Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
Got this from the Web. Makes sense.
Relationships that start off in deception usually end in deception. When a woman gets involved with a married man, she turns a blind eye to the fact that he is a cheater and an unreliable partner.
She sees only what she wants to see and believes only what she wants to believe. She acknowledges the fact that he is cheating on his wife with her, but refuses to see that she too is a victim of his selfish behavior- choosing to make herself his victim.
Men rarely leave their wives and family for their mistresses, which means that they string their mistresses along, having them believe that one day they will both be together with no more hiding around. Mistresses hang on to this fantasy, believing that their married lover truly loves them and will eventually be with them and this begins a long journey of emotional pain, emptiness and endless waiting.
There are of course cases when a married man will actually leave his wife to be with his mistress, this has been known to happen, but it is rare. Plus, if it does happen, the relationship usually does not last, even if man and mistress go as far as getting married. This is because when the relationship started, it was not planted on solid, honest ground.
Instead, the seed of the relationship was planted on unstable ground, fertilized with secrets and lies- regardless of whom the secrets were being kept from and whom the lies were being told to. Secrets and lies disallow people from being their true selves- a part of you has to be put on hold due to the man-mistress circumstance. If the man and his mistress do end up together and get married, they eventually have troubles with trust, because of the way they got together.
They both know that they are capable of cheating and going along with cheating and while they may actually love each other- all the facts defining their relationship has the greater influence, whether they want to acknowledge it or not..
Just thought I'd share. It's been a while since I've been on. Stay strong guys!
Relationships that start off in deception usually end in deception. When a woman gets involved with a married man, she turns a blind eye to the fact that he is a cheater and an unreliable partner.
She sees only what she wants to see and believes only what she wants to believe. She acknowledges the fact that he is cheating on his wife with her, but refuses to see that she too is a victim of his selfish behavior- choosing to make herself his victim.
Men rarely leave their wives and family for their mistresses, which means that they string their mistresses along, having them believe that one day they will both be together with no more hiding around. Mistresses hang on to this fantasy, believing that their married lover truly loves them and will eventually be with them and this begins a long journey of emotional pain, emptiness and endless waiting.
There are of course cases when a married man will actually leave his wife to be with his mistress, this has been known to happen, but it is rare. Plus, if it does happen, the relationship usually does not last, even if man and mistress go as far as getting married. This is because when the relationship started, it was not planted on solid, honest ground.
Instead, the seed of the relationship was planted on unstable ground, fertilized with secrets and lies- regardless of whom the secrets were being kept from and whom the lies were being told to. Secrets and lies disallow people from being their true selves- a part of you has to be put on hold due to the man-mistress circumstance. If the man and his mistress do end up together and get married, they eventually have troubles with trust, because of the way they got together.
They both know that they are capable of cheating and going along with cheating and while they may actually love each other- all the facts defining their relationship has the greater influence, whether they want to acknowledge it or not..
Just thought I'd share. It's been a while since I've been on. Stay strong guys!
I actually feel pretty sorry for the OW in my case now a days. I know she actually believes all the stories my ex told her about me. She believes the half-truths, the exagerations and even the outright lies he told to paint himself as someone who needed her to rescue him. She believes it with her whole heart. I know that and at this point in my life I feel pretty bad for her. Her entire life has changed its course based on the stories of a known liar and cheat. She has hitched her future to that. She may deserve it but it is still pretty sad.
She also gets to keep him and that will forever be the very best revenge I will ever have on her. As the years go by she will know what I mean more and more and she will also know what she lost if she doesn't already. I can no longer be angry with someone with such a compltely pathetic life and who hasn't the depth to realize there is a much bigger picture than the one he painted. Of course, true to form, she may just use this to get more people to feel sorry for her. It is her MO. She can't get the attention, respect and admiration she craves by telling the truth now, can she?
One day soon the truth will hit her between the eyes and when it does she still won't be a victim. Not by a long shot.
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds * that way...
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all
Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way
But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away
I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way...
