Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Stumbling blocks

crazymoon5150
crazymoon5150
Its been quite awhile since I last posted something, I have read everything I can or could get my hands on when I caught my H cheating on me ,we have since moved past all of and have been doing great, it's not been easy, infact its the worse thing I have ever been through, its been almost 10 months since he mvoed back in , I have fought tooth and nail, to get where I am, to get where we are , against friends and families wishes, I've overcome alot of obstacles, put myself on the line ,tried to look past it all, there are days I feel triumphant , and days I feel like a fool, every day I push down the insecurities and feelings and pain, and tell myself when I start to feel that familiar nag 'What if ?" he did it once whats to stop him from doing it again ? what I would like is some input , or thoughts, on a few things, "Do you ever stop wondering or worrying ?: Do you ever learn to trust them again ?: "Does it just every just go away?:" or do you spend the rest of your life, waiting for more proof? how do you trust someone again ? after they put you through sheer hell, ? when he has done everything that I have asked him to do , and he is doing his best, do you ever look at them in the same manor as you did before the cheating ? or do you sometimes just wished that you would of just thrown in the towel and called it quits?
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am working on reconciling with my wife. I wish I could answer your questions but I have the same ones.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and what you are feeling is not abnormal. We just have to take it one day at a time and rejoice when we are joyful and become more determined when we are down.
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's been almost 23 months since D-day for me. I can say that I do trust my H now but it will never ever be 100% trust like it was before the A since he violated the trust that I had in the first place. There are still times when he is late from work that my mind will start to imagine the worst and I do tell my H when the trust I do have is waning. My H doesn't like the fact that I'll never trust him 100% again but he knows that his actions have led to that consequence so he will just have to live with it. And yes there are still days that I look at my H and think of everything he has put me through and wish that I had just thrown in the towel but most days I don't feel that way and I am happy we are still together. It's a long bumpy road and the ride does get better with time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Next month will be one year since I found out and I still have all the questions you just wrote in your post. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about how it would be if H and I seperated. Would it be better? Sometimes, I don't know if I'm actually capable of forgiving him and remaining his wife. But the thing is I want to remain his wife - I love him so much. I just hate he's done this to us - our family.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hate to be repetitious, but if you're like me, there is comfort in hearing that those feelings are normal. While D-day was more recent for me, I can still understand that time does help. I don't feel as helpless, angry or upset as I did early on, and those feelings are more easily controlled than before. (That being said, I still hit bottom and lose it, occasionally.)

Just knowing that you're ok, you're entitled to those feelings and you're perfectly normal will help you get past the intense worries.

I don't think I'll ever trust as blindly or stop the worry when a situation triggers an old feeling, but we are who we are based on life's experiences. I feel like we're all given our lot in life, and it's up to us to find our way through it. We're fortunate to have found others who can relate and keep us grounded.
dody
dody
I'm 18 months post dday. The rollercoaster continues. Their are good days and bad days, still. More good days then bad however. THANK GOD!

I too, wonder if it wouldn't of been easier to just walk away. It will always be in the back of my head I'm affraid.

Prayers for you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its coming up on 6 months for me. I know exactly how you feel. We are still currently separated but we see each other alot. Most the time I have good days now, but lately I find myself thinking "how could she have done this to us". I dont expect to ever trust her 100% again. I just have to decide if I can live that way.
Lstecker
Lstecker
Hey crazymoon,

I think this is all normal. You were dealt one hell of a blow and are still recovering from it. This has to be normal.

Don't second guess your decision to stay too much - seeing as he is working so hard with you for your marriage. Would you believe I tried to work it out even after the divorce was final? Sure did...and found it was very over and left him again when I found the OW was still skulking around my marriage and my man. I guess 'done is done.' Seems yours is not so done.

Sending you much support. Keep talking to your man about this. Let it pull you together and not apart.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I felt and still feel the same way as you do...My H had an A with my 'best friend' in 2001..We reconciled after a year of him leaving and returning, but it was tough...2 years of counselling, a move to another city, building our dream home...Even re-doing our marriage vows only helped for a while...At the end of 2006 I got that old familiar gut feeling that all was not well and my hunch was right...With what little self esteem I had left, I kicked him out...The divorce is scheduled for Oct 20...If I could pull the plug on those wasted years I would, but with two sons and a business it wasn't that easy...I sincerely hope you can make it...If I could retrace my steps back to DDay, I would've handled it all differently and we would probably have been together today...but I was too weak at the time...the news completely devastated me...It's the year 'my Trade Centres' came crashing down...