Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I risk making a lot of you upset with this post I think, but I read where people discuss in a very hateful way about the cheater / CS's.
I personally understand the anger and hate for all persons that have ever cheated and how much society has gave it the old brush it off it was just sex. I tend to seriously disagree with how lightly it is taken at times and I remember a few months ago how people who I thought were my friends did not even look or know about the situation that my wife and I were in, but even blamed me for treating her bad. Witch I probably did out of anger but it was not my choice to become the BS and it destroyed me. I am not sure how those friends (fake friends) could so easily blame me for being upset with her and vocally forcing her to see the truth. That it was not my fault, that she had cheated on me. That it was a choice she made and that she had broken me, my heart and trust.
Some CS do not feel bad for what they have done and are truly bad people with very cold hearts. There is a very wide range of people in the world and some do not deserve to be forgave for what they have done. Some times the truth just lets you see that the person you thought you loved is really not that person at all.
I also know that there are a lot of CS out there that just made a terrible mistake and slid past there own morals into one bad choice after another. Some CS's are really sorry for what they have done and with the right actions deserve another chance. I know my wife is truly sorry for what she has done and has and wants to make it right with me and rebuild my trust. I still do not trust her and probably do not forgive her actions yet although I pray and try to find it in my heart to forgive her and am working real hard to do just that.
The act of infidelity I believe is evil, but that does not mean that every CS is evil but yet human and we all live as sinners and have done things that we do not feel good about. We have all made mistakes and need to be forgave from time to time. Infidelity is a horrible act that can destroy good marriages and leave people truly judging there own competence as far as being able to see the truth once they have been deceived in such a way from someone so close, from someone that was suppose to love you.
I have to believe that there are many / probably most CS out there are not bad people or evil. That there are a lot of spouses that just made one bad mistake after another and fell down a very painful rabbit hole. Not realizing at the time how destructive a path they had took only to wake up one day. To realize that they put everything that they loved at risk for selfish reasons.
I have not found trust in my wife yet personally and feel that it will take me working on myself to fully forgive what she did to me by having an affair. I think some affairs wake that CS up to reality and that post affair they very likely could be less likely to cheat then they ever where before the affair.
I personally understand the anger and hate for all persons that have ever cheated and how much society has gave it the old brush it off it was just sex. I tend to seriously disagree with how lightly it is taken at times and I remember a few months ago how people who I thought were my friends did not even look or know about the situation that my wife and I were in, but even blamed me for treating her bad. Witch I probably did out of anger but it was not my choice to become the BS and it destroyed me. I am not sure how those friends (fake friends) could so easily blame me for being upset with her and vocally forcing her to see the truth. That it was not my fault, that she had cheated on me. That it was a choice she made and that she had broken me, my heart and trust.
Some CS do not feel bad for what they have done and are truly bad people with very cold hearts. There is a very wide range of people in the world and some do not deserve to be forgave for what they have done. Some times the truth just lets you see that the person you thought you loved is really not that person at all.
I also know that there are a lot of CS out there that just made a terrible mistake and slid past there own morals into one bad choice after another. Some CS's are really sorry for what they have done and with the right actions deserve another chance. I know my wife is truly sorry for what she has done and has and wants to make it right with me and rebuild my trust. I still do not trust her and probably do not forgive her actions yet although I pray and try to find it in my heart to forgive her and am working real hard to do just that.
The act of infidelity I believe is evil, but that does not mean that every CS is evil but yet human and we all live as sinners and have done things that we do not feel good about. We have all made mistakes and need to be forgave from time to time. Infidelity is a horrible act that can destroy good marriages and leave people truly judging there own competence as far as being able to see the truth once they have been deceived in such a way from someone so close, from someone that was suppose to love you.
I have to believe that there are many / probably most CS out there are not bad people or evil. That there are a lot of spouses that just made one bad mistake after another and fell down a very painful rabbit hole. Not realizing at the time how destructive a path they had took only to wake up one day. To realize that they put everything that they loved at risk for selfish reasons.
