Cali, I am really sorry to hear this. I also don't know what else I could add. I could say that some people don't wake up until it is too late, but in some things people shouldn't get chance after chance. He obviously still wants to maintain contact even if it means in secret. He should be sacrificing anything that would upset you right now. ((HUGS))

I have read stories where the one who was betrayed put up stringent ulimatums and the betraying spouse honored them. Sacrifice is a sign of love.

Has your H sacrificed much since the A?

Cali, please don't let finances keep you stuck in such a unhealthy situation. They'll work them selves out. Pray to God to help you with this. He will never desert you. It makes me sick that your H continue's to betray you. He is EVIL and he must GO!!!!!

Im glad you have decided to leave him. You dont need an abusive man let alone a cheating one.

Start making an exit plan. Yes that advisor will come in much handy. Do not forget that you should also be entitled to alimony, and I would definitely seek that. You can also get alimony pendente lite, which means "pending litigation" or in other words, if you leave him NOW, you can march to the Courthouse and sign up for it TODAY ( WITHOUT an attorney you can usually do this on your own, kinda like child support). I would though find out how much you can get.

In some states and some juridistions ( rare, but they exist) you are NOT legally responsible for your husbands debt, so if you would up and leave him and you are not on some of his bills, dont pay them. You have no legal obligation to do that. Buttttt.... in most places, you do have to pay them.

Things to put on your checklist:
1.) Income versus debt.
2.) health insurance. who has it on you? will you lose it? Etc. And, in some states, you can make him continue to keep you insured until YOU remarry, NOT him. So he can have five wives, and guess what- he's still paying
3.) Its a MYTH and untrue that YOU have to be the one "left" to get alimony. You can LEAVE and still get it, so again, sign up for it
4.) Cheap attorneys. Shop around. They do not all charge the same
5.) House, do you own it? Whats it worth? How much has it appreciated. Basically, in a sale of it, how much would you get?

When I left my ex husband, I actually had MORE money. Not because he was cheating on me, but because I went from about this:

$1,905.0p per month in NON MARITAL DEBT. It was ALL HIM BABY
to
$495.00 for rent
$500.00 for food and electric ( only utility I had to pay)
I had NO charge cards and my car was paid off. I actually GOT money by leaving him plus he had to pay hefty amounts of child support and had to keep me on insurance and paid me alimony.

And, remember when making your list that you won't have to pay for his whores anymore, so I guess that means:
1.) added cell phone expense gone
2.) Added internet charge so he can do his dirty work gone
3.) gas spent on whores, etc... gone

It may look glum, but believe me, when you put pen to paper and REALLY work on numbers, you'd be shocked. This is the vice I used to leave my ex husband. I stayed with him for three years thinking I 'Couldn't do it". But, when I put pen to paper and realized that YES i could and even came out ahead, I was out the door in two weeks flat.
I left him the couch. Took everything else. :)

Thanks for the additional replies. I'm managing. I'm still mad as hell, but have a consultation with an attorney next week. I'm absolutely terrified of this, but I know it's a step in the right direction. This is absolutely the hardest thing I've ever had to do because I'm having to mislead him into thinking that everything is ok before I spring it on him. I hate it and feel so bad about it. Even though he has had no remorse over what he's doing to me, I still feel like I'm being unfaithful to the marraige and feel terribly guilty over it.

Dont be. He has abused you, cheated on you and used you long enough. dont feel bad.

It's funny. I get a lot of advice that I shouldn't feel guilty about what I am doing. I can't help it - it's eating me up inside.

Even though I know he's just playing me right now, and things will decline again - as they always to. I even looked in our Internet Browser history and found that he was searching for this girl on Myspace. I now wonder if he's going to try to contact her there, since her H blocked my H from viewing her profile.

I plan to wait and see what he does with this, and if I find that he's communicating with her there, I'll let it go for a few days, then I'll tell her H. He's been good enough to tell me, so I think I would owe it to him.

Don't feel guilty. You feel that way, because unlike your husband, you are a true and loyal person, but in this case be shifty.

Your H is betraying you, disregarding your feelings and playing you for a fool. Why shouldn't you do the same? As my mom used to say "turn about is fair play".

Do what you have to do to help yourself. If this means ratting out your H to the OW husband to get him to keep giving you information about your Hs activities then do it. He really should get smarter though and stop trying to keep his wife and your H from contacting each other. He should leave them to their own devices so he can continue to monitor her and see exactly what the two of them are feeling and expressing to each other. Then he will know what he is up against. Keeping them from contacting each other isn't going to change their feelings for each other or their desire to remain in contact. They will just find new and more creative ways to remain in contact without being detected if that is what they want to do.

I totally agree that they are only going to get more creative and secretive about it! That has been shown time and time again over the past 8 months! Next time I speak to her H I'll say that to him. He would probably flip out anyway.