of running into her, but now that it's been over a year I'm back to running errands and such but still always looking over my shoulder. I hate this! It seems like it's the last big check on my list of things I need to do in order to move on but my therapist disagrees and see's no good coming of it what so ever. Sooo here I am asking all of you....Did you ever have a face to face with the OW or even a phone conversation for that matter? And if you did did you get closure or anything else from it or was it just a train wreck and emotional nightmare you now regret?
All the emails and messages she sent me for the first year I ignored because the silence seemed to drive her up a freaking wall and it was the only way I felt in control at the time. Those emails have finally stopped and I don't want to poke a sleeping bear but a tiny part of me feels none of this can be completely dealt with as long as that piece is left unattended to? I don't know, maybe I'm in a bad spot lately who knows? Would appreciate anyones input on the matter especially if you've experienced this for yourself. Thanks
In the beginning of the process I was afraid to go anywhere in our town in fear of running into her, but now that it's been over a year I'm back to running errands and such but still always looking over my shoulder. I hate this! It seems like it's the last big check on my list of things I need to do in order to move on but my therapist disagrees and see's no good coming of it what so ever. Sooo here I am asking all of you....Did you ever have a face to face with the OW or even a phone conversation for that matter? And if you did did you get closure or anything else from it or was it just a train wreck and emotional nightmare you now regret?
All the emails and messages she sent me for the first year I ignored because the silence seemed to drive her up a freaking wall and it was the only way I felt in control at the time. Those emails have finally stopped and I don't want to poke a sleeping bear but a tiny part of me feels none of this can be completely dealt with as long as that piece is left unattended to? I don't know, maybe I'm in a bad spot lately who knows? Would appreciate anyones input on the matter especially if you've experienced this for yourself. Thanks
Are there things that you feel absolutely must be said or heard to give your closure? Are these things worth the risk of inviting her back into your life? Did you read her letters and just not respond? Or did you just toss them?
There's a lot to think about before your make this decision.
I've not seen the OW since right before I confronted my H. (He still works with her - ouch!) But we do have intersecting worlds and I, too, live in fear I will bump into her somewhere.
I have seen her friends at different events. (Awkward.) While I have
kept their dirty secret, it's obvious that she was flapping her gums and told many people. So I don't even know who knows.
I have often thought that since my H and I have known her and her husband for years, this was not some random hook up, that she
should have written me a note and said just one thing:
"I'm sorry" and signed it.
I'd would have felt so differently. This is how I do feel: I want to kill her, after I make her suffer. And I think of things that I could do to get my revenge. I'll do none of these, of course, but I am powerless and this makes me feel better.
I do not want to start anything with her. I want it all to end and for karma to kick her in the teeth. I would never approach her, write to her, call her or anything. I think my H's ending the A is painful enough. And I can only hope all those people she told, think she's an ass, a total and complete ass who got her comeuppance!
Both my T and the MC told me NOT to triangulate and pull her into my marriage. I think I'd probably tell you the same thing. Hold your head high, you've done nothing wrong. Let her hide in shame.
Seriously, do you think she will ask for your forgiveness? Fat chance. Do you think she will apologize for the pain she caused?
Good luck with that. NO, instead she will probably attack you, say your H was crazy about her, and on and on. No good can come of this.
It would be better for you to turn to your H for comfort. Ignore her.
And do not let her presence in your town dictate your activities.
Let her burn in hell, right where she belongs.
I wish you only good things. I know how you feel and I am sorry for us both.
xxx
Plus because I've never answered any of her pleading emails, texts, letters, etc... that she's sent I figure it's the only way I feel I have the upper hand. If I did speak with her she would probably walk away with a lot more closure than I would and I'll be damned if that's going to happen!
Thanks again, knew it all in my heart, just needed a gentle reminder which you all did well
I always bragged to everyone that my husband "is the most honest man I know" what a fool I was :(
I can't imagine that a conversation with the OW would bring you anything other than grief and obsession.
On the other hand, I could never live in a situation where I could possibly bump into the affair partner. Even if this included selling houses, loosing money etc. It simply is not worth wondering about. Who needs that crap in their lives? Don't we have enough to worry about?