How come your H doesn't know that you know about his female friends?

That sounds like a difficult situation, and it's leading to pent-up resentment...which hurts you and your health more than it will his.

Are you still in the stage of you knowing something is going on (but nit the extent of it) and him denying it did you have DDay since you last posted?

if you haven't had a DDay yet he is still making you a bad guy so that he can put the blame on you and justify his actions.

I understand how regardless of the stage you have the profound need to have him show you that YOU are special, to see the sign that he loves you and cares about you. I am sorry he failed so completely but I really think that in this case he did it on purpose to feel better about what he is doing behind your back..... I am sorry... Sending you virtual hugs.

Irrespective of your specific situation I just wanted to point out that in normal circumstances Valentine's Day is a two way street. I believe it is as much for a husband to make feel his wife special as it is for the wife to make her husband special and loved. Much the same as the wedding anniversary. Unfortunately infidelity s...s everything up.

Valentines day really stinks for some aye. I know what you mean. Just don't let his actions (or lack of) bring you down. I am struggling with this too right now. I have posted in "Health relationships" I have only just found this group. Remind yourself that you are special, he is the one with the issues not you.

miracletobehold I do not know the backstory here so I am not sure where you are comings from. If you are a BS then obviously he is not doing a very good job at even trying to make it work. If your not a BS then still obviously there are issues in the marriage (not that most marriages dont have issues) Your quote of "Valentines day is for people who care about each other" is the most disturbing thing for me in the whole post, not that you didn't get a gift or he didn't do anything. Seeing what your Facebook friends are getting or what other people are talking about is not beneficial to your relationship to compare to others, you have no idea what their stories are, for all you know your friends who are getting the most, like 2 dozen roses a dinner out and showered with love are the ones with boyfriends who are "making up for" the 2 other girlfriends they have on the side. I went 4 years worth of normal Valentine's days after the affairs started where I did all of the typical Vday things and then some and she reciprocated some, but there was the underlying secret all along. Dont get me wrong the way he is acting I completely understand why you are hurt, and again I dont know your "story" but its not about the gifts.

This was the 3rd Valentines post Dday for me and it still is very hard. Just like the last two I waited until last minute to do anything (before I planned way ahead and did tons of stuff) but as with the last three I debated what to do if anything as I didn't really feel up to it but I just felt bad and last minute went out and bought flowers, and threw together a pretty fancy dinner at home, bought a card for the first time since Dday because now cards are very hard to get as nothing fits. Anyway I guess I am trying to say overall that Valentines day is more about feelings, I still try to do some of the same stuff I always did, just not to the extreme but the same feelings aren't exactly there. I get you are upset about the feelings mostly but the material things and comparison to others are not a help. If he is cheating on you that is a big problem obviously, the other things you mention here does certainly fit in the "jerk" category but a fairly common "jerky" type of way guys can fall into over time. As Jay said Valentine's should be a two way street though, even though it always is more about the woman normally, and I am (was) fine with that.



So just to share the card I got for a laugh. I looked at one store and found nothing that fit at all or that I could give. So at another store I walked in and it jumped right out at me. While its nothing like the mushy cards I used to give, she seemed to be happy with it (probably just because I manage to get one).

It said. "Love is like Peeing your pants. Everyone can see it by only you can feel it" On the inside it said "Wishing you a Valentines Day full of warmth". Seemed OK enough for me to give as I do "love" my wife but I'm not "in love" with her.

Countymounty - this is the very card I got for my husband! I started to laugh out loud in the store!

Miracle - Countymounty is right. Many of these women post it to show off. I have a friend who posts on every her/hus birthday, anniversary and Valentines day or brags how they went for romantic getaway and if I didn't know better I would feel jealous that they have such a great marriage and I don't. In real life they treat each other like they hated nit loved each other, there is A LOT if mean bickering and worse she demeans him all the time and in an awful way in front of the children. They say sometimes such hurtful things that I don't know what to do with myself yet to the Facebook world its all love and glitter.

I red a great quote that I don't remember exactly but it pretty much says that we are comparing our behind the scenes the other people's front of the stage.... It is very true. My husband would give roses and took me to fancy restaurants for Valentines all while having multiple affairs. Now whenever I see a super happy couple I think "which one of you is a cheater? Which one of you is being duped?".

I really think that your husband is trying to make himself feel better (I assume that you are still suspecting, that there was no DDay yet) and for that he has to tell himself that you are a bad wife and you don't deserve Valentines Day affection.
And I would also say it is a good sign. If I am correct and it is his guilt talking - that means he actually cares. If he was cheating without feeling guilty about it that would be a really bad sign.....

Of course if you already had DDay its all bad.

Regardless of anything - I so feel for you... The feeling of not being loved is among the worst feelings there are....

Feeling alone in a marriage was the worst feeling for me. I would rather be single and alone than constantly realize my "partner" is not there, ever.

I think and so does the Wife think V-day is really over rated these day's
i feel that a ocassionally you should just do something special not with , but together is what i believe in
i went out of my way for her as she did for me 20+ years ago ..so we agree'd to do our own thing,,,

But your husband seems to be selfish or just on a ego trip....seems like there is more going on then what he is trying to Mask specially other female friends ect: if i were you red flag's would have been fired up !

Seek therapy pronto as a gift to yourself. Professional guidance will be helpful in navigating through the complex issues you are facing. If you both agree that he should accompany you in therapy that is fine, but otherwise don't waste another minute of your time on this relationship. I am sorry you are hurting! I hope you feel better soon!

Tammi

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.
I never get Valentines gifts either but to be honest it doesn't bother me anymore.
I got myself something nice this year, it was my very special valentine's gift, from me to myself. I got him nothing lol...Lately I have been trying to think more about myself I tend to forget "me/I"