Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
I know a lot of people don't advise to leave your house during an affair. My H and I bought our first home a year ago, and I love our home, but I fear that staying here is not something that I can continue to do. I don't think leaving the home will hurt too much when we do divorce, because we don't have children, we bring pretty much the same money wise into the marriage, so it should be a 50/50 split- so more than likely that means we both lose the house, or he pays me for my part or something.
I made arrangements to go see my father next month. He starts another intensive round of chemo treatments so I am going to keep him company in the hospital. I want to have more conversations with my dad, instead of going home for his funeral. I went ahead and took an extra week off of work. That's going to be my time for just me.
I made an appointment with a lawyer this week, but he had to cancel at the last minute for a family emergency, which is okay that happens. I am going to try to schedule an appointment with a lawyer who specializes in military divorces, for early in the week in August when I have time to myself. That way I can weigh my options, think clearly without the distractions of work, etc. I am also really considering moving out that week as well.
I found a few affordable efficiency apartments that would be the bare minimum, but that I think I can squeeze by with my salary and still cover the half of our bills that I would be responsbile for. Wow guys, this is such a big step for me, I am nervous and scared, and admittedly a little excited. I would start from nothing, possibly an air mattress on the floor, but it would be a step that I think is needed, its only naturally the next step in the process of a divorce.
My house is not the turtle shell it used to be. I used to be able to come home and just cry my eyes out and shut the world out, and break all over again in pain. Now, I come home, and I want to leave, especially if he is here and I am acting like he doesn't exist. And mainly just really being mean to him when he is around, or telling him to have fun with his girlfriend and then just lashing out at him for continuing.
I hope to hear back from one of the apartments tomorrow and perhaps stop on my way home from work to look at it. I just wanted to check in and say I was doing okay and putting myself first. Ready to make some changes, that will give me control of my life again.
I made arrangements to go see my father next month. He starts another intensive round of chemo treatments so I am going to keep him company in the hospital. I want to have more conversations with my dad, instead of going home for his funeral. I went ahead and took an extra week off of work. That's going to be my time for just me.
I made an appointment with a lawyer this week, but he had to cancel at the last minute for a family emergency, which is okay that happens. I am going to try to schedule an appointment with a lawyer who specializes in military divorces, for early in the week in August when I have time to myself. That way I can weigh my options, think clearly without the distractions of work, etc. I am also really considering moving out that week as well.
I found a few affordable efficiency apartments that would be the bare minimum, but that I think I can squeeze by with my salary and still cover the half of our bills that I would be responsbile for. Wow guys, this is such a big step for me, I am nervous and scared, and admittedly a little excited. I would start from nothing, possibly an air mattress on the floor, but it would be a step that I think is needed, its only naturally the next step in the process of a divorce.
My house is not the turtle shell it used to be. I used to be able to come home and just cry my eyes out and shut the world out, and break all over again in pain. Now, I come home, and I want to leave, especially if he is here and I am acting like he doesn't exist. And mainly just really being mean to him when he is around, or telling him to have fun with his girlfriend and then just lashing out at him for continuing.
I hope to hear back from one of the apartments tomorrow and perhaps stop on my way home from work to look at it. I just wanted to check in and say I was doing okay and putting myself first. Ready to make some changes, that will give me control of my life again.
If reconciliation isn't on the table, moving on is an important step. Scary though. It can feel empowering and lonely at the same time. One day at a time.
Hugs your way!
But I did find another one, that seems a little less, dumptastic that I could move to.
I just did my consultation with a military lawyer and discovered if my husband won't sign the papers its way more costly. I would have to put down at $4500 retainer just to have the lawyer write up a divorce decree, and that's supposed to be a deal? OR we can do an uncontested divorce for $1000.00.
I would only be entitled to half of my husband's military pension from the Army, which most of his money will come from the VA so I don't think I would really walk away with anything, not even the house. Its like, he was the one who ruined our marriage, but I am the one who is going to suffer financially- while he walks away with no problems. So much to think about, but not the news I was hoping to hear. Basically I put 10 years into a marriage, and just walk out with 50 percent of the debt... hmm, how nice... lol
"Will your husband sign the papers or not?"