I have not found trust in my wife yet personally and feel that it will take me working on myself to fully forgive what she did to me by having an affair. I think some affairs wake that CS up to reality and that post affair they very likely could be less likely to cheat then they ever where before the affair.
I hope my perspective opened the window to what was likely going on inside your CS's mind when they made that very POOR DECISION to enter the A.
I hope some BS's here will come to the conclusion that their CS made a very poor decision ............................
................BASED ON THE *****************WORST************ INFORMATION POSSIBLE.
Anonymous, FALSELY ASSUMED that if they managed to keep their
A's a SECRET, NOBODY WOULD GET HURT.
I will share a post I originally posted on Cheaters anonymous with some minor tweaks.
"I believe that the reasons people fall into the trap of alcoholism and drug abuse are SOMEWHAT similar to the reasons why people fall for the trap of infidelity and affairs.
Here are the reasons why I believe why is it SO SO EASY to fall for the trap of infidelity.
1) Opportunity
2) Lust and temptation coupled with the stress and drama of everyday life.
3) Society as a whole has so much ignorance , misconceptions and misunderstandings about affairs and infidelity.
The reason I mentioned above are the reasons why I believe that it is SO SO easy for individuals to fall for the trap of A.
I would like mention that there is so much public knowledge about the dangers of alcoholism and drug abuse and yet, for whatever reason, many many people still fall for the trap of alcoholism and drug abuse. ( I'm not casting any judgement or criticism in anyway toward alcoholic or drug addicts)
I would also like to point out that the nasty nasty trap of infidelity has VERY LITTLE OR NO WARNING AT ALL."
I feel every bs should at some point (when strong enough) go to CA to gain perspective. Cheating is a complicated fucked up situation for all involved. Being able to see how the other side struggles and what their mindset was before during and after their A gives more understanding to the anatomy of an A.
It has helped me tremendously. Although I wish there were more men who share.
......please bump or link my thread .
This will be my LAST post in this thread.
This will be my post in this thread I promise.
This post is not to argue with arrabella. The last thing on earth I want to do is argue with a hurt and devastated BS.
I hope by my explaining how infidelity can be a trap will help a BS better cope with their tragedy.
Anyway here goes.
When people have ignorance , misconceptions , and misunderstanding it is very very easy to make poor decisions.
One poor decision leads to another poor decision.
With every successive poor decisions people slide further down the SLIPPERY SLOPE.
When people slide far enough down the slippery slope , they will FALL INTO the deep dark DITCH of affairs and infidelity.
But I do think generalizing what goes on in a CS/OW's mind is more likely going to elicit a knee jerk response from a BS who is dealing with their very individual struggle being married to a narcissist. There's a whole range of cheating personality types, and you certainly don't strike me as someone suffering from NPD.
If you can describe in terms of your personal experience and situation, it will help for a very wounded BS to see you (and other folks on your side of the fence) as a person wrestling with your own demons. And that's when a BS is more likely to start healing instead of digging their own heels in.
Of course, there's going to be a BS or two who will try to take you through the wringer but unless you're being a complete d-bag, personal attacks are generally not looked upon favorably. You may see it differently, but I think you're coming along far enough in your own path to healing that you recognize when a CS/OW/OM is not owning up to their actions.
Anyway, thanks for sticking your neck out. See you around. :)
Shtmyhs, I personally know ,from other experiences, that it is a TRILLION times easier to forgive someone if I know they did not hurt me on PURPOSE.
All my efforts thus far is to try and make the BS realize that they WERE NOT the target of other people cold hearts.
I just trying to get people to realize that.
I want to ASSURE EVERY BS here that NO ONE get into A's for THE SPECIFIC PURPOSE of HURTING THE BS.
NO ONE IS THAT EVIL.
Regardless of how long it takes you to realize that what I'm saying is true , I'm glad it was me that told you.
I hope and I think that the mere oddity factor of me being an OW trying to comfort and console you will make my message stick with with you ;even if it is in the back of your mind.