Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I risk making a lot of you upset with this post I think, but I read where people discuss in a very hateful way about the cheater / CS's.
I personally understand the anger and hate for all persons that have ever cheated and how much society has gave it the old brush it off it was just sex. I tend to seriously disagree with how lightly it is taken at times and I remember a few months ago how people who I thought were my friends did not even look or know about the situation that my wife and I were in, but even blamed me for treating her bad. Witch I probably did out of anger but it was not my choice to become the BS and it destroyed me. I am not sure how those friends (fake friends) could so easily blame me for being upset with her and vocally forcing her to see the truth. That it was not my fault, that she had cheated on me. That it was a choice she made and that she had broken me, my heart and trust.
Some CS do not feel bad for what they have done and are truly bad people with very cold hearts. There is a very wide range of people in the world and some do not deserve to be forgave for what they have done. Some times the truth just lets you see that the person you thought you loved is really not that person at all.
I also know that there are a lot of CS out there that just made a terrible mistake and slid past there own morals into one bad choice after another. Some CS's are really sorry for what they have done and with the right actions deserve another chance. I know my wife is truly sorry for what she has done and has and wants to make it right with me and rebuild my trust. I still do not trust her and probably do not forgive her actions yet although I pray and try to find it in my heart to forgive her and am working real hard to do just that.
The act of infidelity I believe is evil, but that does not mean that every CS is evil but yet human and we all live as sinners and have done things that we do not feel good about. We have all made mistakes and need to be forgave from time to time. Infidelity is a horrible act that can destroy good marriages and leave people truly judging there own competence as far as being able to see the truth once they have been deceived in such a way from someone so close, from someone that was suppose to love you.
I have to believe that there are many / probably most CS out there are not bad people or evil. That there are a lot of spouses that just made one bad mistake after another and fell down a very painful rabbit hole. Not realizing at the time how destructive a path they had took only to wake up one day. To realize that they put everything that they loved at risk for selfish reasons.
I have not found trust in my wife yet personally and feel that it will take me working on myself to fully forgive what she did to me by having an affair. I think some affairs wake that CS up to reality and that post affair they very likely could be less likely to cheat then they ever where before the affair.
I personally understand the anger and hate for all persons that have ever cheated and how much society has gave it the old brush it off it was just sex. I tend to seriously disagree with how lightly it is taken at times and I remember a few months ago how people who I thought were my friends did not even look or know about the situation that my wife and I were in, but even blamed me for treating her bad. Witch I probably did out of anger but it was not my choice to become the BS and it destroyed me. I am not sure how those friends (fake friends) could so easily blame me for being upset with her and vocally forcing her to see the truth. That it was not my fault, that she had cheated on me. That it was a choice she made and that she had broken me, my heart and trust.
Some CS do not feel bad for what they have done and are truly bad people with very cold hearts. There is a very wide range of people in the world and some do not deserve to be forgave for what they have done. Some times the truth just lets you see that the person you thought you loved is really not that person at all.
I also know that there are a lot of CS out there that just made a terrible mistake and slid past there own morals into one bad choice after another. Some CS's are really sorry for what they have done and with the right actions deserve another chance. I know my wife is truly sorry for what she has done and has and wants to make it right with me and rebuild my trust. I still do not trust her and probably do not forgive her actions yet although I pray and try to find it in my heart to forgive her and am working real hard to do just that.
The act of infidelity I believe is evil, but that does not mean that every CS is evil but yet human and we all live as sinners and have done things that we do not feel good about. We have all made mistakes and need to be forgave from time to time. Infidelity is a horrible act that can destroy good marriages and leave people truly judging there own competence as far as being able to see the truth once they have been deceived in such a way from someone so close, from someone that was suppose to love you.
I have to believe that there are many / probably most CS out there are not bad people or evil. That there are a lot of spouses that just made one bad mistake after another and fell down a very painful rabbit hole. Not realizing at the time how destructive a path they had took only to wake up one day. To realize that they put everything that they loved at risk for selfish reasons.