Umm, gee.. since I am the wife, and he is himself.. how would I know...
guess i just have to ask him... and get the process started... or like be his roommate in our freakin house and pay off our debt until we can agree on the division of our lack of assets together..
I guess I could just wait it out, let his money from the back pay in the Army for his PTSD could pay off our credit card debt, and then maybe we can both walk away debt free... wow, these decisions are so hard... and fast.. and emotional...
bubble bath time
I recently met with an attorney too, and found our state is "no fault", so his affairs mean nothing in the eyes of the court in terms of settlement. So I have supported our family for the past 7 years financially while he went to dental school full-time, a year of residency with no pay, plus two years building a practice that's just starting to make money. If we split now - he gets half of all our assets, even my 401k at work, and I get half of his student loans from dental school. It doesn't seem fair!
Now fortunately at this point, he's being amicable (probably from the guilt) and recognizing that I was the one that earned most our assets and is willing to give me everything. BUT if things get contentious through this process, he definitely has the leverage to get more out of the settlement.
He was in the bathroom, and she texted "????" because she, being the OW, read it
I knew it wasn't him.. so I texted back "that is the cost"
SO OW is probably happy that I am doing this... and my H was UPSET with me for texting him that, because he said I gave the OW power, and am "spoiling" his plan of getting rid of her..
Whatever.. I mean you tell me not to call, you tell me not to email.. how am I supposed to know that she is reading your texts?
He said she asked him what we were planning because she feels like she should know..
ughh... just makes me want to be out of this even faster... funny how the OW is getting the life I wanted, the house I wanted, the dogs I raised...
blah..oh and H, is all pitiful and sad, and says I don't want this... umm, I don't want to live this way and you aren't stopping, what is there to fix? You have chosen her... so this is what you asked for... you asked for me to let you go.. I am moving forward...
he looks miserable.. funny, how once again i am "in trouble" because I texted my damn husband the cost of a divorce...
For real?
Be glad. You may have to live in a small place for now but it will be your place. One that he or his ow Dan not invade, poison, or infiltrate.
Give it your personal touch and enjoy your independence.
As I type this my husband is getting his VA rating from the Army, which he thinks it will be 100 percent diasbility with VA benefits. What does that mean for me? That means if we divorce, I won't be entitled to any of that. Whereas if we stay together, the house would be tax free, I would get a nice healthcare package from the military and he will get compensated for being married to me. It also means he will lose his job with the Army in a few months, and be unemployed- meaning he won't be able to afford the house alone. So its a very confusing set of circumstances, and I am trying to process it all. My H doesn't want a divorce or a separation, but he also doesn't want to stop seeing the other woman. I guess to him we are separated, and perhaps he is right, but that just seems weird when we live in the same house, although he isn't there a lot. We do have enough room in the house for one of to move into the bedroom downstairs that has a bathroom attached, and it wouldn't be that much of a run in with eachother, just don't bring dates to the house. So I am so confused and have a lot of thinking to do. On one hand, I could file papers, be the one to pay for the divorce, and be out of his life in 2 months, but walk away with nothing but some debt to pay off, and losing my house and dogs, and he gets everything basically and the OW moves into my house I picked out. Whereas if I stay, he won't file papers, so I can save money and get my ducks in a row and leave when its right. So much to think about.
I say walk away, deal with the financial loss and the debt and consider it a win overall.
I know you must still be dealing with so much pain over all of this but didn't you mention the possibility to moving back to or near your home town? Where you are comfortable and have the su
Port of family and friends (I could be confusing you with another). But if that is you, I would strongly consider starting over in a place that you won't have to deal with him or her or the pain of this in your face.
Its a lot to think about. I do think, the main thing, is living apart. Either he lives with OW and doesn't come to the house, or I continue to search for an apartment I can afford on my own. I think if we are separated I would feel more separated if we lived separate lives, if that makes sense. Then it would give me time to really think about things, clear my head and be on my own.
I haven't heard back about the apartment i found that I thought would be perfect. So I am going to call again and check. I don't want to rush into any decisions. But I do think for now, him being as little apart of my life as possible, is what i need. I can take my time with the rest.