OK - here goes. I have been in a committed relationship with a woman I love for 9 years. Our relationship hasn't been without problems, but we seemed happy and usually worked thru all of the issues thru communication. We have had issues with our physical relationship for the past 5 years, but she always told me that she loved me and that she just wasn't interested in sex anymore - not with me or with anybody, the desire was just not there. Then all seemed to start slipping about a year ago. There was less and less affection, some secrecy (it was there all along but I really didn't notice until recently). Well, I found out for sure about 2 weeks ago that she has been involved in an affair for over 10 months -with a married man 20 years younger than her! I saw the text messages and the emails (not just emails, but naked pictures of herself sent to him). Right now, I am devestated and don't know what to do. I have spoken to a friend who has been very supportive and am going to go to couseling next week, but I am very confused right now as to what to do. We are still living together (unfortunatley, we built a new house together last year - before the affair started, and neither of us really wants to sell the house). I don't know if I can ever trust her or believe her again. And she tells me that she doesn't know if she can give me the love that I deserve, that she just may never be able to love me enough. She says that she feels ashamed, disgusted with herself, cna't look me in the eye (or herself sometimes) and that she feels hopeless and depressed. She says that she is so sorry for what she did and that it just happened - she didn't plan on it. But she claims that she doesn't know why she did it or why she let it go on for 10 months (she even told me that he tried to stop it at one point, but she insisted that they continue - and they did up until I found out). I am told that it's now (although I have no real way of knowing that. I asked her to go to counseling but she says she is not ready for that. Right now, I feel miserable and am unable to concentrate on my work. We seems to end up talking about it daily (it's me bringing it up - she doesn't want to talk about it everyday). And we are both miserable and not sleeping much. She keeps saying that we had the issues before the affair, that the affair wasn't about those issues, but we should have addressed them long ago. I know that this is going to take time and work (and that makes me angry since I didn't do anything), but I don't know if it's worth it or if we can save the relationship.
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