But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all...." joni mitchell
Here's the deal, spouses are victims, OW -- those who don't know about the M -- not so much. But I will say that I participated in my H's A, because I gave him lots of space to do his thing. You know, golf, fishing, hunting, poker. We had GREAT sex -- all the time, not boring sex like these men tell their OW. Never asked him for details, because he always seemed to do what he said he would. Fast forward to July of 2009 and I learned that "fishin' ain't always fishin'.'' I learned a lot of other stuff, too. And what an education it has been!
I don't feel sorry for these women, in fact, I can't believe their gall. It's like they want an award for being delusional! I just thought this was an interesting article. After I read, "Dating A Married Man: Memoirs from the Other Women," I just felt like this was a good complement to what I learned in the book. It's really eye-opening. And very, very sad!
Thanks, all, for your comments. I really appreciate the feedback.
L~
Hmph..yep..gotta run with the group on this too. They are not the victim. I think the words written say it all! "they CHOOSE to be his victim" say it all. They make a choice. In their own mind they may be because they can see things as clearly from the inside of the situation as it can be seen outside and objectively. Some of them are so obsessed that they actually think they are somehow so attractive or appealing that this man just cant help himself and is compelled to be with them. That this compulsion is so strong that they (the CS) will fall madly in love with them after being with them only the one time and just chuck the ole battle axe of a wife and kids to be with the person they truly want!! This was the delusion of the OW in my h's case. Of course this was her plan, and why she pulled so many underhanded things thinking that sex was the way to a man's heart. Her ex manages a strip club here so she has seen this played out over and over and probably had in her own marriage. She just couldnt FATHOM that my h wouldnt fall in line with this fantasy of hers and only after he didnt, she was THEN the victim. However, while it was all going on and she was doing her thang and "advising him" based on her own agenda while throwing herself at him physically, at that time she didnt see herself AT ALL as a victim. AT THAT TIME, she felt she had the power! Then she felt the victims were in fact my h, myself and all of those poor stupid souls that had been caught in her grasp.
Then when she lowered the boom on my h, telling him what she expected of him after he slept with her and him not only NOT wanting to chuck his family but actually feeling horrible about it and telling her HE was wrong and SHE was wrong and in fact that he should have NEVER allowed any of this to take place. That he wanted no contact with her again EVER..NOW she is the victim. NOT when she was taking her top off and telling him that he could have all he wanted or when she came up behind him naked when he was working on her plumbing. Nope..only AFTER she didnt get what she wanted.
There are MANY different kinds of other women. However if they KNOW he is married..there is one common theme..THEY CHOSE!" I dont see them as victims in cases like that. I certainly dont see them all in the same light as the OW that I had the poor unfortunate luck to cross paths with. Some are just messed up in the head and are in as much of an emotional mess as the CS. Both of them not even considering anyone elses feelings or who they are hurting. They only are caring about themselves in that moment and what feels good at that moment. Not bad people..just really screwed up at that time.
I have known an OW that was a victim. My ex's OW had NO IDEA he was married or had children or even had one on the way. It was a complete shock to her. However, what got me was that once she did learn, she didnt walk away. But then my ex was still lying to her and me. I told him to take a hike and honestly I felt her ending up with him would have been the worst possible thing I could have done to her. She saw him as her knight to help her and her 3 kids. She had NO IDEA who he really was. NO idea at all! lol..Once she knew, she no longer wanted him and then the pooor wittle man was all alone! I guess he is a victim too huh?
I could grind an onion into my eye and I really think the thought of a cheating spouse and/or OW being a victim could suck the tears right back into my head.
I actually don't really care to understand the OW/OMs perspective. They tend to be narcissists and as such I refuse to give them what they want: which is examination and drama. They deserve to be discarded and unexamined as victims, even of their own crimes.
Karma is a bitch, and so are OW - they deserve to hang out together, and often! :)
She is no victim and has known exactly what she was doing from the first giggle at one of his stupid jokes. She is a manipulator, not a victim.