I have not found trust in my wife yet personally and feel that it will take me working on myself to fully forgive what she did to me by having an affair. I think some affairs wake that CS up to reality and that post affair they very likely could be less likely to cheat then they ever where before the affair.
I know some will be angry also but they are entitled to their opinion, thoughts and emotions. Everyone deals with things a different way. Some are angry (and me to I have my moments) and they will deal with it how they want and when they are ready to release the anger they will. The post I want to say stuff on I do, some I'm like wow, but they are entitle to express their feeling on their spouse and their issue. Not much to say on that.
Some count some things as the biggest act of wrong doing, though infidelity is awful, it's is not the worst act that can be committed. People also want to weigh sins differently but a sin is a sin they weigh the same. Everyone decides what the will and will not tolerate and forgive. How they will deal and how they will fell. That just how it is there is not much more to it. Some call the OW/OM all sorts of names and that is fine, it's a way to deal but I got out of that in about one week. Because if she is a b!tch, what shall I call my husband? I'm staying with him so I can't do so much damage that it can't be undone. Putting down and breaking someone self esteem and value can't be undone if you are even thinking about trying to save a marriage. Some things even if you try you will never forget. We won't forget the infidelity but we will also not forget any names we are called and neither would the spouse that cheated. That the time they may think yes I deserve it but eventually they will think wow, she call me xyz. I just stick to the truth, he is a lair and cheater. No denying that so that can't come back to haunt me.
But ultimately it comes down to is the person redeamable or not.
"I think some affairs wake that CS up to reality and that post affair they very likely could be less likely to cheat then they ever where before the affair."
I think that this could very well be the case with my boyfriend who cheated. He did not go out and search to have an affair. He made the mistake of trying to be friends with someone of the opposite sex and spilled his guts to her about problems in our relationship, which she capitalized on, and before he knew it, he was caught up. However, very quickly he slammed on the brakes and got out. I think that now recognizes the gravity of what he did and also how to avoid getting himself in another situation like that again has very well helped insulate him (and us) from further cheating in our future.
Yes, I am a FORMER OW and yes this is MY PERSPECTIVE.
"Because A's have so much stigma and shame attached to them CS's, AP's and BS's are likely to share the true magnitude of their pain with very few people.
As a result, the general public REALLY DOESN'T HAVE A CLUE on true nature of A's.
Then A LOT of people will have A LOT of
1) Ignorance
2) misunderstanding
3) misconceptions
............about the how harmful and destructive A's truly are.
Ignorance , misunderstanding and misconceptions are THE PERFECT BREEDING GROUND FOR POOR DECISIONS.
Hence, the EPIDEMIC of A's will continue unabated."
This was going to through my head prior to me making the decision to enter the A.
I will walk you folks on how IGNORANCE, MISUNDERSTANDING AND MISCONCEPTIONS INFLUENCED MY VERY VERY POOR DECISION TO GET INTO THE A.
Prior to me getting into the A, I SERIOUSLY thought that A's were as morally wrong as JAYWALKING.
I reasoned that if I was careful and didn't cause an accident or get caught by the cops........................I SAW ********NOTHING******* WRONG WITH A.
That was my MINDSET prior to getting into the A.
Also desert I welcome anyones perspective because part of healing and learning what causes affairs is to be empathtic to others oppinons and see other peoples views. I read your thread and I think after your comment here that you have a very diferent point of view than before and are trying to help others understand.
Thank you all for your comments.
Yes, I'm only trying to help others understand in hopes that they will be able to carry the burden that they have to carry because they were cheated on.
After reading threads and threads of how the BS's were suffering from A, the GUILT hit me like a freight train.
Prior to me coming on to survivinginfidelity.com I was VERY SECURE IN my BELIEF........that I was doing ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY DOING *****************NOTHING*********** wrong.
"pretty is as prettty does"
_______ is as________ does
a jellyfish doesn't "mean to" it just does, burush against it and the triggger fires
cheaters don't "mean to" hurt thye just get caought up in , it just happens, ...................
the jellyfish doesn't have a choice
cheaters do
jellyfish are not evil, cheaters are people that CHOOSE to make an evil choice
_________________is _____________does