Well, affairs are so much exciting for the men and women having them. Lets see, for the most part, when they are together, no one is talking about the kids lessons, football games problem with the teachers and so forth. Oh and lets not forget the money problems that go along with raising kids and keeping up a house, insurance, car problems all that life stuff that gets in the way of making the legal marriage exciting. The other woman is always dress ed to the nines smells great and is ready to give 100 percent. sure she isnt taking care of the problems at home, at the office, at the school. Now........throw those problems into the champange and KY intense jelly and the affair becomes everyday stuff, who whats that again. NO thanks. Find out how to get your needs met with your spouse. If not get out and teach your kids that everyone has a right to be happy and someday they can make the right choice as well. I have heard all the reasons why the man can't leave the woman and given a few myself. It only feels good at the moment, the feeling that comes after is "oh my Lord, whose lives did I mess up this time" with my NEEDS!

Lau,

What did you ask for? There was only honest advice? So now you leave?

We don't say here, what you want to hear. We say what you NEED to hear.

I would have said, if you were still around, that your friend needs to get her head out of her butt and see the reality of her situation. Take the blinders off. Be real with herself - even if it hurts. There is nothing like brutal self honesty.

But this? She needs to leave it. Walk away. If he is so dead set on ending the marriage, as he seems, he will do it with or with out her.

Take care, L~

this thread is almost 2 years old. I'd be interested to hear what happened with her "friend".

That seems to be happening alot lately, directing. I wonder who's bumping up these old threads.

L~

i think that newbies like me dont realize how old the threads are and it brings them a lot of attention. Note to site manager, make the date of the post bigger text of bold so people will see that. also, i think these kinda posts get attention cuz we all really wanna lay into the OW. however, is that really healthy? as we have seen on these posts, the Ahole lies lies lies. these women who are the OW are usually in need of some physcological help, just like the BS. quit blaming her, and start looking at HIM! u will not find peace or love in ur life if u are too busy picking up shit and smelling it!

Maybe I should just come up with some kind of an "official reply" to this oft-asked question.

SO HERE IT IS:

1. I am not attacking or accusing anyone. I am only giving advice and an opinion.
2. I am going to be as objective as possible, considering what has been done to me by my Future Ex's OW.

AdviceTime

1. The first thing I would advice your friend to do, is to think with her brains instead of her emotions
2. Let's look at what is actually taking place, not what the MM is saying
3. They are still married and living together
4. How does anyone know for certain that the MARRIED COUPLE are no longer occupying the same bedroom
4. If the STILL MARRIED AND CHEATING man and his wife are actually planning on selling THEIR SHARED HOME, it is quite likely that he may indeed moving some of his things to the basement to prepare the house for staging. Things are often moved around and changed when a home is being sold
5. Here's that pesky truth thing. THEY ARE STILL MARRIED AND SHARING A HOME! PERIOD!
6. Why doesn't your friend think she deserves than someone who would cheat on their spouse, someone who would break their Sacred Wedding Vows
7. I would also ask her why she is willing to help someone to cause great pain and suffering to someone who has never harmed her

When I was in my 20s, I had a roommate who had left her H for a MM. Well, he gave her every excuse in the world for not leaving his wife: his daughter's birthday was coming up, it was close to Christmas, his anniversary was coming up. Hell, at any given time, some milestone in the M and family was coming up. I told her that he would NEVER leave his wife. Finally, after more than a year of hearing his lies, she accepted the fact that he was not leveling with her. She was SO disappointed, but I told her that their R didn't have the right foundation, and therefore, wouldn't progress.
Well, turns out this guy DID divorce his W, after she got fed up and threw him out!
Cheaters love juggling and being sneaky. If they leave one for the other, they're onto the next conquest.
Same thing happened with my father in-law. My mother in-law had had enough, and threw him out. He went straight to the OW -- not because she was his choice, but because he had nowhere else to go. Of course, he never told her that tidbit! Well, she's very disppointed that she put all her eggs in THAT basket! My father in-law has cheated on her from Day-1. He also told her during their A, that his ex-W, my mother in-law, was an evil person. Well, she knows for sure that this is not true after what this man has put her through. He has used the same line about her to OWs.
Turns out, my mother in-law and his now wife (after nearly 20 years of living together) are BEST friends! They go to the same church and my mother in-law is re-married to for the past 22 years, to a REALLY good guy! So, tell your friend to run like hell. And if she won't listen, leave her with the old, but very true cliche: "Careful what you wish for!''

Your friend needs to think about the people she is hurting. Speaking from somebody who has been left for the OW, I don't know how a person can live with themselves when they know deep down inside that they were a very big part in breaking up a marriage and family. How selfish is she to be complaining about how long the divorce is taking. Shame on her for getting involved with a married man in the first place.

What does "close to divorce" (3x's) mean? She only talks to him while he is driving to & from work? She considers that a relationship? Tell her she's wasting her time & find someone else....someone single.

Relationships that start this way have a very short longevity. One reason is it is a three way relationship presently and if he does ever leave his wife it changes the dynamics of the relationship your friend has with this man. My mom dated a married man for over 10 years and he was always leaving or just about to leave his wife. Well he finally did leave his wife and immediately dumped my mom and married a different women. Mom was heartbroken. I think this is typical though and your friend is going down a dead end street. You may be able to help her and you may not. We are going to do what we do until we stop doing it. I hope she runs to the nearest exit. If he really does get out of his bad marriage he will need time to get over it before he starts a new relationship. And people who cheat as a way out are likely to do so again. Is that what your friend really wants a man who is likely to cheat on her someplace down the road?

We should ask her now. Her friend= HER.

hi i have to comment to this

see form my point of view being the wife..he very most likely is lying to her.
what you wrote sounds very familiar..like i read some of the responses and one woman said how the husband side and it is from the cheating point of view.that is sooooooooo true.

like in my case:her goes

he talks to her only when he is at work(he has a job where it allows him to travel alot...so he talks to her on the way and during sometimes and from work as well..

he probably told her oh we hadnt had sex in so long not the truth..
he is very selfish left me a month after having his baby then came back said he wouldn't see her anymore.

he says we are over but still in between times w talking to her wants me..my heads always spinning yet im told they talk and are only friends..so you see what that guy is telling your friend is most likely lies...point blank..i mean if they got together what is to say he wouldnt do it to her..im sure he has told her nothing but bad abotu his wife and she probably believes him.unfortunate it is most likely not the truth or the whole story..

jsut like they lie to us their wives. you see what i mean..like for me im told one thing and i am trying to make it work or at least eb friends w/him but i know how much he talks to her form cell bill..then he will stop for awhile but im sure they communicate via the web .then he is back to me..and so on.
these men are confused and jumping from one relationship to another is never good..so she will just get her..if your friend really wants to know she should talk to his wife..

honestly without being mean to u or your friend i dont tget he whole ow thing..see i have been hurt from this .i cant see why anyone would get involved and go after someone else husband regardless of how or who started it.meaning who came after who..
it should be off limits and would nt u think that would be a big red flag and turn of .that this man is married and looking for someone else..oh he can say what he wants but it probably is not the truth..

im sorry but she should run..consider the other person (his wife) ..