Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I know a lot of people don't advise to leave your house during an affair. My H and I bought our first home a year ago, and I love our home, but I fear that staying here is not something that I can continue to do. I don't think leaving the home will hurt too much when we do divorce, because we don't have children, we bring pretty much the same money wise into the marriage, so it should be a 50/50 split- so more than likely that means we both lose the house, or he pays me for my part or something.
I made arrangements to go see my father next month. He starts another intensive round of chemo treatments so I am going to keep him company in the hospital. I want to have more conversations with my dad, instead of going home for his funeral. I went ahead and took an extra week off of work. That's going to be my time for just me.
I made an appointment with a lawyer this week, but he had to cancel at the last minute for a family emergency, which is okay that happens. I am going to try to schedule an appointment with a lawyer who specializes in military divorces, for early in the week in August when I have time to myself. That way I can weigh my options, think clearly without the distractions of work, etc. I am also really considering moving out that week as well.
I found a few affordable efficiency apartments that would be the bare minimum, but that I think I can squeeze by with my salary and still cover the half of our bills that I would be responsbile for. Wow guys, this is such a big step for me, I am nervous and scared, and admittedly a little excited. I would start from nothing, possibly an air mattress on the floor, but it would be a step that I think is needed, its only naturally the next step in the process of a divorce.
My house is not the turtle shell it used to be. I used to be able to come home and just cry my eyes out and shut the world out, and break all over again in pain. Now, I come home, and I want to leave, especially if he is here and I am acting like he doesn't exist. And mainly just really being mean to him when he is around, or telling him to have fun with his girlfriend and then just lashing out at him for continuing.
I hope to hear back from one of the apartments tomorrow and perhaps stop on my way home from work to look at it. I just wanted to check in and say I was doing okay and putting myself first. Ready to make some changes, that will give me control of my life again.
I made arrangements to go see my father next month. He starts another intensive round of chemo treatments so I am going to keep him company in the hospital. I want to have more conversations with my dad, instead of going home for his funeral. I went ahead and took an extra week off of work. That's going to be my time for just me.
I made an appointment with a lawyer this week, but he had to cancel at the last minute for a family emergency, which is okay that happens. I am going to try to schedule an appointment with a lawyer who specializes in military divorces, for early in the week in August when I have time to myself. That way I can weigh my options, think clearly without the distractions of work, etc. I am also really considering moving out that week as well.
I found a few affordable efficiency apartments that would be the bare minimum, but that I think I can squeeze by with my salary and still cover the half of our bills that I would be responsbile for. Wow guys, this is such a big step for me, I am nervous and scared, and admittedly a little excited. I would start from nothing, possibly an air mattress on the floor, but it would be a step that I think is needed, its only naturally the next step in the process of a divorce.
My house is not the turtle shell it used to be. I used to be able to come home and just cry my eyes out and shut the world out, and break all over again in pain. Now, I come home, and I want to leave, especially if he is here and I am acting like he doesn't exist. And mainly just really being mean to him when he is around, or telling him to have fun with his girlfriend and then just lashing out at him for continuing.
I hope to hear back from one of the apartments tomorrow and perhaps stop on my way home from work to look at it. I just wanted to check in and say I was doing okay and putting myself first. Ready to make some changes, that will give me control of my life again.
As to the texting issue. He should be less pissed off about you sending the text messages, and more pissed about his slut reading them.
I just have to say that your husband sounds like a real piece of work. I appreciate that he has served our country, but to me he sounds like a very self absorbed person who is looking for the easy way out in every aspect of his life, and that includes his now wanting to avoid the divorce because he knows your serious about it.
Nobody except the attorneys make out in a divorce. The system is screwed up, but it will never change because attorneys make the laws. Your peace of mind is worth way more than the cost of the divorce. Your husband needs a reality sandwich, and you have to be the one to feed it to him.
Here is what the military offered him- 80% of his military pay for the rest of his life on the Army side, thats $2400 a month tax free, or 90% VA disability, which is $1800 a month.
Here is how it affects me: If he goes with the Army package, of $2400, that is the money that I would entitled to half of once we are married 10 years, or almost half even now. So about $1200 a month if he takes that package, once the divorce is final.
He is appealing the VA decision to hopefully get 100 percent, but that will take about a month. This means that with the appeal, the month the Army gives him to search for a job, and then the three months of saved up leave he has his final out date for the mlitary will be right around our 10 year wedding anniversary- Jan 2nd.
So if the VA doesn't offer him 100%, which is hard to get, then he will take the package with the most money- which is the Army one, and that is the one I am entitled to half, as well as keeping my military id card holder benefits, and my tricare healthcare- it won't be free, but it would be less than me buying health insurance through my employer.
So for now this is what I have to consider, and how it affects me and all that awesome, great- life decisions. Trust me, I have often wanted to pack my bags in the middle of the night and jump on a greyhound and see where I land. Its just hard when I do enjoy my job, I mean by boss can be hard to handle sometimes with all of this emotional stuff going on, but I am really proud of myself for being able to maintain and reach my goals.
I start school again in August. So for now, to be honest, I don't know what to do. I do have a counselor, I should make an appointment again, I kind of stopped going, but so much has changed since I have been. We started marriage counseling, my counselor and I, lol, but it turned into individual counseling when my husband refused to attend. Sometimes putting the mirror back on yourself is a hard pill to swallow. I am much stronger now though.
I do want to start putting money aside to save. My mom always told me to have a rainy day fund, and I should have listened to that advice. I know I would be okay, even moving out into my own small apartment and divorcing him. But what is six more months if it means $1200 for the rest of my life?
Does that make sense?
My husband was deployed to Iraq in 2006 when his humvee rolled over an IED, caught fire and he lost consciousness. His friend, kick him in the chest for him to regain consciousness, and he pulled his comrades out of the burning vehicle. During this incident, this is where he got his traumatic brain injury from the blast and dislocated his shoulder, leading to shoulder surgery.
He did a total of two Iraq tours, back to back, in a 3 year period- spending a total of 26 months in Iraq total during that time. He had a 10 month break inbetween. He dealt with a lot of trauma, since he is a combat medic, and tried to save several soldiers, from marines missing legs, or body parts, and just having to push the morphine and hold their hands while they passed.
When he came home he was never the same. He has what the Army calls, night terrors, where his dreams are vivid mimicking of the war. I often hear him popping his mouth, making a popping sound at night, thats him mimicking the gunshots. He says he dreams about the guys he couldn't save, and the insurgents coming after him. When he first came back he would wake up in the middle of the night and he was "pretend" clearing the room, telling me "they were here." (meaning insurgents). He has post traumatic stress disorder, which means large crowds give him anxiety, he thinks he has to be on high alert- like he doesn't know how to turn off his "war" mentality. It also means he has dificulty making emotional connections in relationships and battles depression. He hates himself because he had to kill 8 people, even though they were insurgents, it still bothers him. I could keep going, but I think you get the idea.