Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I found out November 29,2017 my husband of 18 years had a 6 week affair with a co-worker. The other person sent me their correspondence they shared Emails with him calling her “ babe” among other things. The emails were vague. This I’m thankful for. We did have a rough 6 months. I knew we were in trouble. We have had quite a few situations in our marriage that were and are very stressful. This other woman has made me out to be the bad person. I was summoned to our local police station and talked to about sending her my “ closure letter” when I got there the police officer was more concerned for my safety then anything. “ she’s not stable” please keep your distance. She purchased my husband many gifts. A phone, wallet.. coats.. she also bribed him with trucks and trips to leave me. I’m seriously dumbfounded. My husband ended this situation with her, 29 days later her emails and messages to me started. “ I love him” “ he’s only there for your children” I know they had sex 5 times. It was after 9 pm and always a Friday night. They never went on dates, he never bought her anything and he never stayed over night. He calls her a “ booty call” she knew she was this but apparently fell in love with a married dad of 4. She knew he was married. She knew we had children. Please don’t think I only blame her. He’s the one who risked losing his world. She’s single.. no children and had zero disregard for mine. I’m a kind loving wife and mother of 4 children. I struggle daily wondering how two people could have affected a family unit so incredibly. My husband is sorry and begging me to work it out. I however am so nervous and hesitant to try. I do love him. He has wonderful qualities. Do good people make bad mistakes? I still cry everyday. Am I normal to feel like I’m literally dying? I’m so depressed I can barely function. I am in therapy. I have been since day 4. My husband is being treated for Bipolar Disorder 1. He sees the psychiatrist the 22nd of February. This is so completely out of character for him. He’s shy and quiet. Never has been inappropriate towards women or myself. I’m just so sad and broken. I want to feel better. I’m trying so hard. I feel like I am unable. I am consumed with him and her being intimate. It makes me so incredibly sick. I wish and hope the unwanted visuals end...soon.
Concentrate on healing and evaluate how your husband is acting.
If he wants this to work he needs to be completely open/honest about everything include your questions. He has to be accountable and transparent with his social media, phone, and whereabouts. I know they work together but it has to be no contact....he or she needs to leave he job.
He needs to be remorseful and take full responsibility for his actions and want to go into therapy (psychotherapy/CBT) to work on his character and personal issues.
If he can't do these things then he will be a repeat offender and not worth taking back.
He may have some admiral qualities but a spouse needs to be honest, loyal, and have integrity. At this time he has none of these attributes that are the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
As well, your husband is to blame for the entire situation. There are plenty of selfish and terrible people out there looking to steal spouses and reek havoc on others' lives, but it doesn't work unless your husband is willing to cheat and risk it all for some side action.
It is a good test of how he fairs over the next few months and your decision to restart this marriage or not.
It can take +2 years for you to restore enough trust to really be with him again.
There is no way for you to force yourself to trust him again, but rather it is a process of seeing his changes and actions over the next months and couple of years and accepting that he becoming someone who is a trustworthy partner.
He should not expect any quick reconciliation or forgiveness. He needs to earn this.
If he can't understand this, then he really doesn't understand the extent of the destruction and pain caused by his actions and choices.
A nuclear bomb site needs a lot of time to clean up and decontaminate. No one expects this to happen overnight. An affair in a marriage is the equivalent of this. It takes time to do it right.
his is shit husband, "honey, get tested for stds"
does he have it in him to now become a man? if the answer right now is no, then you should kick him to the curb even if you love him
if the answer is maybe&and maybe you love him,it is your call to give him a chance, if so don't be naive, he has to show growth
i reread your post, seems like you put a lot of this on her, even if she was, aside from a cheater, a nice pleasant reasonable person...it changes nothing about your husband choosing to put the welfare of his children and wife in jeopardy
you put Dave first in your dailystrength name
ideally, you and he work it out, you don't have to bludgeon him with the truth but YOU will fall if you sugarcoat it. best way to deal with is to get them out in the sunlight to dry up and blow away
the health of your marriage depends upon the two of you
you have to fend for yourself for your health, don't discount that
the health of your children depends upon at least one of their parents being stable and prioritizing the kids stability over their own...that falls on you until hubby becomes a man, or you alone if he stays a juvinille...either way take care of yourself
However, IF he does everything it takes to help you heal, be honest, and grow in character, there is a portion of trust he can regain.
Out of jail but on probation for the long haul.
Every BS knows that they don't trust anyone the same after something like this. If your spouse who promised to love and protect you could do this to you, friends/family, and strangers surely can betray you without a second thought.